Today I have selected a little thing I did a while back to share with everyone, Cats of Ulthar a horror story by H. P. Lovecraft. It might look a little weird because I adapted it from an accordion book format, but I think I did a decent job of adapting it.
And also, remember my last mega? Well, I did manage to finish the book, so I'm putting it here for you to download. I made a version for reading digitally, but the main purpose would be for printing, that's why I stuck with A4 size. I can try to make instructions on how to make the printed pages into a neat book in the future if anyone wants it.
Well, if anyone has any suggestions on other short stories, specially horror stories, I'd love to make them into illustrated books, I love doing this and it's super fun for me, so I'd like to keep going.
Download links
Cats of Ulthar
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I fucked up this morning. Things will be okay, but I fucked up regardless.
relationship conflict, transphobia, internalized transmisogyny, gatekeeping, passing, guilt, venting
When I was driving my gf to work, she noticed that her skirt was inside out, and wanted to fix it before she got to work. We were going a gas station for coffee/breakfast anyways. The issue came up about which bathroom to use. She wanted to use the women's, but I was scared/concerned for her and urged her not to. She ended up using the men's. There was no one else there thankfully, but when we got back to the car she was distraught. She insisted that she wasn't upset with me specifically, but she felt terrible about using the wrong restroom. She said that she knew the risks of using the women's restroom without 100% passing/being stealth, and that being trans in this country (US), was dangerous and that we lived dangerous lives. I apologized, I told her that I was scared for her but that I wouldn't dissuade her or undermine her decisions in the future.I think we'll be okay, but I feel terrible about it and I am worried about the future. My gf loves wearing skirts/femme clothing, but isn't interested in feminizing makeup or trying to pass in general. This isn't the first time we've had this type of conflict. We have a membership at the YMCA, and because it's a family gym/community center I advised her to not wear a skirt there either because I was worried about her being harassed or even assaulted by some parent who would claim they were "protecting their child." We use the private changing room at the Y, but I am just paranoid about even being attacked in the hallway.
Moreover, I feel like I am gatekeeping femininity and but I don't know how to let go due to my anxious paranoia. Personally, I only present as a woman or use a woman's restroom when I know I can comfortably pass (either a full face of makeup, or eye makeup and a KN95 mask to cover the lower half of my face). For me,feeling like I pass of course relieves dysphoria, but is also a major safety tool. My gf is nonbinary and a POC, and I understand that "passing" is wrapped up in eurocentric beauty standards and gender essentialism, and I can see why it isn't a priority for her.
So, this is kind of a vent because I don't have an ask for advice. I know what I need to do, which is to step back and support my gf's decisions, and to be there to help protect her from transphobes. It's just going to be hard.