this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2026
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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Today I have selected a little thing I did a while back to share with everyone, Cats of Ulthar a horror story by H. P. Lovecraft. It might look a little weird because I adapted it from an accordion book format, but I think I did a decent job of adapting it.

And also, remember my last mega? Well, I did manage to finish the book, so I'm putting it here for you to download. I made a version for reading digitally, but the main purpose would be for printing, that's why I stuck with A4 size. I can try to make instructions on how to make the printed pages into a neat book in the future if anyone wants it.

Well, if anyone has any suggestions on other short stories, specially horror stories, I'd love to make them into illustrated books, I love doing this and it's super fun for me, so I'd like to keep going.

Download linksCats of Ulthar

The Raven


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top 50 comments
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[–] gaystyleJoker@hexbear.net 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

Disaster_of_Passion* (1/26 - 2/1)
Eco* (2/2 - 2/8)
GayTuckerCarlson* (2/9 - 2/15)
oscardejarjayes* (2/16 - 2/22)
Shaleesh* (2/23 - 3/1)
SwitchyandWitchy* (3/2 - 3/8)
Wmill* (3/9 - 3/15)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

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[–] RION@hexbear.net 19 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Today is 1 year on HRT. Should probably have some bigger meditations on it but right now I just feel lonely. I really only have two friends, both have actual lives compared to me. I know I ought to just touch grass, meet more people, fill my life up... I just wish I was more important in the lives of people I already know?

[–] HexaSnoot@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

I want to be close with people my friend is close with. So when they asked if I wanted to hang out with their loved one, I told them just that. They felt touched by me saying that, and they started introducing me to their friends a little more. I'm feeling like a bigger part of my friend's life now.

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[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

bottom surgery update final dayGoing home! As far as I know everything's good

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[–] catter@hexbear.net 16 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Got some new glasses today! "You know these are women's glasses, right?" Hell yeah I do 😎

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[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 16 points 3 weeks ago (13 children)

Whenever I get more than 10 upbears I instantly feel like a celebrity here since there are only like 15 accounts on hexbear xi-pog majority approval right there

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[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 15 points 2 weeks ago

The universe must have been listening, cause i got randomly she/her-ed today!!!!! That never happens! Last time it happened without the person clocking me and stumbling a bit before saying correct pronouns was over a year ago, and god it made my day. It was a really shitty day cause ive reached the point of precarity where i need to apply for the jobs that have a far higher risk of like dislocating my joints (i have bad joints and probably bad connective tissues in general), and that random comment from a guy unloading stuff as i was walking into a store just made my day so much better. I passed for the first time in forever and it made me so happy to just be seen as a woman for once, and not as trans first and maybe woman second. I always get he/him-ed by that type of person, and today i didnt! I just got seen as a woman! I wasnt even wearing makeup, just a fresh shaven face and a simple outfit. On the one hand, fuck passing, but on the other hand, i was seen as a woman without any asterisk next to it or anything!!!! Ahhhh so happy!

[–] XiaCobolt@hexbear.net 15 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Me with Genie: I wish to have been turned into a cis girl in my childhood.

Genie: that might be tricky, time travel etc

Me: what about instead if all people were nice to trans women?

Genie: so specifically what age in childhood?

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[–] juniper@hexbear.net 15 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

SHOUTOUT TO MY FAVORITE BEVERAGE @BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net spongebob-party

[–] Sodium_nitride@lemmygrad.ml 12 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Eggnog appreciation time!? What a wonderful time.

I have eggnog locked up in my fridge

(the literal drink, not our beautiful sister. Should be clear about these things)

(Eggnog, if you're reading this, hello!)

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[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

:cat-trans: surprised but thank you

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[–] XiaCobolt@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

my rambling musing CW transphobia dysphoria destransistion suicide I think it's a lot milder and upbeat than the CW implies but I'm covering those triggers etcI think it's fair to say that trans people I'm in contact with online and IRL are doing it hard being trans.

Lately I've been getting this headache behind the eyes whenever a problem comes up that is directly connected to being trans. And it feels like it's daily.

Like I got a complaint at work that I know is transphobically motivated and fortunately my team is good and knows it's spurious but it sucks.

I lay in bed thinking this morning about what it would take to destransistion. Not sincerely. Just sometimes I like to weigh my options. When things have been bad in the past I've done it for suicide and each time I went, you know I don't want to do that.

