lilypad

joined 2 years ago
[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 2 points 21 minutes ago

Yes to both, but laser for legs is iirc not covered by insurance and is like $700/session. And for fancy products, well, tbh im broke af and like maybe 6-12 months from living in my car and cant get a fucking job cause noone is hiring except in jobs that will quite literally destroy my body. The jobs im able to do are all saturated and noones hiring and ugh i hate this shit so bad.

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 2 points 47 minutes ago (1 children)

::: spoiler same context

I find my best cis friends and allies are the ones who forget I'm trans even though I'm not passing who will bring stuff up like their period or pregnancy scares or whatever, then realise oh shit and apologize.

I want cis friends who forget im trans. I only really have one cis friend. The rest are all nonbinary or trans. And even there, theres always something that makes things difficult (generally around my experience of autism running counter to either their experience of autism or their perception of autism if theyre not autistic). Idk, just feels hard to find people. But ive got people around me, thats what matters.

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 2 points 52 minutes ago (2 children)

Ive got an eiplator, it just has a bit of a rough process for me cause my hairs are super curly, so i end up with suuuper ingrown hairs. I have big red dots (like, half the diameter of a penny) from epilating 6 months ago. Theyre ingrown hairs that are so far beneath the surface that they cant be squeezed out doggirl-gloom but right after epilating everything is very smooth and nice, and it stays that way for a while. Its just the process a month down the line where things start getting bad.

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 4 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

::: spoiler jealousy i think? I keep seeing the shorter trans women in my life have affirming experiences and it makes me kinda sad, like, im very happy theyre being seen as themselves, but its a little frustrating to know that will rarely be me, and when it is its often from a pity perspective or a concious choice instead of just the automatic "that person = woman" subconcious process. I wouldnt trade my height i dont think, i love my long legs and my body in general (when im not having dysphoria or dysmorphia incidents), but it would be nice to, when in non-transfemme spaces, occasionally get automatically she/her-ed instead of he/him-ed or the dreaded "what are your pronouns"/*glances at me* "ok lets everybody share our pronouns!"

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 5 points 4 hours ago (4 children)

I feel you doggirl-cry i shaved my legs cause i couldnt handle the hair anymore. Now im paying for it, and will be for a good while doggirl-gloom

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 4 points 4 hours ago

::: spoiler spoiler Idk, like the way the word is used definitely changes it from being ok to not ok, specifically the statement that my existence is valid is upsetting. If theyre talking about my reaction to something then thats fine, cause my reactions can be valid or invalid. But my existence isnt any more or less valid than other peoples. Idk, my guiding thing to validity statements is like "my thoughts and feelings are inherrently valid cause im having them, my actions taken and words spoken may or may not be tho".

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 7 points 5 hours ago (7 children)

::: spoiler vent about misogyny/transphobia I hate when people tell me my existence is "valid". Like, wtf do you even mean by that? My existence isnt "valid", or rather all existence is inherrently "valid" because it is. Saying im "valid" just reeks of "youre performing femininity in a manner that i dont find immediately disgusting or wrong" and just, fuck that so much. Just be honest and use the word "acceptable" or say "comforms enough that i dont have to challenge my deeply held misogyny", embrace your self-appointment as arbiter of femininity and womanhood and own that youre a gatekeeping asshole.

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 5 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

Urxvt has been solid for me for terminals. But really, i just use vterm in emacs lol. C-u M-x vterm and im in my comfort zone doggirl-thumbsup

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 4 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

::: spoiler mental health (not bad just frustrating)

Went to a local org meeting. It was mostly good except it was structured in a way that wasnt terribly useful for me and the discussion went off in ways that were frustrating. List of venting, no particular order:

