this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2024
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Chapotraphouse

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[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 175 points 2 years ago (5 children)
  • Swimmer
  • Wrestler
  • Bodybuilder
  • Boy scout
  • Roman Catholic Parochial system

This is the gayest biography if there ever was one.

[–] dumpster_dove@hexbear.net 129 points 2 years ago (2 children)

NOT Gay

never acted on a single one of those urges

[–] ksynwa@lemmygrad.ml 72 points 2 years ago

I'm thinking it's a bit because of that part.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 48 points 2 years ago

lmao I didn't got to that part

[–] Posadas@hexbear.net 53 points 2 years ago

Yes I grinded against another guy to pin them down and establish dominance. No, it totally isn't gay.

[–] Spike@hexbear.net 39 points 2 years ago

"im not gay! im not gay!!", i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob

[–] HelluvaBottomCarter@hexbear.net 23 points 2 years ago

You say that but have you considered he went to a all-boys boarding school?

[–] WhatDoYouMeanPodcast@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago

I did all of those to some degree except catholic school. I'm straight. You know what I would say if I was in that guy's situation? "lmao"

You know how much freedom I feel when the LGBT+ are free? Folks, it's bigly a-little-trolling ! I have a bone to pick with everyone who goes "fellas, is it gay to drink pink lemonade?" I want a world where you love who you love and do what you do. Cause I want to be in that arcade with the crane games where the people are wearing the LGBT pins waaaaaaay more than I want to pay $8 for a hotdog at a baseball game.

[–] citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net 76 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I’ve had my fair share of male on male dreams and that’s how I know I’m absolutely positively not a homosexual. I’ve never acted on a single one of those urges.

hang on, you’re constantly dreaming of gay sex and repressing ongoing gay urges and that is supposed to prove you’re not gay?

[–] citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net 53 points 2 years ago (1 children)

eww, it’s a fuckin’ creep doing a bit for attention

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[–] Yor@hexbear.net 59 points 2 years ago (1 children)

spending your life in catholic school isn't the "I'm not gay!!!" defense he thinks it is lol

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[–] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 57 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

However, I am a libertarian and I'm totally fine with people practicing love however they want on their own property.

You're not allowed to be gay if you're a renter

Edit: also the I am a libertarian bit makes it seem like he's cool with libertarian-alert on their own property

[–] Jobasha@hexbear.net 46 points 2 years ago

coming soon to /r/landlords: As a Catholic landowner, how can I legally check that my tenants are not engaging in homosexual activities on my property?

[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 49 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

This is a bit. The guy in the profile picture is a neo nazi hacker named “weev” who’s affiliated with Sam Hyde and various Nazi forums and media outlets. He fled to Lebanon or some other Arab country after being arrested for hacking. It’s likely not weev himself, just another fan.

[–] BabyTurtles@hexbear.net 36 points 2 years ago

Thank you Ryan Gosling. I loved you in Barbie.

[–] emizeko@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago

it was too good to be true! too perfectly on the nose

[–] hexaflexagonbear@hexbear.net 49 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] CloutAtlas@hexbear.net 31 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Catholic guilt runs deep. I know a guy that came out this year at 31, which is fine, but I saw him kissing a guy when he was 18-19. He was engaged to a woman until 2022, too. He wasn't even under the influence, he just played it off as experimentation at uni which reaffirmed his straightness.

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[–] Jobasha@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago

This absolutely has to be a bit, I refuse to believe such a caricature of a person actually exists

[–] underwire212@lemm.ee 41 points 2 years ago (1 children)

No way this isn’t a bit lol

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[–] edge@hexbear.net 38 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Does anyone know the actor’s name? He has a fantastic ass.

[–] Owl@hexbear.net 42 points 2 years ago (1 children)

This might break your world view a little bit, but that's not a man, this is a clip from a straight porn video.

[–] robinnn@hexbear.net 37 points 2 years ago (1 children)

seriously…? I’m going to fucking throw up…

[–] CthulhusIntern@hexbear.net 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Release your statement on how you're totally not straight.

[–] robinnn@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago

I am addressing this once.

I am NOT straight.

I kissed men my entire life. I was a swimmer, wrestler, and pro bodybuilder. I was a Boy Scout for 10 years. I spent all my schooling within the Roman Catholic parochial system.

That being said, I’ve had my fair share of male on female dreams and that’s how I know I’m absolutely positively not a heterosexual. I’ve never acted on a single one of those urges.

However, I would not speak to my actions while on the property of others, as that is under their discretion according to John Locke‘s 2 commandments (the other being to love slavery).

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 35 points 2 years ago

in college, after class, i used to practice wrestling moves with my neighbor in his bedroom dojo. just 2-3 hours a day, then a quick shower together where sometimes we had gay sex, before going home to study and read the bible with my dad.

trust me, i would know if i was gay.

[–] autismdragon@hexbear.net 33 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Being bi or otherwise m-spec is so much easier because this never happens. A nice ass is a nice ass! Hell yeah.

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 25 points 2 years ago

"That's not a woman"

"Oh nice" hexbear-bi-2

[–] PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS@hexbear.net 31 points 2 years ago

Couldn't be me biderman

[–] polskilumalo@lemmygrad.ml 29 points 2 years ago (3 children)

how do i achieve this ass shape for myself?

[–] SoyViking@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Have your friend grab it with their hands

[–] polskilumalo@lemmygrad.ml 14 points 2 years ago

friend

:deeper-sadness:

[–] Xx_Aru_xX@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago

touch grass get ass

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[–] Abracadaniel@hexbear.net 26 points 2 years ago (1 children)
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[–] Hestia@hexbear.net 26 points 2 years ago

Hey guys, I may dream of getting railed by another man but I'm totally not gay.

Bro has had gay wet dreams and insists he's straight cause he's never acted on it. Someone please tell him what repression is.

[–] ExotiqueMatter@lemmygrad.ml 19 points 2 years ago

I'm so not gay that I repress my gay urges

[–] D61@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

"I'm not gay! But there's not anything wrong with it."

~Jerry Seinfield

[–] Monk3brain3@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The rational response would be to watch gay porn and see if you're gay

[–] hexaflexagonbear@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago

Shaking my dick in disapproval so everyone around me knows I'm not gay

[–] FALGSConaut@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago

Almost literally what I did when figuring I am bi lmao hexbear-bi-2

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago

obvious bit

[–] AntiOutsideAktion@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago

Holding hands in the loan office filling out paperwork for a mortgage. "Oh boy in 20 years we get to kiiisssssss" crush

[–] magi@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago

Read through waiting for the "Don't worry bro it's only gay if the balls touch”

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