Ask Lemmy

Here you go, OP (rehost of a preprint here). There's no need to get anecdotal about this; it's a very well-studied question in psychology, sociology, and economics. The U-shape has extensive evidence supporting it. If "have you gotten progressively less happy as you age?" were the prompt here, I wouldn't be doing this, but you asked a general question that can be and has been answered empirically over and over.

There are peaks and valleys. I've been happier, but I've been more miserable.

I would say it depends on your ability to live your life in a way that makes you happy. It's a kind of nothing answer, but human experience largely boils down to ability to self determine internally and externally.

My heart says no but the micro plastic in my brain says yes.

People born in the late 90s onward sure do, we get to see every expected milestone dissapear under a pile of enshitification and vanishing wages/opportunities as people who increasingly seem like disney villains do their best to make everything even worse.

Nope, it's personal and specific to how you lived your life.

My unhappiness peaked in highschool. Although current events have me closer to that level than I've been in a long time. Having friends that don't suck now helps a lot.

I'm getting progressively more happy I think

I'm in my 70's. I feel I've been getting happier over time. Kids grow up and leave, Work becomes stable. Finances become more stable. When you retire, it's like a whole new life (as long as you plan it correctly).

Im my case was the opposite; the farthest I get from my abusive and narcissists parents the happier I get...

I'm 55 and can honestly say I am more happy today then I have ever been in the past, not because of money or lots of friends but because I have learned a lot about myself in the last 10 years.

if you're from a loving, supportive family: Yes for a time you can get unhappy as you age. You get more and more responsibilities. And by Responsibilities I mean you are expected to do things without praise. Like taking care of yourself and then a family. No one claps for you getting groceries or taking out the garbage. (Though if your in an abusing family this is very different : you can get happier as you get closer to the age to escape)

Then, once you adapt to this and you become self reliant for approval, it gets easier. You get happier in more self sustaining ways in which you get hobbies. Embrace the freedom of choices.

Then one day responsibilities get lighter. Like maybe someone who's been very reliant on you develops their own independence and leaves.

And then you're even more happier than ever. Happy for them. You helped get them there and grow. Also happy for yourself as you get more free time to do stuff for you.

Like imagine being that person you wanted to grow up to be as child with no parents or other responsibilities to stop you from doing things you wanted to do. And the best thing: you have the confidence and life story to know you're entirely capable now.

That's if you're doing this self development thing right.

I've known ppl who don't ever develop personal acceptance and end up in earlier life cycles of constant dependencies on others around them and bouncing back into depression. constantly reliving a specific age: like remarriage / recapture a prom night experience / doing something just to get dad approval like that's the happiest they ever could be. And it always includes seeking approval. Someone else has to be a centric piece to their happiness. Someone else always has to act a part.

Tldr: Look after your mental health. Roll the hard six. Sometimes discomfort is growth. If this is something you can't live with: talk to a professional to help you get there cuz this is part of being human and your brain will trick you into doing some meaningless, wasteful shit if you don't trick it first.

Developmental psychology (Erik Erickson's theory) teaches us that adults tend to go one of two ways as they approach and hit mid-life - generativity and stagnation. People who have a purpose, who are considering leaving some sort of mark or legacy, to contributing to society tend to fare better. They are happier and more satisfied as time goes on. Folks who become self-absorbed and preoccupied with their own comfort and convenience will then stagnate, which you can imagine is the cranky old person stereotype.

I do subscribe to this theory which is why at 43 I am running a non-profit I started, working to empower other leaders in my community, working on changing legislation for my community, working on building the community itself. I want to be the kind of person who is generous and kind and open-hearted, and be fulfilled. I don't want to be the person who is counting the ways life did them wrong, using that as a justification to lick wounds and retreat from life, jaded and alone.

Why they less happy? Closer to death yay!

Cult upbringing aside, I had a good and loving family. They were genuinely doing the best with what they knew. I'll never fault them for that.

All my real damage came from being an adult, in a world that was radically more dangerous and difficult than my sheltered upbringing prepared me for. And that damage is cumulative. We just gather more of it as we survive more shit through the decades.

This is a difficult question to answer in a generic sense because right now there are a lot of external factors that are progressively making people unhappier and it’s not really to do with age.

