Obviously you gotta look out for any news, landing pages, texts, water cooler conversations, TV in general, electronics, opening your eyes, and the town crier but how long could you realistically go?

Assuming you don't go to your bunker in the woods I guess.

I'm gonna try, but my guess is Thursday when I discord with my friends. It'll come up, I'm sure.

That's the post. They really did that.

fucking hopeless and tiring and i still have to go through all this shit anyway without a real choice

well here goes

I’m pretty sure it’s because I let my fucking idiot friend use my phone to contact his dad. He probably meant to delete the conversation but then idk what the fuck happened.

Yeah so over the last couple days I’ve basically lost almost everything. It happens a lot. Internally I’ve been referring to it as a “purge” and it surprisingly hasn’t been fucking with me at all.

probably because i've been eating a lot of really awesome street food (that's admittedly sodium-rich but my choices are on me)

worst pain ever though like not even getting shot would feel this awful but hey at least i now know i'd make for a good punk screamer

anyway ended up going to the hospital and and despite being a foreigner on an L visa it was easy and affordable, and since my chinese is terrible (they naturally assumed such in advance) they had an english-speaking doctor video-call me to explain what the other doctors were doing before using one of those machines to punch my kidney stones into kidney dust

healthcare here is pretty cool, so common china W 😎 too bad i'm pissing blood

No diss, but I'm so weird that I even feel weird by Hexbear standards, and that is an accomplishment.

I can't relate to a lot of people. I have no interest in cisheteronormativity and gender roles, and that alone will distance me from most people. However, even other people I encounter who may feel the same way in that regard generally tend to be too damn .

I have no interest in drinking or consuming any drugs, and I'm uncomfortable with the subcultures around drugs. My taste in music is odd and hard for a good deal of people to relate to, but that's one of the lesser of the problems with my weirdness, as there are plenty of fans of various prog metal bands, both obscure and mainstream, to vibe with. It goes hand-in-hand with my internalized racism in a way, as my taste in metal music always got other people, both black and white, to call me an "Oreo."

Don't even get me started on the neurodivergence, alongside how my mind perceives so many subjects differently than a lot of other people do. That makes me feel broken.

I hate talking about "weirdness" like this, especially on the internet, because there is a toxic tendency online to assume that anyone who talks about their own weirdness is trying to come off in a "look at me, I'm so quirky!" kind of way that Redditors love to shit on, but I am actually addressing this for the opposite reason.

Anything that has made me stand out from other people has made me hate myself a lot. I wish I could be a normie sometimes, but also... normies are the kind of people who think it's okay to vote for war criminals, so maybe not?

I should get to a point where I don't see any of my "weird" traits as bad because that goes hand-in-hand with my internalized bigotry. The more I accept "out of the norm" as meaning bad, the more I'll continue to question if I even deserve life simply because of my race, gender identity, sexual orientation, and neurodivergence.

I'd like to think that I'm not weird, but I think the fact that I continue going on social media and seeing things that literally millions of people relate to, but my identity and my interests make it seem like I'm completely unable to even slightly understand these things makes it hard to believe that I'm not weird.

What is "weird," anyway? That word has different connotations, honestly.

I'm kind of rambling a bit, but to sum things up, I genuinely don't know if I'm "good" or "bad" or "neutral" for being so weird. 

I cannot get over my fear the non-existence after death. Every time I think about it all my feelings start bubbling up and I get depressed. It's terrifying thinking about non-existence, it fills me with so much dread

Are there any positives to fireworks? Got a ton of them going off near my house. Some people say it’s for Diwali, some people say a town near us is celebrating some anniversary. Both seem equally unlikely, but in any case, it’s just loud as shit, fucks up the air quality, scares all the animals, every fucking dog in my neighborhood has started barking. Subjective I suppose but they’re really not worth all the negatives.

Edit: turns out that some dude around here, his dog had a seizure bc of fireworks tn. I think the dog is okay but yeah, fuck fireworks

It’s totally fine.

thats the post i love bicycles

and i don't feel like elaborating so i'll just say this:

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

have a good night

Long story short he needed to use my computer today for his IRA bullshit, something about it being moved from one account to another. ofc he's a stone age boomer so he has no account and it's the weekend so the customer service line is closed. So we tried to get into this arcane system of bullshit and make an account for him so he could access it and it didn't work. Long story short he lost his shit and unloaded on me over it. I had to keep apologizing like it was my fault then he stormed out.

And the kicker is I was going to ask him for a ride to the pharmacy tomorrow to get my meds and now I'm afraid to do so.

Fucking everything is my fault when it comes to him and he's perfect.

Replace n-word with anti-Chinese slur [rhymes with think] when context dependent

It's what they really want to say, if they could.

