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[-] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 109 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Probably freakin RUSSIA amirite?smuglord

[-] Justice@lemmygrad.ml 63 points 1 week ago

Pretty hilarious to think that Putin, proud capitalist, friend of capitalists from his own country, would have a grievance with other capitalists especially a fucking health insurance CEO

It's like how libs have deluded themselves over Snowden. I wasn't even aware until somewhat recently, but some non zero amount of the insane pro-spying apparatus cranks have begun pretending Snowden running to Russia for asylum was anything other than a necessity for him to remain not in prison. Instead of analyzing for five seconds why the NSA feels the need to demand backdoors into everything and all the other insanity that Snowden confirmed, they're just screaming about "Weird he went to Russia!" Clearly he went to Russia because it's one of only a few nations that will harbor fugitives from the US state and has enough of a functioning state to actually protect the person to some degree. Not for altruistic reasons, but mostly just to stab their thumb in the eye of the west (a noble enough reason).

Anyway, bit of a tangent, but these "omg Russia/Putin!" libs are fucking insufferable. 99% of the shit they project onto Russia they'd be better served considering how the US is doing worse and to a larger magnitude. The country they live in and can, on paper, actually effect change in is where they should be focusing this anger and derangement. Be deranged at the democrats and republicans! Or CEOs!

[-] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 30 points 1 week ago

Funny how the people we keep fucking with keep going to the few places that are safe from us, really makes u think

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[-] Pastaguini@hexbear.net 97 points 1 week ago

I like how they just decided to throw Russia in there despite absolutely no connection

[-] alcoholicorn@lemmy.ml 76 points 1 week ago

Why would Russia want to rid their enemy of parasites? Is China plotting to build mass transit? Are we going to uncover a Cuban plot to fix our democracy?

[-] roux@hexbear.net 58 points 1 week ago

Is China plotting to build mass transit? Are we going to uncover a Cuban plot to fix our democracy?

timmy-pray

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[-] axont@hexbear.net 95 points 1 week ago

AI has determined the culprit is a statue of Jesus with abs and 14 fingers riding a school bus made of American flags

[-] Comrade_Mushroom@hexbear.net 56 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

AI has also identified a previously unknown accomplice who appears to be a crying baby fused to the front of the school bus.

[-] ProgAimerGirl@hexbear.net 30 points 1 week ago

reports are trickling in that the crying baby was holding a fistful of crumpled boarding passes printed in Cyrillic

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[-] D61@hexbear.net 83 points 1 week ago

rat-salute-2 To the USA'ian who'se about to sue the NYPD for millions for being falsely accused of being a CEO assassin.

[-] Cysioland@lemmygrad.ml 35 points 1 week ago

They'll just claim qualified immunity

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[-] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 80 points 1 week ago

it's been 48 hours and not only have they not ID'd the guy, they've begun using tools that will actively make the search harder. he's probably already on a beach in vietnam, he's safe. fucking incredible

Death to America

[-] CthulhusIntern@hexbear.net 43 points 1 week ago

He starts vlogging and bragging about doing it from Vietnam.

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[-] jackmarxist@hexbear.net 76 points 1 week ago

Liberal modus operandi is literally "When in doubt blame Russia"

[-] SacredExcrement@hexbear.net 35 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

They check under the bed for Russia, and when no one is there they insist the dust particles are displaced in such a way that it clearly shows a Russian agent was once there

[-] glimmer_twin@hexbear.net 76 points 1 week ago

Lmaooo “Russia did it” I fucken love these people

[-] Chapo_is_Red@hexbear.net 48 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Are they trying to get people to like Russia? Lmao

Edit: USSR should've been sending shooters against shitty bosses or execs

[-] Gosplan14_the_Third@hexbear.net 32 points 1 week ago

That was a large part of activities of so-called urban guerrillas. Not sure how popular that was.

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[-] Comrade_Mushroom@hexbear.net 74 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Gotta slip in some quick russophobia there at the end for good measure lol

Is it really this easy to eliminate these blood sucking monsters?

[-] CrawlMarks@hexbear.net 39 points 1 week ago

I both hate and love that liberals don't think one of the largest countries on earth exists. Maybe he went to Communist Russia. A place that exists and is not made up my mashing together half rembered facts from old TV news.

Props to them for thinking beaing mean to a rich person is a strike against America itself and can only be down by a component government. Then assuming Russia is compotent enough to plan and execute this perfectly.

[-] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 68 points 1 week ago

I know it wouldn't be smart or anything but i would be so happy to learn that he never even left town and just changed his clothes and went about his day

[-] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 60 points 1 week ago

it's probably up for debate, but I legit think that is the move. NYC is stupid dense, way too much shit going on day to day. traveling is paper trails unless you're on a bus, and even then there's digital trails and timetables etc. it creates a grid with logic to work through for investigators.

instead, I would think disappearing into a CCTV-devoid place with a thousand exits with tons of traffic in and out, changing clothes, dumping equipment, and exiting back into your routine ass life... that seems like an investigative nightmare. dumpsters full of garbage getting hauled away. after that, you're just some guy with a head shaped like 10 million other guys.

