He'll regain his full power in 1d6 days unless a group of noble adventurers breaks into his lair and destroys his phylactery.
this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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He's no president but it'll do
I’m surprised to hear that he went into cardiac arrest. I thought you needed a heart to do that.
Yes? Lol
The prognosis for someone receiving CPR after an unwitnessed arrest is abysmal for a much younger, healthy person - like 5% chance of survival and even less than that for survival without severe brain damage. If they performed CPR correctly they broke every rib in his chest, and if they were somehow able to get his heart beating again then he's certainly on a ventilator and brain dead. The absolute "best case" scenario is that the family is in denial and they haven't decided to pull the plug yet.
Two weeks ago, on the morning of June 14, he was found unconscious at his D.C. home and rushed to the hospital, after an EMS call reporting a cardiac arrest at his address and that he’d been given CPR.
Dude's 100% dead. At best, he's already braindead before they carried his comotose body to the ambulance and he died on the way to the hospital. No 84 year old with health issues is surviving that shit.
I hope he's fully aware of his surroundings and body, but entirely unable to move or communicate in even the smallest of ways
In the last line of this article, Ken says he believes that Trump will say goodbye to McConnell over the weekend.
God, to be a fly on the wall in that room
I meant like a goodbye post on truthsocial, if he's already deceased. You know how Trump likes to be the first to announce things on truthsocial.
yeah there's no way he's going to see him lol
he just wants to post it first, and make sure it's after market hours
You think? I imagine he sits there with a "what the hell do you want me to do about it?" sort of annoyance on his face. I don't think Trump has either the sharp wit he started with or the togetherness to do a Trumpism (e.g. veterans are suckers and losers).
I envision Trump seeing McConnell as an instrument more than he does a person.
I envision Trump seeing McConnell as an instrument more than he does a person
I think McConnell saw McConnell that way too.
Technically, no. Probably just waiting for one of his family members to yank that cord out of the wall outlet.
Mitch Mc-Gone-ell 
If he's dead, and Trump hasn't immediately announced it, then either trump is also undergoing a medical emergency or they're hiding the news from him.
My money is the old ghoul is in a medical coma or some shit, but I'm surprised Trump hasn't opened his fat mouth over it.
That's right! Dead serious about going to Itchy and Scratchy Land!
He can be a little dead. As a treat.
spiritually, yes
Wait...you're dead...what are you trying to tell us? 
No, he's Mitch McConell.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitch_McConnell#Health
In February 2026, McConnell was hospitalized for eight days for "flu-like symptoms".
Comrade Covid does it again.
The damage this man has done to the slander of turtlekinds is immeasurable.
decades too late but i hope so
Vaxxed?
concerning!!!
Flush that turd down the drain before they put him on the Golden Throne
more like death deadconnell
Undead
I hope so. If only more gop'ers could drop dead I would be so happy 🤞
Where can I gamble on his death and do a parlay gambling on whether the S&P500 reacts and whether it will change by a magnitude >1% and whether it will go up or down?
Polymarket has Mitch McConnell leaving Senate before the end of his term (January 2027) at 46% with a $125k volume. (I do not condone gambling)
Didn't they declare that if the person dies it doesn't count as "leaving"? I remember that being a controversy.
It would be extremely funny if the Senate went by Navy rules where the US Navy has never lost a submarine, the 50 or so destroyed in combat are considered "Still On Patrol"
Dying while holding office means you're "Still Filibustering". That would be a good bit
That will be newsoms reason for not doing anything. Sorry we can't relegalise abortion Mitch is still filibustering.
Das Boot is still in the waves
The comments are funny.
Kuomitchtang
Smokin' on that pack!
big terrarium in the sky beacons
heh
Preparing the crabs
Hopefully lol
He’s fine
I hope so. I hope it intently. And I hope it hurt.
Hopefully burning in hell according to his stupid beliefs
If a pillow falls wrong on his face he will be. You could toss a teddy bear and kill him
"Come to us mitch. We're all here" 