HexaSnoot

It can be super small in a way most people don't understand or have lost touch with. Or anything bigger. The important thing is that it means something to you.

I deal with disabilities. For me being alive and managing basic tasks is something I try to feel pride in. Being here to enjoy watching people around me do things for fun can be a nice feeling. Last night in my dream I painted my nails and I felt pride in my dream. I woke up feeling proud that I have still have that creative instinct after last painting them once maybe 7 years ago. I feel proud of art I dream of. Just because I don't draw it doesn't mean it doesn't exist in my mind, temporarily in my thoughts. I was there before something brilliant my mind had created, and it meant a lot to me.

Watching Guillermo del Toro's 2025 movie Frankenstein made me realize we are all frankensteins who should be proud of our every ability, however limited it is huge that we are alive, and furthermore impressive that we have instincts to live beautifully in any way.

I went through things like growing up underweight for a while and sneaking food that was withheld from me. Those things still affect me. Looking back, one of the worst parts of this was that my caretakers were not poor. We went on vacations around the world each year along with wealthy families(one of them was a millionare family) usually staying in impressive hotels. Yet I was somehow always under the impression that we were desolately poor. I remember a teacher making an embarrassing call in front of the entire class to my childhood caretakers to tell them I needed new clothes. They sold this myth to me that they could not possibly buy me many basic needs, and I believed it more than the proof of these vacations that we were actually well off.

Someone in my current life repeatedly told me I can heat up canned food instead of eating it straight from the can. The idea of taking the step to heat my canned food still feels forgein. If canned food prices weren't through the roof now, I'd try to keep practicing what they told me.

I heard when you're rich enough, everyone wants you for your money. I read wealth can literally change your brain too. (Not posting the article because it was basically an ad for one of the most expensive mental hospitals in the world, and I didn't finish reading it.)

I'm mostly asking this for your judgements and reasoning of how rich our favorite treat-producing celebrities can be before you personally feel they're no longer good people... I'm not sure what I mean by the word "good." At some point they're the CEO of their own empire, right? When does the addiction to being a liberal defending right wing abuse eventually become part of the riches?

I've had a hard time learning about the Silk Road in China. I'm not great at geography. I'm not great at timelines. (For example, I don't remember years of historical events well.) But I am better at learning about individual important people, animals, and goods like sugar. Anything I'm highly interested in.

Aside from sugar, another example is classic 1950's women's wear in America. My love of the style it helps me remember it's association with the nuclear family. After seeing the movie Pleasantville(such an incredible film) with a ton of American 50's wear, I can remember the 50's were a time of segregation too.

Speaking of art helping me learn about history, through watching about this remodeled clock face with breathing holes, I learned how underground railroads that helped people escape slavery would sometimes have hiding places under floorboards. Holes were made in the floor of this church to help them breathe, and they were in patterns made to camouflage them as "decorations."

This is the sort of stuff I like learning with.

I'm curious about other's experiences with Polyphagia/Hyperphagia. What was/is your journey like for you?

I had this at one point due to a shitty medication, and I kept asking for a higher dose because I thought I was just eating due to stress and a higher dose would reduce it. It wasn't until my internalized fatphobia at the time took over, and I asked for a different medication that would make me gain less weight, that my hyperphagia went away.

This sort of hunger can be hell for some. Not just due to fatphobia, but it can be scary to never be satisfied with eating. Remember it can have many causes. For me it wasn't me on my own, it was a bad med match I needed to opt out of.

In the middle of posting this, someone just told me that many previously colonized countries have to outport their goods at an uneven exchange, and India has their culture as a product. Is there a lot of ~~white washing~~ disrespectful appropriation? Are there lots of cults too?

Some context: I'm not black and don't live in the black experience.

I found this video essay involving modern blackfacing and minstrel shows called The Evolution of the Culture Vulture interesting. Some white guy i know started saying the n word ending with an "a" as a joke when almost 30 years old. I only see him once every several years and idk if I should send him this video. We dont talk in between those years. He's mostly associated with my boyfriend, and they can go over a year without talking. If I end up doing that I would say "Even though I think its not okay you're specifically doing an exact thing in this video, I still appreciate your intent and your great quality of trying to create good vibes however you can. This does not mean at all that I'd disown you as a friend. Its just to say take a step back and examine what youre doing when you..." Idk i can't think of how to discuss this with him so here I am.

He's a busy guy, he may never watch the video. I have social anxiety too so I may never send anything. I just want to know how to carry out a convo about this and still want advice anyways. That shit really bothered me and I couldn't place why until seeing the video.

Btw, this is really helping to reduce my PTSD symptoms. For example I'm seeing rules abusive people in my past have tried to set for me to follow. (Never confront them or theyll victimize you far worse, never resist their orders, always stay quiet about what theyre doing to you, etc...) Instead of getting hung up on those rules and my opinions on them, just see the the purpose of the rules. (The purpose of the rules in this case is for them to tightly control and victimize someone that will never leave or expose them. That is the whole story and you don't need to storytell any further if you catch yourself flashing back.) If the purpose of their rules and your values don't line up, drop them immediately.

Plenty of rules out there dont line up with our values, and not just abuse-related things. I'm new to examining things this way, and trying to widen my scope. What purpose do you feel you have as you do/look at things?

If you want to state a fact about something without commenting about your journey that's fine too.

I still have hangups about my GI issues, but comedian Demi Lardner, from the podcast BigSoftTitty.png, talks so openly about terrible shits and shitting herself all the time it's been healing. (If you've ever had a hangup about shitting, she's wonderful for that, go listen to her. BTW that's far from the only thing they talk about on there, they're super goofy.)

I get a mix of deeply bad and highly good feelings from it.

Another problem is it also makes me manic and want to be a superhero, but I have lower than average normal-person powers without any spoons to spare. I need help understanding that nothing bad is happening to me if I read or watch theory, and that I can indeed respond to what I read by simply sitting in a more educated space of mind without physically doing anything. (Again, no spoons, can't volunteer or anything it's frustrating.)