[-] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 51 points 1 week ago

I've never committed a crime with nearly this serious a punishment but just acting like you normally do is such a good strategy for not getting caught. Plus changing clothes and hair etc of course

[-] xapr@lemmy.sdf.org 30 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

This makes a lot of sense. After watching many (USian, of course) police car chases on TV over the years, including those "wildest police chases" specials (I know, I know), I only once saw someone get away - they pulled up to the entrance of a crowded indoor shopping mall and ran in. I also heard about another similar escape where they pulled into a giant parking structure, probably also crowded. Much better chance of disappearing in a crowd than isolated.

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[-] unmagical@lemmy.ml 64 points 1 week ago

Someone's gonna go down for this and it ain't gonna be the guy that did it.

[-] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 63 points 1 week ago

Me and my partner were just talking about this

The desire to appease the wealthy will lead to a poor investigation and probably ruin some poor guy's life

Doesn't help that every time they show pictures or video, everything looks color corrected to hell and back, nothing looks the same twice

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[-] KoboldKomrade@hexbear.net 61 points 1 week ago

Whoever came up with the whole "blame literally anyone, but especially the Soviets/Russians" bit needs a prize. Its gotten literally over a century of use. Once you notice it, you see it fuckin' everywhere. It goes beyond any historical level of "foreigners bad" because it really is just used for literally anything. Advanced xenophobia I guess.

Maybe if libs broke out of it they could actually see results, but nope, RUSSIA, CHINA, CUBA! for any little thing, nope can't be anything else, can't be domestic, can't be our allies, can't even be random.

[-] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 58 points 1 week ago

AI generated picture of the suspect

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[-] Utter_Karate@hexbear.net 58 points 1 week ago

Ok, they will not catch him and I know none of us are surprised, but is no one going to ask the NYPD why they already have an AI trained in phrenology? Guess at least they'll have fun looking for a man with the sinister slanted nose bridge of a cowardly Saxon wheelwright or whatever their AI comes up with after training itself by reading every work ever written about studying the bone structure of the human head.

[-] FourteenEyes@hexbear.net 38 points 1 week ago

They bought it from some startup called iPhrenology or some shit, backed by venture capitalist crypto Bros

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[-] Yukiko@hexbear.net 57 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Very clearly an attempt to turn libs against them and what they did. The pigs have nothing and are scared.

[-] blindbunny@lemmy.ml 35 points 1 week ago

Good read. The fact that they bring up AI means they don't have shit.

[-] tactical_trans_karen@hexbear.net 52 points 1 week ago

HOLY SHIT HE FUCKING GOT AWAY WITH IT!!!

[-] HomoSexualTransStalinist@hexbear.net 51 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

The ai made portrait of the culprit:

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[-] laziestflagellant@hexbear.net 51 points 1 week ago

Huh, it keeps flagging a bunch of chiseled fashion models and Instagram influencers as the assassin

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[-] Tom742@hexbear.net 50 points 1 week ago

“Moscow”

No creativity, their brains are mush

[-] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 30 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Fr I would start throwing in other cities just to keep the libs interested. Everyone's sick of talking about Moscow, Moscow wants this, an insidious Moscow plot that. You gotta give the people a new place to feel clever about skimming on wikipedia, like Prague or Ho Chi Minh City.

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[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 49 points 1 week ago

The police are gonna end up arresting some random guy who was born with weird hands aren't they?

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[-] Mokey2@hexbear.net 47 points 1 week ago

Brother AI has identified three possible suspects:

Jake Gyllenhall, The Joker and the protagonist from the Stalker.

[-] AmericaDelendaEst@hexbear.net 44 points 1 week ago

How tf could he be on a flight to Moscow, aren't all direct flights to Russia still canceled because of nato's imperialist war

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[-] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 42 points 1 week ago

Moscow?? Lmao

[-] UmbraVivi@hexbear.net 37 points 1 week ago

Lmao generative AI is gonna make up some random generic-looking dude. That's literally all it does, what it's programmed to do. Actual insanity that they're using this for the investigation.

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[-] LeZero@hexbear.net 37 points 1 week ago

What if the pig AI has the same accuracy as the UHC AI?

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[-] Parsani@hexbear.net 36 points 1 week ago

putin-wink

Good work, Agent Chalamet.

[-] Llituro@hexbear.net 34 points 1 week ago

yea they're gonna just pin this on a rando that looks similar huh

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[-] MouthyHooker@hexbear.net 33 points 1 week ago

I like to picture him on the beach in Havana sipping a Cuba Libre

Vaya Con Dios, mi amor.

[-] Justice@lemmygrad.ml 32 points 1 week ago

"When the substitute rolls in the little TV on the cart and you know you just got away with not studying for that exam" energy

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this post was submitted on 06 Dec 2024
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chapotraphouse

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