  • my brain knows its safe, chill, and totally fine. My heart knows its safe, chill, and totally fine. So why does my body, whenever im in a large group of strangers, freak the fuck out? Dumps all the available cortisol into my bloodstream. Screams at me to be ready to freeze or fawn. I know these people arent going to yell at me or hit me, so why does my body not get that message?
  • my hearing difficulties were kicked into high gear. The problem isnt that i cant hear you, its that i can hear you and the five other people talking at the same time, becoming a single stream of words that gramatically makes no sense. It takes so much resource to parse out an individuals voice in a crowd. I got like 60%± of what people said, which makes it hard to participate.
  • my resource/battery ran out about halfway through
  • people are idiots who dont listen to what i say and listen to what they think i say. The word "fascistic" is not the same as the word "fascism", they are inflected differently and mean different things. Grammar is important! I have to remind myself that people in the US read at a middleschool level on average. I can expect that to be higher at a pinko org meeting but not terribly so.
  • i asked one person about their understanding of fascism, which seemed to prompt discussion on what is fascism, which was really frustrating. I wanted to understand how they understood fascism, what their diagnostic criteria are, but instead it became similies metaphors and analogies which while yes i agree with them they arent useful in understanding the process through which a person in that group identifies fascism.
  • unrelated, but my sweetie was kinda boxing me out with bodylanguage afterwards which was frustrating. She shows no desire to own me or have me as property or control me, but does things like this that are acceptable or even nice/desireable to me within those dynamics but without wanting those dynamics. I know she didnt mean anything by it, but my attempts to be in some form of circular arrangement of bodies were met with her repositioning herself to place her body between me and the other person speaking, with her back to me. Felt exclusionary and confusing.

Overall not unhappy with the meeting, but i wont be going back. It was unproductive for me and rather activating. Maybe if i got a bunch of benzos beforehand i could do it, but then id be wrecked at an org meeting which doesnt sound great.

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Thankyou! Id love to be added to the big taglist

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 1 points 2 days ago

Ok! I got bazzite set up for another friend who just wants to play stardew, so im familiar with the process (although the partitioner in the install program was hell lol).

[–] lilypad@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

Heard, ill look into all of these, ty!

 

Hey all,

A friend has expressed disgust with windows 11 and a desire to put linux on their new gaming tower, and asked for some help. I recommended cachy, bazzite, and nobara as distros to look into, but as i barely game and dont game on linux, i wanted to ask for some advice. Ive already told them about the kernel-level anticheat issue, but tbh i dont have a good understanding of linux gaming beyond a high level overview. What are the things i should be looking up and information i should be looking for to understand how to help them get everything set up right? I understand gpu drivers can be an issue, but i havent done gpu driver troubleshooting in years. My main experience of learning things about linux is manpages and info files and reading mailing lists and archforums/wiki (i dont use arch btw).

What would be the best way for me to educate myself in order to help them?

 

Anyone know where i could find a ahem cheaper pdf of the paranoia rulebook(s)? Specifically the d6 diepool version? I would like to play again but dont want to pay for a physical copy. Ive found the math-heavy d20 one, but id prefer the d6 diepool ruleset.

25
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by lilypad@hexbear.net to c/fashion@hexbear.net
 

The latest/upcoming trans mega suggested using more comms, so im posting here my rather simple approach to (liquid) eyeliner. Theres tons of ways to do eyeliner, this is just how i do it. For what its worth, i have partially (mostly) hooded eyelids, and a somewhat prominent browbone. My eyebrows get sparse at the outside and i try to keep them trimmed a bit, not like waxed thinbrows but more boybrow style with some trimming to keep them kempt.

First clean the skin of the eyelid and around the eye, and let dry fully. Get some micellar water and your favourite liner. I like liquids with a brush applicator.

Second, accept that the wings will be siblings or even cousins, but they will not be twins.

Thirdly, accept that it will probably look bad the first times you do it. Youll have to wipe it off and start over. I stopped doing eyeliner for months and months and had to re-teach myself all of this recently which sucked but was worth it. I spent a lot of time staring at the mirror and wiping everything off.

A note on technique: sometimes when i need to be suuuuper precise, i anchor my drawing elbow to the mirror, or even my forehead as well. This stabilizes everything and makes me less likely to be shakey by keeping the drawing implement and/or the drawing surface steady. Also its way easier to add more eyeliner than remove it! Removal is difficult and often (for me) results in removing more than i wanted.

Ok now figure out how big you want the wings to be, and mark two horizontal lines around the terminus/outer point of the wings for each eye. Just a little dash. These lines are super important, they will guide how you create the wing and how even it ends up. Put them on and then take time, examine them, wipe clean and redraw, do this until they are even and mirrored.

