GrouchyGrouse

Solely so I can post lions eating christians to r/catswithjobs

You know how everyone always talks about their what they’d do if they could have a wish come true like a fairytale? I remember doing that as a kid. Aladdin had just come out and everyone was talking about what they’d wish for. Million dollars was a top one. Invincibility another. Laser eyes.

But a genie gives you three wishes, and most people obsess over how to use their wishes to the fullest potential. Or… with three wishes you can wish for more mundane wishes. I wished I no longer had to poop.

But genies are tricky, you have to be specific. So instead I would need some kind of intestinal collar. A machine that obliterates any poop before it gets to the colon. It would have to be a machine, too, as I might need to remotely disable it. I don’t really want to require surgery - or another genie - to turn it off. I might need to shit in the future for personal or political purposes.

The device would require only about my life expectancy x 1.2 or 1.5 times if I really think I’ll hang in there. Nothing beyond the powers of a genie.

As you can see I really worked this all out. No more wiping poop. But I never told people about this. Maybe just wishing I didn’t have to poop.

I never told anyone about the Star Trek inspired colon zapper. If they invented one I’d probably get it installed. I’d feel pretty vindicated.

Lmao, even

Yes please memorialize this shithead instead

When was in the senate she passed legislation about violence in videogames

Meanwhile, those videogames have been great at pushing pro-imperial propaganda and training kids how to use the Xbox/drone controller

Which pipeline kids toward being the bloodstock of the forever wars her neoliberalism demanded.

Kinda funny

Click it because why not

Article is full of quotes from reddit users. It's a circle. It's like an oroborous but instead of a snake eating itself It's an anus shitting itself a new ass. Immediately I feel that way I feel about too much shit these days.

If you ever read the Lovecraft short story The Nameless City we are in it and the big metal door has ominously closed behind us. We're trapped in whatever here is now. The zone, whatever you want to call it. Who cares anymore. Honey, the internet is taking a break from being an advertisement. We're on the news.

His name is Lester and I feel like we should adopt him as an unofficial site mascot. Along with Crow T Robot.

Who else do you think sorta summarizes Hexbear in appearance and attitude from various media? And be specific. Don't just say "raccoons" (even though we all know raccoons is the best fit.)

Discuss!

The democrats would have tripped over themselves crying about it and appealing to norms and civility and their usual gormless bullshit and Kamala would have eaten shit even harder.

And instead of shouting "read the room!" the DNC consultant and liberal pundit classes would have gone along for that ride because they are just as clueless as their bosses.

What's new and what's good, comrades? It was kinda nice being away for the entire election bullshit but otherwise I'm playing catch up for the last 30 days.

I hope you all have been well and you have instituted fully automated luxury communism (with gay characteristics) in my absence.

I got caught drinking again. It feels better to come clean about it. I'm tired of being a drunk mess. It takes so much energy to be a functional alcoholic. Please don't do what I did when faced with this genocide reality. Its so hard. You just want to push it aside. Don't fall into the self medication trap. Its a trap and it will fuck you! Christ I am still so fucked up and I try not to do the "drunk posting" thing. I smashed a glass thing and picked through the glass to find something worthy, something with a cutting edge, because concerned relatives already emptied my gun closet and took them away. I'm bleak as hell right now. I want to be ethered. something where I can go away but I won't fuck up my family by doing it. But thats selfish. I'm a communist. I can't do that to myself because I don't want it to bounce back on other people. Communism is why I don't slouch and let myself slide into these pits. I need to be here for the rest of y'all. The hiding takes so much energy away from myself. I'm so tired of the selfish act of nipping a bott;e. Im very sorry but theres nowhere else to post it

I hope I helped somebody else laugh. Like when you re-read what I wrote I was just trying to have a positive energy or I was doing a bit

I read awhile that they call these things "deaths of despair." for whatits worth I get that. I finally get that. But we aren't alone. Im fucked up but I won't be part of that grim tally. I refuse that.

Huckleberry is the Sunspider that runs into my bathroom whenever I take a shit at night and tries to hide in the shadow under my feet. She also runs around my desk sometimes. Huckleberry's body and head (not including legs) is about 2cm long, which is about as big they get where I live. The front pair of legs aren't actually legs - they are called "pedipalps" and she holds them up while running around to touch stuff like a little kid doing airplane arms. She zooms around eating dust mites and other small bugs and is very fast. Huckleberry is an arachnid but closer in relation to a scorpion than a spider. She has no venom and spins no web preferring to hunt and explore.

You may also know these fine creatures by other names: Whipscorpion or Camel Spider.

So say hi to Huckleberry, she is nice.

Every so often some synapse decides to zap my brain and I think about the "black folk ain't having no Bernie" tweet.

Was it a tweet? I can't remember anymore. But I still remember that line. Just at random. Apropos of nothing. Not even in a "hey remember that?" sorta way. Instead it just fires off and disappears almost as quickly as it appeared.

How about y'all?

How do they do it? You'd think running that slogan for years would have laid some kind of framework for being ready for an alternative doormat-being they can shit out into the oval office.

I mean, if people followed that slogan they wouldn't need Biden.

What gives? Wrong answers also welcome.