Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Transmasculine Pride Ring ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ
Today I have selected a little thing I did a while back to share with everyone, Cats of Ulthar a horror story by H. P. Lovecraft. It might look a little weird because I adapted it from an accordion book format, but I think I did a decent job of adapting it.
And also, remember my last mega? Well, I did manage to finish the book, so I'm putting it here for you to download. I made a version for reading digitally, but the main purpose would be for printing, that's why I stuck with A4 size. I can try to make instructions on how to make the printed pages into a neat book in the future if anyone wants it.
Well, if anyone has any suggestions on other short stories, specially horror stories, I'd love to make them into illustrated books, I love doing this and it's super fun for me, so I'd like to keep going.
Download links
Cats of Ulthar
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spoiler
HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST
if you have a preferred week please tell me
Disaster_of_Passion* (1/26 - 2/1)
Eco* (2/2 - 2/8)
GayTuckerCarlson* (2/9 - 2/15)
oscardejarjayes* (2/16 - 2/22)
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โ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
Idk if i like or hate my parents sometimes
I said something along these lines earlier but figured I'd make a comment here too, maybe someone will have something to say
Several cis women I know have offered to help however they can, if I have questions, etc. But I do not know how to have them help or what to ask them to explain. I feel like I've seen people in these megas wishing they has a cis woman to take them under their wing and show them things, explain things, but I guess I don't know what they could really do or explain for me... if that makes sense.
I guess taking me to get makeup or clothes... but idk if I'm comfortable enough to do that/girlmode in public.
Me with Genie: I wish to have been turned into a cis girl in my childhood.
Genie: that might be tricky, time travel etc
Me: what about instead if all people were nice to trans women?
Genie: so specifically what age in childhood?
I said trans women because I'm one but this joke could be adjusted for all trans or gender diverse people
::: spoiler jealousy i think? I keep seeing the shorter trans women in my life have affirming experiences and it makes me kinda sad, like, im very happy theyre being seen as themselves, but its a little frustrating to know that will rarely be me, and when it is its often from a pity perspective or a concious choice instead of just the automatic "that person = woman" subconcious process. I wouldnt trade my height i dont think, i love my long legs and my body in general (when im not having dysphoria or dysmorphia incidents), but it would be nice to, when in non-transfemme spaces, occasionally get automatically she/her-ed instead of he/him-ed or the dreaded "what are your pronouns"/*glances at me* "ok lets everybody share our pronouns!"
spoiler
yea honestly, god I wish I could be the short one, have smaller hands then someone, etc. All those experiences. Instead I'm fuckin huge.
::: spoiler kinda went off on a tangent here. Its kinda mindfucky cause on the one hand, i know im a pretty gal, people are attracted to me and its clear. But at the same time, its just constant he him sir etc. Or asking pronouns. People rarely gender me correctly automatically, and its really frustrating. Fuck i even had to ask my sweetie to stop using explicitly and only they/them for me when talking about me in the 3rd person. Like, wtf? Shes trans, she should get this! I get that lots of trans women also use they/them, and she said she uses they/them for people by default, but like, thats still misgendering and idk like shes addressed it to a degree but its still frustrating to even have to bring that up... Like i have bonus pronouns that ill share if i feel safe, and none of them are they/them.
Women really get treated very differently in the grocery store. I don't know what I changed, but recently I am getting correctly gendered when I wear a mask now. I preferred not being bothered while I shop, even though the frequent offers to help are gender affirming.
Cis people, even queer cis people, do not understand how important being in a good state is. I was talking with someone at work about my move and they didn't understand why I'd want to move there. And the reason was really minor, think preferring the weather. Which fair, you know if you'd not like the weather in the state I'm moving to but 
healthcare, socially things being better, legal protections, ts is way more important.
my rambling musing CW transphobia dysphoria destransistion suicide I think it's a lot milder and upbeat than the CW implies but I'm covering those triggers etc
I think it's fair to say that trans people I'm in contact with online and IRL are doing it hard being trans.
Lately I've been getting this headache behind the eyes whenever a problem comes up that is directly connected to being trans. And it feels like it's daily.
Like I got a complaint at work that I know is transphobically motivated and fortunately my team is good and knows it's spurious but it sucks.
I lay in bed thinking this morning about what it would take to destransistion. Not sincerely. Just sometimes I like to weigh my options. When things have been bad in the past I've done it for suicide and each time I went, you know I don't want to do that.
The thought made me feel like vomiting. So I guess that's nice feedback from myself that I'm doing the right thing.
I just wish cis people were chill about trans people. Or fuck treat it like it is the hard work it is. Oh and maybe do something about misogyny while they're at it.
"Hi Xia you are a normal type of woman and I am going to treat you a woman, which is good and nice, not bad and creepy. Also great job on being trans I got you a smoothie"
Basically that please.
Hmmm, I did a full body shave. Now I have prickly hairs and rashes everywhere. It's so bad it feels like I'm covered in sand and itch power.
This is not "being cooked". This is American style deep lard frying.
I'm so sorry your skin is irritated like this.
I know this is unsolicited advice, but this makes me recall when used to shave against the grain of my hair everywhere. It could get rashy and dry. Do you want a lotion reccomendation that didn't burn/irritate my skin at all, and prevented itching for days?
In a pinch, when I ran out of lotion and itched terribly, a thin coat of petroleum jelly helped. I made sure to wash and dry my hands first so the salt from my sweat didn't transfer onto my skin.
Both did great at helping my skin heal.