Next, use the tippy tip tip of the applicator to draw a straight line from the outside point of the line down to your lower lash line, almost as an extension of your lower lash line. Some people use tape for this part, kind of like a painter, but i find it more difficult to do that.

Now extend the original horizontal line from the inside end of the original starter/guide line straight onto your lid until it meets/intersects your upper lashes.

Ok now fill it in. Just be careful not to draw outside the lines.

You should have the almost final wing. At least, its general, nearfinal shape has been formed. This is the time to adjust things. Get some TP or a cotton wipe, put some micellar water on it, and fold it to form a sharp/hard edge. You can use this to straighten lines and adjust things. Try to take off too little at a time, because of the liquid it will spread a little and if you aim to take off exactly what you want removed, youll take off too much. Also note that shapes can be misleading. Say one wing is straight and the other looks like it curves up a bit. Perhaps this is because the top line curves up and its center needs to be filled in, or perhaps this is because the tip of the wing has an extra little upwards smudge at the end that needs to be removed, or perhaps (this is the one that always messes me up) the bottomside of the wing bulges out a little and needs to be trimmed. Take the time to investigate how the wings are similar and how they are different and adjust based on that.

Next, draw on your eyeliner as youd like it on the lid itself. This depends on the look, but generally i imagine a vertical line at the inside of my iris going straight up to my eyelid, and draw from that intersection point outward towards the wing, starting very thin with the tippytiptip of the applicator, and pressing more and more (or changing how much of the applicator touches the lid) as i move outwards. If it gets too big grab your TP/cotton and slowly remove it, being sure to pull upwards so you dont mess up other parts of the eyeliner.

Ok if youve done all this you have the final eyeliner on the lid, and an almost complete wing, with a somewhat sharp angle where they meet. The next step is to smooth this angle out. Do this slowly, baby steps. Draw from the wing to the liner on the lid or vice versa, but make sure you start within or on the borderline of the wing/lidliner. The goal is to smooth the angle, not change the wing.

Ok! With the angle smoothed you should have a winged eyeliner look! Perhaps it doesnt look good, perhaps it looks amazing. If it doesnt look good, consider why. I know when i was relearning i drew my starter lines too low, and it didnt look good on my face. No solution but to wipe everything clean and redraw the lines higher, or at a slight angle. Sometimes my eyeliner looks bad because i didnt make them even enough. Or because i messed it up and its just kinda messy (liquid liners craves preciseness).

Anyway, i hope that was helpful, or at least enjoyable to read.

54
:dysphoria-2: (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by lilypad@hexbear.net to c/emoji@hexbear.net
 

(my, little, pony, mlp, bojack, horseman)

47
:dysphoria-1: (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by lilypad@hexbear.net to c/emoji@hexbear.net
 

(bojack, horseman, my, little, pony, mlp)

 

There go my coconuts

 

I could use some help with this one folks.

So, im invited camping for several days. My friend p1 inviting me is transmasc, he and his boyfriend p2 (cis) are going. P1 invited another of his friends p3 (likely cis) who i dont know, and his gf p4 (likely cis) is coming along because shes connected to p3 (p1 has never met her). P1 also invited p5 and p6, both cis men. Im the only woman who was explicitly invited, and most likely the only trans woman to be there.

Im really worried and concerned that i will be degendered at first (ill show up with a clean face, done hair, all femme-y) but as my shadow shows up (were camping so i cant shave) and my hair gets fucked up i worry ill be treated as a guy (esp because im like 195cm). I dont think ill be explicitly misgendered, but that kinda makes it worse? Like, when people treat me as a guy without using explicit language it makes it harder to call out.

And this is where i want help... I dont even know how to quantify and qualify the way people degender me or treat me as a guy without misgendering me. And i cant bring this up without doing that for people (men especially) because they dont understand it on an intimate level. Like, every woman, trans or cis, that ive talked about this with has understood on an intuitive level what im talking about. The trans women really get it, and the cis women understand the social experience of being the only woman in a group of men. They dont ask for clarification, they dont demand i tell them exactly what the men are doing and why its bad, they dont require me to do emotional labor for them. Men in my life, cis or trans, tend to want that labor done for them. They dont understand. And when i call out specific behavior (e.g. saying that "hey man/dude" isnt gender neutral) they get defensive and i have to manage their emotions for them (or another woman does), and once theyve calmed down i have to explain why its wrong. And heaven forbid i mention that misandry doesnt exist, then they get really upset.