The thought made me feel like vomiting. So I guess that's nice feedback from myself that I'm doing the right thing.

I just wish cis people were chill about trans people. Or fuck treat it like it is the hard work it is. Oh and maybe do something about misogyny while they're at it.

"Hi Xia you are a normal type of woman and I am going to treat you a woman, which is good and nice, not bad and creepy. Also great job on being trans I got you a smoothie"

Basically that please.

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[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

bottom surgery update day 7Got my stent and catheter out!!

It felt WEIRD AS FUCK. Ive never bottomed so this was the first time Ive had anything like that sensation... the stent was fucking massive. We have to start dilating today and the one they want us to use, the biggest one, isnt that much thicker than what I used to be. It looks massive staring at it lol. I have to watch the video on How To Dilate again, I watched it like 2 months ago and Ive helped other girls do it (not here lol, like when theirs was still fresh) so I feel confident but whatever. Ill watch it again.

Pain is a little more than yesterday at the start of the day but with the stent out and more gauze out and stitches out, I actually feel pretty good. With the stent out she looks a little more like a regular vagina, just more swollen and still some gauze around my clitoris.

[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

dilatingIt makes me feel like I have to poop wtf

[–] MusicOwl@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

yeppp welcome to the club

[–] Ceres@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

its been really great to read your updates, hopefully ill get to journal mine here too in a few years time

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[–] Disaster_of_Passion@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I got a little label maker awhile back to label bottles I was using for some spice/seasoning blends I was making, but now I just kinda use it every once in awhile to print a label that says "CUTE" to stick on my forehead or "BOOB" to stick on my boob.

That's the intended use; you're doing it right.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Just upset and lonely. Messaged two people and convo didn't go anywhere, got one reply from each that's it. And I get it, they both have their own things going on, but fuck. I'm sad.

At least my support group meets tonight, get to be alone with others. That's better right

[–] Sodium_nitride@lemmygrad.ml 13 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

πŸ˜” sorry yall ... I post to garner attention because the alternative of no human contact is genuinely horrifying.

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[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 13 points 2 weeks ago (11 children)

bottom surgery update day 8Going home tomorrow! Today is mostly chill, 4 dilations like will be normal for the next month. Surgeon saw me and seemed happy with the result, everything looks like its healing properly. There should be a new crop of girls fresh from surgery today to the recovery house, it was a little eerie last night with just me and I think two others?

A little more pain this morning, dunno why. Probably 3/10? Mainly in the incisions. Not concerning according to surgeon, perfectly normal just take pain meds.

My vagina (β™‘) smells like a vagina, that didn't take long lol. It was realllllly nice not tucking and everything's flat, and my legs can close way closer! Very very happy today.

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[–] GayTuckerCarlson@hexbear.net 12 points 2 weeks ago

"I always read the mega body text, how did you know?"

speech-r

arm-L gigachad-hd arm-R

Unfortunately my emotional landscape varies between "Oh God I Am Alone, pay Attention to me" and "am Femme, but if perceived I will explode hehe"

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Talked a lot more this week! Was very nice. Mostly just politics 'n shit, kinda hate talking with libs about politics. When we were talking about greenland I said I wasn't super sure if they'd actually go through with it, because it would lose a lot of rich people a lot of money with damage to trade routes and stuff. Then someone chimes in with "and his voters wouldn't like it! They've said its the line in the sand!" like can we be fr right now. But it was nice to get to talk more. Also:

lets talk about what we can do when we feel dysphoric [therapist]

cisgay immediately starts talking about not revealing she's gay at church

blocky-wat

I like her but what. Yes it was that abrupt.

[–] The_Dawn@hexbear.net 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Sex, dating, transphobia

I know this is a crazy thing to login to vent about but here it goes.::

::Holy shit it drives me crazy how many people cannot approach/handle/sleep with a trans woman. I've been doing this a long time. I'm hot. I've got a sense of style and a physicality and personality that's magnetic. I'm having more casual sex than most people, statistically.::

::But when it comes time for TME people to cinch the deal, they'll fumble a tgirl everytime rather than deigning to show explicit attraction to a trans woman. I mean like god imagine if a removed turned me down I might as well kill myself.::

::All this combined with me being a hypersexual kinda scumbag masc lesbian means that I'm constantly surrounded by people who are not making it subtle that they wanna fuck me, but if I ever tried to bring up the subtext of everything they've said they would gaslight themselves, then me, then tell all their friends I'm a creepyremoved.::

::Yes I've been stood up twice this month. Yes I'm thinking about the coworker who said to my face that "she wished girls had dicks so she could stop dating boys." Yes I'm thinking of how I've been a disposable sex object to every non-trans woman in my life. Yes I'll be fine and have been fine and I'm sorry

[–] shallot@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Got the day off from work, but I’m stressed about and overwhelmed by all of the other shit I need to be doing in my life so I’m day drinking and reading about different terminal emulators instead of dealing with anything.

