Every news story if they attempt this:
The Dead SEAL Scrolls
this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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they don't have what it takes to publish something that amazing
Oh of course not, I figured I'd coin that one to share for when really funny things start happening.
"Theyre saying this many seals never died so tremendously 
a play for iran's uranium stockpile.
ken klippenstein's stuff is usually good, but genuinely in what sense would this remotely be possible, in a logistical sense? isn't "iran's uranium stockpile" effectively literal tons of material to move that is also currently buried under bombed nuclear development facilities? last time i checked there's no such thing as SEAL team Concrete so... does anyone know what i'm missing here?
The “going to get the uranium” strategy is something I’ve basically only seen floated on this website by MarmiteLover123 and he’s acknowledged this would require special equipment and days/weeks of work to complete, imo highly unlikely
What if seals are built different and can just sorta handle that shit?
he’s acknowledged this would require special equipment and days/weeks of work to complete
Crack smoking marathon sesh at Fort Bragg right now, they’re getting ready
I'm getting a bit off topic but you reminded me of how Seth Harp talked about one of these operators that killed his JSOC buddy, and other vets said about the murderer, paraphrasing, "yeah he was fine when we were getting high on cocaine, he could handle that, but with alcohol oh boy he was out of control."
New pizza tracker.
Imagine if trump does to the uranium what he did to Maduro. It would ptobably result in a lot of us military getting odd cancers
Maybe Trump thinks they can get radiated and turn into super soldiers?
he saw the latest marvel slop and thought it was a good idea
Uranium. Right? We have the best uranium. We have so much of it, you wouldn’t believe it. People say, 'Sir, what are you doing with all that uranium?' I say, we’re making supersoldiers. The best supersoldiers.
Now, the radical left - they’ll say, 'Oh, it’s dangerous, you can’t expose people to radiation.' Wrong. I’ve seen the movie. You know the one? With the guy? He gets the radiation and then, bam! He’s unbeatable. He’s got the strength, the speed. The skin. Very tough skin. They say my skin is very tough, by the way.
But the lying media, they hear 'uranium' and they panic. They say, 'Trump wants to give our troops cancer.' I'm not going to give them cancer. My uncle - a very smart man, very smart - he told me all about uranium. He told me about nuclear power. Beautiful big towers. I want to give them power. Tremendous power. We’re going to have soldiers who can lift a tank over their heads. I’ve seen the schematics. They’re beautiful schematics. I said to the generals, ‘Why aren’t we doing this?’ They said, 'Sir, the Geneva Convention…' I said, 'Forget the Convention. We’re making a new one. The Trump Convention.' It’s going to be much better, with much more winning.
I feel like klippy is wrong or dumb like 50%of the time, maybe I’m mixing him up woth someone else
You're probably thinking Edding Germentum (no idea how to spell that).
Edit: Klippy is wrong about the uranium imo though. But I do think he's right about the bluff.
You mean Ettingermentum, I'm guessin'.
It's all one word?!
in the sense everyone with brains is not touching this with a 10-foot pole, so they are running their plans by claude.
didn't trump say he was going to try something like this? obviously there are a lot of problems with that idea just on the face of it but yk. some people theorized it was their exit strategy. take a mysterious box from the coast, load it into a helicopter, declare victory in the middle east
he has, but this has been considered dubious for the reasons i outlined.
of course it's not gonna work. but trump might try anyway so he can declare victory and boost his numbers at home. or because his techbro contingent wants to abandon west asia completely. or maybe he won't and the us will be economically fucked for a while.
Based on reports as of March 2026, a significant portion of Iran's uranium stockpile—including around 440 kg of 60% enriched uranium—is believed to be stored within a tunnel complex at the Isfahan nuclear site
Oh cool they are going to fly and send troops to the MIDDLE OF IRAN, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? 
Have you never played a video game? If you capture enemy flag the color of the country changes and everyone supports you now. That's how this works.
Maybe there has to be a certain amount of human sacrifice for the messiah to return? I'm not a bible scholar but it seems to make the most sense..
I hate that this could actually be a part of the US planning for this.
Yazd and isfahan has a lot of cool architecture leave them alone 
This is like bluffing that you're going to shoot yourself in the head during a gunfight.
laughing out loud at this more than you know
cw suicide kind of
DERANGED COUNTRY KILLS ITSELF
Citizens in shock as a deranged nation state, reportedly from the loins of Mammon, shot itself in the head last night in the middle of a rugged mountain range in southern Iran. The exact details of the incident have not been revealed, but first-hand witnesses claim that the nation was making a point.
"Can't say I'm surprised," Mohammad Marandi, professor at University of Tehran, who saw witnessed the incident live, commented. "It was extremely unstable and had threatened to kill itself before."
spoiler
CITY IN MOURNING: BURNED-OUT COUNTRY SHOOTS CHILD
Yesterday in the city of Minab, a deranged "world law official" from the paramilitary outfit that calls itself the United States Air Force bombed and killed girls in a local school. Locals are in shock.
"It was out of control," said Mohammad Marandi, professor at University of Tehran. "I hope they put it away for good."
Cw: suicidal threat
It worked in Blazing Saddles, maybe they're onto something
This is plausible. There hasn't really been enough of a buildup of ground forces for an invasion of Iran, which would take months.
They'd have to somehow get on the ground, into the mountains, past the IRGC, then airlift the uranium out before exfil. Simple 5 step plan easy peasy.
Caught my eye, lmao they're going to die in the mountains and their bodies left behind.
Better than immediately getting spotted at shore, killing two fishermen and running away crying
That doesn't really preclude a nation as historically hubristic as the US, particularly under this admin, from attempting a quick invasion anyway
I also think it's a bluff. His current strategy seems to be to say literally everything, and do everything except escalate. I don't know how he ends up wrapping this up. My guess is pretend it never happened, but now Iran collects a tax an all shipments through the strait. Israel probably won't even put up much fuss.
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