I know anecdotes aren’t great evidence for climate change, and there are warm years, but normally I’d start seeing them in like late September! Just saw the first couple flocks today.

I mean this in a serious way. Like, I'm so sick of the goddamn spectacle of these ghouls. They smile and lie to us with blood splattered on their faces, chanting their vacuous slogans, forming cults of personality. And every 4 years, we can't escape their names and poison words being drilled into our fucking heads from every angle. I'm tired, and sick of seeing their faces, I'm always sick of the stress of politics, but it just feels like additional screws being tightened for no discernable gain or benefit.

Sorry this is more a rant than anything else.

I spent my teens to thirties feeling so damn lonely, depressed, and horny. Now that I'm in forties, I just feel exhausted all the time. Ya it's work related. Usually I get to school around 6am, and I might finish around 6pm. My job is meaningful, but I feels like I'm sprinting everywhere. When there's no one around, I often loudly groan in frustration, it's really awkward when kids or other teachers see it.

I'd like to read more, see friends more, and do more activism, but often I need to just calm myself down so I can actually get some meaningful rest. Usually I need to consume pointless media in order to feel rested and often need to watch something to sleep. I'm tempted to start smoking weed in order to get myself to that point of relaxation sooner. I probably should exercise more: I stopped when everyone stopped masking in the gym. I have the ability to exercise at home, I just need to motivation.

Every time I get a holiday, the same thing happens: it takes a few days to recover from work, but after 4 or so days I start to feel normal. I can start to do the things I wish I was doing more. I enjoy books again and have more meaningful time with my partner.

It gets dark too soon

Even if everyone in your group is trying to put the effort in and not a flake, arranging meetings in our modern world is a pain in the fucking ass, especially if you all have day jobs.

But if on top of that you do have one or several people in the group who are flaky, or lazy, or just suck at doing research you're put in this shitty situation where you either have to nag their ass to work, or just do their work for them. Which then leads to you being tempted to act like a cop and NARC on them to the prof in order to protect your own grade.

The only time I've enjoyed group projects is when the prof set aside in class time to work on it, otherwise it's a shit show, I'll take writing a paper myself over this shit any day.

Has anyone here quit caffeine after consuming it regularly for years? What was your experience, and was it worth it?

I’m considering doing this because I feel it is affecting my mood, energy, anxiety, and overall stability.

Not needing validation or anything, just curious to chat about it if anyone else has been through decaffeination

I’m honestly still processing the whole thing, but made a post on an obscure subreddit nearly a year ago about my takeaways from a book that truly fascinated me. I guess someone thought that what I had to say was interesting and asked if I wanted to read a book together, and in the process, I fell for them and they fell for me.

The world seems so damn fake lately and that was the only “realness” I’ve felt in what seems like nearly a decade, and it also feels like a once in a lifetime event

Idk, anyone ever have a similar experience? I say that maybe experiences like this would be more likely if people interacted irl (like if we had 3rd spaces or something), but I also wonder if it’s just an interaction that’s always been unlikely online or offline

I love biking through sleet and getting my pant legs wet

... and now I'm job-hunting in earnest and jfcsstrrssfgchujbgfryhgftyhgerswww. I hope this is the right place to vent about this sort of thing, but I'm feeling so incredibly stressed and frustrated because I really want to change careers (TEFL teaching is a dead end, and the conditions have got so much worse in recent years) and I know I could do a junior frontend job perfectly well — I've put so much with into getting good at it in my own time — but it's beginning to dawn on me that there's basically no way in to the industry unless you know someone who can help you get a foot in the door.

I don't know where I'm going with this tbh — I just needed to vent somewhere — but it would be nice to hear any advice anyone can offer, or even just the lamentations of anyone with similar experiences...

I haven't been on this site for a while, and remember there being a lot of internal debate about leaving the US. I can't fucking take it anymore, I'm living every day full of disgust, anger, and hatred. I don't have to explain why to this audience.

I am not a doctor or scientist, I was a freelance writer until this last year and have been underemployed for months due to the cutbacks in tech and AI. I am neurodivergent. I was booted from my last two jobs for talking to union organizers (they had spies) and not pushing a pro-Israel narrative when training LLMs. I've joined orgs and protests and I'm tired. I have no faith in the western left besides just being "informed" which is literally killing me and has alienated me from all of my friends and family. I've met a few comrades through organizing but we just bitch and get each other worked up over the fact that we live in the 4th Reich.

I have some savings, no kids, no house or car payments. My partner is SE Asian, immigrated 2 years ago with a green card but is also feeling the same way about living in the US with the added cruelty of how bad immigrants and dark skinned people are treated here. Just the overall dehumanization to endure to survive.

Can I please move someplace and grow fruit trees and wait for the right moment to join the PeeEL*Ay.

It's so annoying!