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[–] rafflesia@hexbear.net 12 points 2 weeks ago

me when people try to get my attention using the name i told them to use instead of the one ive gone by: blob-no-thoughts wonder-who-thats-for

[–] OffSeasonPrincess@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Idk if i like or hate my parents sometimes

[–] SexUnderSocialism@hexbear.net 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Rumor has it that if you transition under the condition of high levels of radiation, you become a witch.

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[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Ok but fr having to turn around all my plushies when I want to be evil 😈 is hard work. They are my innocent babies and I can't lead them astray πŸ₯Ί they're also my strongest soldiers who guard me while I'm asleep (I had a dream of them doing this so it must be true)

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[–] catter@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

Women really get treated very differently in the grocery store. I don't know what I changed, but recently I am getting correctly gendered when I wear a mask now. I preferred not being bothered while I shop, even though the frequent offers to help are gender affirming.

[–] SpookyBogMonster@lemmy.ml 11 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

How it feels, as a transfem, trying to talk to cis women

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[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

::: spoiler vent about misogyny/transphobia I hate when people tell me my existence is "valid". Like, wtf do you even mean by that? My existence isnt "valid", or rather all existence is inherrently "valid" because it is. Saying im "valid" just reeks of "youre performing femininity in a manner that i dont find immediately disgusting or wrong" and just, fuck that so much. Just be honest and use the word "acceptable" or say "comforms enough that i dont have to challenge my deeply held misogyny", embrace your self-appointment as arbiter of femininity and womanhood and own that youre a gatekeeping asshole.

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[–] Ceres@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

away from my pc for close to a week, now spoiled with so much megathread to catch up on waow

[–] Alisu@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Mondays are cool, I get to do a Mega, then do my injection and just chill for a little in the morning.}

I look exactly like garf-chan right now, but happy about monday

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[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

::: spoiler cw kink

Had a very fun impact scene. God sometimes i forget how fun it is. I wish i could get beaten every day but my body cant handle it. And the person i was playing with is so communicative and receptive to me speaking up about my weird broken special care needing body, she doesnt make me feel like im topping from the bottom, she hears me when i say "hey thats too close to tendons" or "hey thats not an ok spot to hit cause my joints are bad". Feels so safe and so good. I love being a freaky kinky weirdo

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[–] Nasalstrip@hexbear.net 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Cw: kink but not really nsfw

spoilerI really miss having the dom/sub relationship I had with a gnc ex of mine a few years ago. I’m struggling HARD to keep up with life, especially balancing college and work and dealing with my overwhelming desire to chill out and stay home 24/7 + constant exhaustion. It’s hard to care about doing normal life stuff when no one’s really around to care enough to motivate me or congratulate me when I do get things done, or appreciate me really. Used to be my ex would show me tons of affection when I successfully did something that took effort, but would also be kind when I couldn’t do something. And when it was something I REALLY had to do, like make a doctors appointment for a pressing issue, they’d put their foot down and it was nice to give someone else control

Been single for years now w no close friends and have been totally absent from any kind of dynamic like that and fuck bruh I miss it so much 😭 anyways, college starts again tomorrow… sigh

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[–] Kuori@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

bottom surgery stufflmao i am so bad at following doctor's orders it's incredible. when they tell you "DO NOT LIFT MORE THAN 10 POUNDS" they really aren't fucking around but i did and finding out sure sucks ass. sitting in the fucking red sea rn ow ow ow bleh

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[–] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

weight and exerciseI've gained about 25lbs (or 11kg in COMMUNISM units) since September and, while my ass and tits are popping off with this caloric surplus, it's taken a noticeable toll on my health. I need to get on some cardio and strength training before none of my clothes fit me anymore...negative

[–] Sodium_nitride@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 3 weeks ago

I finished my exam and I don't know if I'll get a good grade. But, oh well, I still got more exams and assignments left to do.