So, how do i even quantify and qualify the ways this happens? Its so subtle and i suck at subtext. To me its just a vibe, and telling men that their actions are degendering me or treating me as a man without laying out explicitly how they are doing that will only result in them getting angry at me and digging in their heels. How do i explain this to people?

 

This is a bit, right? anakin-padme-2

spoilerPretty sure its some guys personal website, but im unsure, i had to stop quickly after receiving 2d10 psychic damage

 

What if fusion but its really balkan folk music?

 

Short version: what active hearing protection/noise cancelling in ear headphones do you use or recommend, and why?

One of the things i struggle with, without really realizing it, is sound. Theres specific sounds that are really upsetting and make me want to claw my spinal cord out of my neck, namely the sound of metal scraping ceramic. But other "normal" noise also puts a huge drain on my system, and i often dont realize this and just end up feeling exhausted and overwhelmed for no reason. Then when i plug my ears for some reason or another theres instant relief.

So im looking for some sort of (preferably in ear) solution to this issue. I dont really know where to start. I would like to have active protection against everything, that also lets voices through, but letting voices through should be togglable. Ive looked at active hearing protection and it seems to be divided into constant low thrumming sounds like machinery or short high amplitude sounds like gunshots.

I look at noise cancelling in-ear headphones and see a whole range of stuff but have no idea how to evaluate it. Given how expensive everything is, i would really rather buy one thing than try many different products.

My home has the following characteristics: constant construction from across the way, a roommate who listens to really loud music on her speakers and wont turn it down, dealing with hearing people having shouting arguments, traffic noises, etc.

Ideally these would also work for being out and about, but if i could just have some respite from these sounds in my home it would be really nice.

So, if you have used any active hearing protection or noise cancelling headphones you really like, could you tell me what they are and why you like them?

 

How do you write a cover letter for a job doing very basic tasks? I feel like Im either shmoozing and being way over the top, or being realistic in a way that will keep me from getting the job. For reference the job is to package coffee and make other products. I guess i just dont understand. I need a job, they need a worker. This work can be done by most people, its not some field thats relevant, its putting beans in bags and brewing coffee, how can I say "i really want to work here" when in reality any job will do, this is just the one that vibes best with my social capacity and is offered by the least offensive corporation. Like what am I gonna say, "I love brewing coffee, i spend every day constantly brewing coffee and moving my coffee beans from one bag to another, because I just like handling coffee"?

I have also been studying or doing self employed things like tutoring for the past 10 years and my cover letter skills were shit before this and have only gotten worse.

Cant I just write "job. Me need job. You have job. Me need money for survive. You need worker for labour. You give money, i work. I work good." and be done with it?

 

Its just so exhausting and upsetting.

excerpt from a conversation from yesterday (CW transphobia)Transphobe 1: its too tall!

Transphobe 2: what is?

Transphobe 1 gestures at me

Transphobe 1: that thing

The conversation continued with additional transphobia.

And like i get it okay, im not a person, not even a human, but can we just skip the whole conversation? Or is the whole dehumanization and inflicting pain thing the enjoyable part?

I guess a positive is that it shows who the fake and fairweather allies are, like i was surrounded by people i thought were allies but no one said a damn thing. It was transphobe 2 that actually called out his friend cause 'you just cant say that stuff anymore' 🙄. Transphobe 1 proceeded to try and defend his actions by claiming he was using gender neutral language cause he didnt know how to gender me. Like, no motherfucker you fucking werent! Gender neutral language isnt dehumanizing language! Now i get to go organize an event with these same "allies" who said nothing. I demand that you shoot me now, so i dont have to do this.

Im not sure why im so upset about this. Its not that bad, really just par for the course. Not like he was beating me or anything. And allies should be assumed to be false unless otherwise proven. Its just so tiring. So damn exhausting.

Thanks for listening to me

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