What about Mike Prysner tho?

Yeah, it's shaped mine immensely as well, I've experienced all sorts of material and intangible benefits from it; there were many times I enjoyed and it helped me to grow, and a lot of problems that it's caused for me too. I can't completely separate myself from it either. But the question I always ask is why it takes me risking my life and participating in what resulted in a genocide to be able to get an education and some damn healthcare in what is supposed to be the "greatest nation on earth". I think that was the question that really radicalized me.

If it weren't for me getting introduced to dialectal materialist and Marxist analysis, I wouldn't have been able to live with what I participated in. I wonder if that's a big reason for so many turning to substances and suicide, something in their soul tells them it was wrong. I was able to recognize I'm not the main character (great man of history) and the whole thing didn't hinge on me. Also, that this larger system is going to do these things with or without me, and I was suckered into it because I didn't know better. Now I know better so I do better, and my testimony to the evils of the US government carries more weight than the typical burger amerikan - I am become burger deluxe.

At any rate, have you been able to process this with anyone?

I was raised by a shit-tier neonazi. I can't relate to being shaped by the military and being unable to separate oneself from being a veteran but, at least in some ways, I think my experience parallels yours.

In my (armchair expert) opinion, you don't separate yourself from growing up indoctrinated. That's going to be a part of you because we are all products of our history. And it's not about freeing yourself from it either. It's taking what your upbringing gave you and turning that into something positive.

You would have a unique insight into the armed forces and, I'm assuming, an ability to connect with servicepeople and veterans in a way that I will never have access to. When you have the capacity to do it (and not one minute before), you'd be able to peel people away from their military indoctrination and make their own deprogramming journey easier than you had it yourself because you are familiar with the terrain and its hazards. Of course you won't be able to do this instantaneously or with everyone you encounter but there's gotta be those malcontents who are/were in the forces that you'd quickly be able to identify and connect with.

Maybe it will only ever be one or two people. But that doesn't matter. That's still an entire life or two which you could be a role model for and a positive influence on, so that cannot be overstated.

I'm rambling here but I guess I wanted to make sure that you aren't chasing after a mirage. You can unpick all the ways that you have been indoctrinated over time and you can grow beyond that indoctrination, but ultimately I don't think that you ever truly separate yourself from it. You just come to terms with it in time and you find ways to be something of an alchemist, on occasion, by turning that bullshit into gold.

No revolution has ever succeeded without the support of major elements of the military.

"first responders" is pigs trying to launder their reputation

To be honest, i fucking hate getting lumped in with cops for weird discounts & "thank you for your service" shit. Goes to my co-workers heads and they're already chuddy enough. It would be a hilarious bit.