[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

bottom surgery update day 6My dressing finally came off~ I now can visually confirm it was not all an elaborate prank lol. She is very swollen and bruised and has a gigantic stent in but I have what is obviously a vagina! Its very nice.

Pain still ain't all that bad, I have more energy than before. I was really frustrated and mad this morning (doesnt really matter about what) but its all good now.

I still have 3 more days of being in the recovery house and Im getting a little homesick and want to snuggle in my own bed 😫. Some of my friends whove gone through the same bottom surgery are... self-concious? about the pace of my recovery. I have no judgements towards them, we all have different levels of inflammation, different pain tolerances, maybe the only thing controllable is that I know how important mobilization is from work? And I push myself, perhaps too hard, thats about it.

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[–] RION@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago

Night 2 of being down with the sickness. This is not very oo ah ah ah I must say

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (4 children)

voice dysphoriaVoice dysphoria and the hopelessness that surrounds it has been pretty bad for me all day so I decided to search through old posts and see what people have said to me about it over the last two years. Surprised I couldn't find more results tbh. Anyway like a year and a half ago someone said

Feeling sad and bitter about your voice is normal, you "just" have gender dysphoria. You'll be okay, I swear this gets better. It's slow, yeah, but the time is going to pass anyway and how do you want to sound in 2 years right?

and unfortunately I haven't changed my voice even a tiny bit. Think I'm more bitter then I was back then. I feel like back then I had more hope of training "eventually" as well.

Honestly the longer this goes on for the less hope I have in ever being able to train. Its so dysphoric. Not improving. I don't think I realistically can force myself through it. :/

before you suggest it, no I won't be happy with an untrained voice either.

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[–] Disaster_of_Passion@hexbear.net 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

"Rice and Some Stuff" really is just peak culinary performance

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[–] Sodium_nitride@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 3 weeks ago

I'm panicking so much my throat feels dry. I've been like this all day. These days, I've even started going to back to drinking caffeine, which is a BAD SIGN. I don't want to do any of this.

[–] JohnBrownsBussy2@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago

I fucked up this morning. Things will be okay, but I fucked up regardless.

relationship conflict, transphobia, internalized transmisogyny, gatekeeping, passing, guilt, ventingWhen I was driving my gf to work, she noticed that her skirt was inside out, and wanted to fix it before she got to work. We were going a gas station for coffee/breakfast anyways. The issue came up about which bathroom to use. She wanted to use the women's, but I was scared/concerned for her and urged her not to. She ended up using the men's. There was no one else there thankfully, but when we got back to the car she was distraught. She insisted that she wasn't upset with me specifically, but she felt terrible about using the wrong restroom. She said that she knew the risks of using the women's restroom without 100% passing/being stealth, and that being trans in this country (US), was dangerous and that we lived dangerous lives. I apologized, I told her that I was scared for her but that I wouldn't dissuade her or undermine her decisions in the future.

I think we'll be okay, but I feel terrible about it and I am worried about the future. My gf loves wearing skirts/femme clothing, but isn't interested in feminizing makeup or trying to pass in general. This isn't the first time we've had this type of conflict. We have a membership at the YMCA, and because it's a family gym/community center I advised her to not wear a skirt there either because I was worried about her being harassed or even assaulted by some parent who would claim they were "protecting their child." We use the private changing room at the Y, but I am just paranoid about even being attacked in the hallway.

Moreover, I feel like I am gatekeeping femininity and but I don't know how to let go due to my anxious paranoia. Personally, I only present as a woman or use a woman's restroom when I know I can comfortably pass (either a full face of makeup, or eye makeup and a KN95 mask to cover the lower half of my face). For me,feeling like I pass of course relieves dysphoria, but is also a major safety tool. My gf is nonbinary and a POC, and I understand that "passing" is wrapped up in eurocentric beauty standards and gender essentialism, and I can see why it isn't a priority for her.

So, this is kind of a vent because I don't have an ask for advice. I know what I need to do, which is to step back and support my gf's decisions, and to be there to help protect her from transphobes. It's just going to be hard.

[–] Sodium_nitride@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

Hmmm, I did a full body shave. Now I have prickly hairs and rashes everywhere. It's so bad it feels like I'm covered in sand and itch power.

This is not "being cooked". This is American style deep lard frying.

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