this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] baggins@lemmy.ca 111 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] httperror418@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

This is democracy manifest!

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 40 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What is the charge?! ~~Eating~~ Boofing a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] ebolapie@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

No, see, uh, boofing just means getting really drunk. Please let me be on the Supreme Court. I didn't put alcohol up my ass.

[–] buycurious@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Get your hands off my ~~penis~~ anus!

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 6 days ago

Get your hands off my spring roll!

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Sir, sir! mastication before masterbation.

[–] Void@lemmings.world 45 points 1 week ago (4 children)

First they came for the spring rolls...

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago

Then I came for the spring rolls

[–] Una@europe.pub 16 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Actually, they first came for anal beads, chess scandal :3

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Una@europe.pub 6 points 1 week ago

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 8 points 1 week ago

And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"

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[–] First_Thunder@lemmy.zip 45 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 week ago

Yes that's how many I've gotten up there (lifetime, of course. I'm not a freak).

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 31 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 48 points 1 week ago (2 children)

the ring isn't flared at the base that's why

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[–] Typhoon@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 week ago

Because it offends everyone else at the Chinese buffet.

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[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

[–] Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 week ago

Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.

[–] don@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 week ago (4 children)

My spring rolls, my choice.

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[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

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[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 week ago

Lest I checked, this was a free country

[–] MudMan@fedia.io 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Other people in the restaurant?

Me asking the delivery person to "feed" them to me?

One too many springs in my bum causes me to bounce?

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[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 11 points 1 week ago

Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 10 points 1 week ago

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

[–] Bucky@okaythen.lol 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

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DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

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[–] Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] workerONE@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 7 points 1 week ago

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

Health and safety gone mad

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 week ago

I can do whatever I want >:(

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Where else am I supposed to store them?

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 2 points 6 days ago

Somebody else's buthole,

[–] Imhotep@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

I'm a bit upset people would do that with such good food.

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