this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2026
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Chapotraphouse

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Comes with a holder too! All for just $39.99!

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[–] Arachnidbrilliant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I used to live down the street from a Starbucks. And in the men’s room they had a supply closet that they didn’t lock. So me and my roommate would take turns stealing a GIANT roll of toilet paper from there and slip it in a backpack.

It’s Starbucks. They’ve got enough money and they can lock that supply closet whenever they want.

[–] BoxedFenders@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah, but that industrial grade TP in public bathrooms is ROUGH.

[–] Arachnidbrilliant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I was a young anarchist at the time. Sure I was technically an anarchist. I depended on The machine buildings or whatever I don’t know what I’m talking about. I was suppping off of something to survive. Idk I was a poor fuck off. But still, I’ve got a for you

I mean, clearly I don’t know what I’m talking about. But I was living For free. . If that’s not punk rock, I don’t know what is

[–] mrfugu@hexbear.net 35 points 2 days ago (5 children)

GET A BIDET GET A BIDET GET A BIDET GET A BIDET GET A BIDET GET A BIDET

[–] varmint@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago

I got a bidet for less money than this holder

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Still needs wiping. I use even more TP now than I did before the bidet, but I feel so much more clean.

[–] varmint@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago

I got little cheap drying cloths that I put in with my laundry after one use. I haven't bought new TP in a year

[–] thefreakydangler@lemmy.zip 11 points 2 days ago

I just use a separate blow dryer for my ass

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

can't put a bidet in my outhouse

[–] tocopherol@hexbear.net 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Oh yeah?! Think again, no excuses image of a commerical portable bidet, like a box of water with a hose attached

[–] fox@hexbear.net 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Rolling up to the family bbq in the park with this bad boy holstered

[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a bidet is a good guy with a bidet

[–] AbbysMuscles@hexbear.net 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I eat sufficient quantities of daily fruit and veg that I don't need a pressure washer to clean my ass

[–] Kefla@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I don't care how much fiber you're eating, dry paper is not sufficiently cleaning you. If you got shit on your arm you would not wipe it off with a paper towel and carry on with your day.

[–] AbbysMuscles@hexbear.net 1 points 1 day ago

Skill issue tbh

[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Unless there's soap involved, you aren't clean. If you got shit on your arm you would not rinse it off either.

So let's not pretend anyone has a clean butthole after pooping.

[–] Kefla@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

"Rinsing with water isn't clean enough for me, that's why I choose the even less sanitary option"

Many logic

[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago

But is that sufficiently cleaned? That's what you said, right? In what world is a bidet sufficiently cleaning you? Sufficient for what, even? It's not sufficient for actually doing anything with your butthole, and toilet paper is sufficient for not smelling like shit, so there's something between those that I'm supposed to worry about being "sufficiently clean" for.

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] miz@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago

not with that attitude

[–] FALGSConaut@hexbear.net 30 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Constantly paying for TP is a suckers game, that's why I installed one of these next to my toilet

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

My partner bought washable wipes. We have washable "paper towels" that are cloth. We also have washable "kleenex" which are just little cloth pads that you can use for whatever else, like blowing your nose or whatever.

[–] Salah@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago

not exactly.. it came in a pack of 100.. they're much softer and smaller than a handkerchief but they can function as one i suppose

[–] Abracadaniel@hexbear.net 5 points 2 days ago

Loooong ago they had these on Washington State Ferries, weirdly enough.

[–] space_comrade@hexbear.net 5 points 2 days ago (3 children)

These things always grossed me out, ain't no way that machine properly disinfects the towel.

[–] AF_R@hexbear.net 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It’s a roll that unwinds, it doesn’t loop back around lol.

Still kind of gross and I wouldn’t want to use one but at least it’s not as bad now!

[–] space_comrade@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Huh I thought the thing dries it and (somehow) disinfects it. Doesn't the roll get spent pretty quickly otherwise? It's usually fairly thick.

[–] LanyrdSkynrd@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago

It contains the used towel in a cylinder that gets taken and washed by a cleaning service. Maintenance staff will have extras to swap in just like a paper towel roll

[–] Salah@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

The ones at my workplace get washed by a washing machine on a daily basis, I never even considered that the device cleans the cloth itself since that would indeed be impossible to do sufficiently in such a compact device.

[–] FALGSConaut@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

Yea whenever I saw one of those I just used my pants instead, especially since.i only ever saw them in the dirtiest truck stop bathrooms

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 22 points 2 days ago

I like how it's the same price as a good bidet. Toilet paper is paying a subscription fee for your own ass.

[–] segfault11@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

this is just the toilet paper rolls they sell to gas stations

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Wholly poop! I thought this was a joke, but nope:

https://shop.charmin.com/

[–] BoxedFenders@hexbear.net 13 points 2 days ago (2 children)

"By popular demand!" i-cant

Imagine all the requests they must have gotten demanding more poop paper on each roll.

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[–] EdlritchEconomics@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The American diet is not fibre-rich, to put it mildly.

[–] chgxvjh@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

Just eat the toilet paper

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

doggirl-hi but won't the toilet paper just rip off instead of turning that huge thing?

cap-think true...true...

porky-happy Be the first on your block to get Charmin's "Perpetual Wiping Machine"! We add a small engine to your dispenser to reduce pre-mature tearing and arm strain! Only an additional $89.99! ~plus~ ~$375.99~ ~S&H~ ~(Oh,and~ ~a~ ~small~ ~installation~ ~fee)~

[–] Flinch@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

geordi-no one time payment of $89.99

geordi-yes one year subscription to the Charmin+ app at $10.99 a month, or $14.99 for the ad-free experience

real shitters know think-about-it

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[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago

Enough for a full White House feast

[–] Horse@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

how would that fit on a toilet paper holder?
they're like ~15cm from the wall at full extension
or do yankees have different ones?


[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Comes with the holder, but real poopmaxxers knock a wall out.

[–] BoxedFenders@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

I just find it hilarious that this behemoth of a toilet paper roll requires a new free standing apparatus instead of using the convenient built-in solution that every bathroom already has. You've gotta be really dedicated to the art of wiping to go out of your way for this.

[–] Horse@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 2 days ago

ah, that makes more sense


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[–] Milksteaks@midwest.social 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Crapitalism breeds innovation

The innovation:

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

What no poop knife bonus for free?

[–] GoodBleanis@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I can't believe this is real

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 14 points 2 days ago

I can

I worked at a pharmacy for a while and let me tell you, these people do not eat fiber!

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

You have to just stick a pole out of your wall to hold it sideways.

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