this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] baggins@lemmy.ca 111 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (3 children)

What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 40 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

What is the charge?! ~~Eating~~ Boofing a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] buycurious@lemmy.world 17 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Get your hands off my ~~penis~~ anus!

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[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 5 points 4 weeks ago

Sir, sir! mastication before masterbation.

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[–] First_Thunder@lemmy.zip 45 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 6 points 4 weeks ago

Yes that's how many I've gotten up there (lifetime, of course. I'm not a freak).

[–] Void@lemmings.world 45 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

First they came for the spring rolls...

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 23 points 4 weeks ago

Then I came for the spring rolls

[–] Una@europe.pub 16 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Actually, they first came for anal beads, chess scandal :3

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Una@europe.pub 6 points 4 weeks ago

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 4 points 4 weeks ago

You’re saying I should make anal beads from spring rolls?

Way ahead of you.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 8 points 4 weeks ago

And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"

[–] lugal@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 4 weeks ago

And I stayed silent because I wasn't a spring roll

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 31 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 48 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 4 weeks ago

the ring isn't flared at the base that's why

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 4 points 4 weeks ago

Funniest meme of the day.

[–] Typhoon@lemmy.ca 9 points 4 weeks ago

Because it offends everyone else at the Chinese buffet.

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[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 18 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

[–] Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 4 weeks ago

Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.

[–] don@lemmy.ca 17 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

My spring rolls, my choice.

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[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 16 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

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[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 16 points 4 weeks ago

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 13 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 4 weeks ago
[–] MudMan@fedia.io 12 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 5 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Other people in the restaurant?

Me asking the delivery person to "feed" them to me?

One too many springs in my bum causes me to bounce?

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[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 12 points 4 weeks ago

Lest I checked, this was a free country

[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 11 points 4 weeks ago

Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business

[–] Bucky@okaythen.lol 10 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

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[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 10 points 4 weeks ago

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

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[–] Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca 8 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] workerONE@lemmy.world 5 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 7 points 4 weeks ago

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

[–] TriangleSpecialist@lemmy.world 6 points 4 weeks ago

Health and safety gone mad

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 4 weeks ago

I can do whatever I want >:(

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Where else am I supposed to store them?

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[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 4 points 4 weeks ago

Sellouts.

MAHA says veggies are important.

[–] Una@europe.pub 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?

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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 4 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.

The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."

So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.

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[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 4 points 4 weeks ago

AI or Stupid humans?

[–] Ypsilenna@lemmy.zip 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Awww, puts them back in the fridge

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[–] dumbass@leminal.space 4 points 4 weeks ago

Can't have any fucking fun anymore, what's next, I'm not allowed to shove croissants up my anus?

[–] Imhotep@lemmy.world 4 points 4 weeks ago

I'm a bit upset people would do that with such good food.

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