I feel you 
i shaved my legs cause i couldnt handle the hair anymore. Now im paying for it, and will be for a good while 
Honestly, get an epilator. It might be a little painful the first time you do it, but it's worth it for no itching, no rashes. Well, at least for me it works. But maybe you could try it. Also, moisturize and take care of your skin before and after shaving, thay can make a big difference.
Ive got an eiplator, it just has a bit of a rough process for me cause my hairs are super curly, so i end up with suuuper ingrown hairs. I have big red dots (like, half the diameter of a penny) from epilating 6 months ago. Theyre ingrown hairs that are so far beneath the surface that they cant be squeezed out but right after epilating everything is very smooth and nice, and it stays that way for a while. Its just the process a month down the line where things start getting bad.
I'm sure this has already occured to you, but you might benefit from shaving products for sensitive skin. Any chance your body hair is dark enough to be lasered? Seems like that would save you a lot of grief.
Yes to both, but laser for legs is iirc not covered by insurance and is like $700/session. And for fancy products, well, tbh im broke af and like maybe 6-12 months from living in my car and cant get a fucking job cause noone is hiring except in jobs that will quite literally destroy my body. The jobs im able to do are all saturated and noones hiring and ugh i hate this shit so bad.
::: spoiler vent about misogyny/transphobia I hate when people tell me my existence is "valid". Like, wtf do you even mean by that? My existence isnt "valid", or rather all existence is inherrently "valid" because it is. Saying im "valid" just reeks of "youre performing femininity in a manner that i dont find immediately disgusting or wrong" and just, fuck that so much. Just be honest and use the word "acceptable" or say "comforms enough that i dont have to challenge my deeply held misogyny", embrace your self-appointment as arbiter of femininity and womanhood and own that youre a gatekeeping asshole.
within above context CW transphobia/ableism
Some cis people I find are supportive of trans people but view us being kind of disabled.
Somewhere between harmlessly mentally ill versus cursed with the wrong body. And it makes them uncomfortable so they say things like "valid" in the way someone who walks despite being partially paralysed is "brave".
And they struggle when we show joy, humour or just normalcy because we're aberrant to their world view.
I find my best cis friends and allies are the ones who forget I'm trans even though I'm not passing who will bring stuff up like their period or pregnancy scares or whatever, then realise oh shit and apologize.
But it makes me feel great because they see me as a woman first.
kind of disabled
harmlessly mentally ill
cursed with the wrong body
Holy shit real though.
Re: the cursed part I think some cis people are like god/destiny/biology has given trans people the body they don't want and that's sad and we shouldn't be mean to them.
But the solution to them is trans people stay sad freaks they pity. They are uncomfortable with cross gender hormones or surgeries. Why do you need that YOU ARE VALID!
This doesn't just apply to trans people. I have a cis friend who is a bald woman. People constantly say things like "you don't need a wig, bald is beautiful" and she is like "shut the fuck up I want my hair back!"
100000% the validity stuff isnt just trans, thats just where i personally run into it the most cause, well, *gestures vaguely at body*
::: spoiler same context
I find my best cis friends and allies are the ones who forget I'm trans even though I'm not passing who will bring stuff up like their period or pregnancy scares or whatever, then realise oh shit and apologize.
I want cis friends who forget im trans. I only really have one cis friend. The rest are all nonbinary or trans. And even there, theres always something that makes things difficult (generally around my experience of autism running counter to either their experience of autism or their perception of autism if theyre not autistic). Idk, just feels hard to find people. But ive got people around me, thats what matters.
I'm very lucky that I have some close friends who are cis women who have really just accepted me as another one of the girls. It has helped me to be less intimidated or mystified by other women.
spoiler
I genuinely have no idea what it means when someone tells me I'm valid. I don't feel like I've seen that too much here, but yea literally no idea what that means. It seems like a big deal to some people though
spoiler
For me, I had so much internalized transphobia from my childhood that my own experience with gender felt illusory or that I had to overcome it somehow. I really dislike the phrase because it is not clear what it means, but I think it's to address experiences like mine. My feelings are real and they belong to me.
::: spoiler spoiler Idk, like the way the word is used definitely changes it from being ok to not ok, specifically the statement that my existence is valid is upsetting. If theyre talking about my reaction to something then thats fine, cause my reactions can be valid or invalid. But my existence isnt any more or less valid than other peoples. Idk, my guiding thing to validity statements is like "my thoughts and feelings are inherrently valid cause im having them, my actions taken and words spoken may or may not be tho".
How it feels, as a transfem, trying to talk to cis women
Need to meet someone like this
Need cis women to explain literally anything about being a girl to me, without being incredibly shitty about it
idek how or what to ask them tbh. I know a few cis women who I think would (and one I could have sworn offered) but what do I even say w/o being a complete weirdo
Today is 1 year on HRT. Should probably have some bigger meditations on it but right now I just feel lonely. I really only have two friends, both have actual lives compared to me. I know I ought to just touch grass, meet more people, fill my life up... I just wish I was more important in the lives of people I already know?
sex
This girl went from having just one dick in their life (my own) to three in the past week. My ass about to WORKED 
I havent had coffee for 5 days, not really missing it right now but I know going home its gonna be a huge temptation to start again. I dunno if I wanna quit forever.
i quit drinking coffee recently, I still have it as a treat, but it doesnt really do it for me anymore. Not like the hot ginger / lemon water does! I'm over here obsessing over the smell of boiled ginger and sliced lemons, its soo tasty ๐