It's less about age and more about our ability to take care of our responsibilities. As children, we have few, and taking care of them takes little time and is easy. As we grow we get more and more, and if our abilities don't grow in tandem we become stressed and unhappy. It's easy to find yourself in a situation as a young adult where you have lots of responsibilities and not enough time, money, and training to discharge all of them. Similarly in middle age if you haven't kept upskilling and you find yourself outclassed professionally by younger professionals.

Some ways to fight this are by keeping your lifestyle simple and inexpensive; by constantly seeking to improve; by being parsimonious with your social commitments; and by building a network of mutually supportive friends and colleagues who can help you during sudden spikes of need or sudden dropoffs in ability, such as unexpected illness.

There are many people who never find a moment of peace in their lives and may become more vocal as they age. For most people, in my observation, there comes a point where they move past their easier life and live with a sense of peace or accomplishment.

Depends on how you look at it. As you age and go through experiences, things won't quite affect you to the same extremes as they did when you were younger. I suppose because you lose those high points, it could be seen as sadder. But you also don't deal with the lows as terribly, and that's a blessing. It's also much more peaceful. To me, it's just different.

I don't even know what happiness is at this point. I am, however, at peace.

I think age is one of a bunch of factors. I don't think it's directly related though. I'd argue you actually get happier assuming youve been making moves to improve your life/position while aging. Not having done so could be a double wammy though. Then shit is not improving and you blame yourself (potentially rightfully) for that. Maybe in the 80+ category but it should for the most part just mostly improve or plateau from idk like 25-30 up.

No, for most people there is a low point in their midlife somewhere, then progressively happier once past that.

I've never been as unhappy as an adult, as I was when a child. My least happy adult time was my 30s, and from there it's been all upward. I'm sure once I am old old there will be health shit to worry about, but for now it's easier to be happy than it was before, and I have seen research showing that is typical.

There isn't a universal answer, I expect it depends a lot on your worldview and whether you got past your hangups earlier in life, and what your health, regrets and living situation are. I have anecdotal evidence both ways.

I don't think so. I've read the opposite and IME you learn not to sweat the small stuff. That helps a lot.

Another lemming posted some data already but I guess, intuitively, it makes sense: no responsibilities and usually taken care of -> some responsibilities without the PFC/maturity necessary to handle them efficiently but you still somewhat prioritise and have time for fun-> even larger responsibilities (usually caring for other people as well, like children and parents) but with enough maturity to handle them without needing to focus on youthful hedonism -> fewer responsibilities but still mature and now probably in a better financial position, and you can already be satisfied with your lot in life and what you've done with it -> little to no responsibilities and you're usually taken care of.

The extrovert living inside of me is getting laid back and grumpy, that's for sure

You either die young or live long enough for everyone you care and love about to pass away.

I'm in my late 40s now, and I've been getting happier as I get older.

Curmudgeon in training, I fear...

Not necessarily. I've been getting happier and happier over time, even despite the world getting shittier. Of course there still are problems, but I'm fairly sure i can fix those over time as well.

Though that might be more from that my childhood wasn't that great, not the worst physical abuse either, but not a normal one either with a dash of psychological and emotional abuse and minimal support, only what's required by the law.

So getting older, getting nore comfortable within my body and figuring myself out, stuff which usually is done in childhood and teenage years in a safe and supportive environment, has been helpful in making life more comfortable and having more control over my own life, which ultimately allowes me to make life more comfortable for myself and become happier.

I think that you have a lot of agency over how you live your life and what you do, which has a huge impact on your happiness.

There is no general answer here, just try to do more things that you know are good for you and make you happy. Eat healthier, stay reasonably fit, get a good and consistent sleep cycle (this has a huge hormonal impact on your happiness). Enjoy good art, make meaningful connections, if you are angry about the state of the world, try to revolt.

I generally get more happy the older I get.

I've reached the idgaf phase where most things I was worried about when younger are just irrelevant. As for being happier, my life is better, but my mental health has declined. I don't think that is necessarily age-related. Or maybe I just don't have the energy to cope with it anymore.

People progressively lose all their friends as they get older.

I'm getting pretty pissy in my age. Too many responsibilities, not enough money and time to handle them all.