Now I understand why the guys in Slipknot are so angry
this post was submitted on 03 May 2024
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chapotraphouse
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This is legitimately revolting. The ICC should charge Iowa for crimes against humanity for this
Someone notify the Hague food court.
Gonna report this post to the mods so i can force them to look at it
This is violence
It wasn't until I learned how to cook for myself that I realized how truly bland the """food""" is here.
Folks? They don't rinse their canned beans! They use ketchup as a barbecue sauce! Black pepper is too spicy!
I always thought "white people eat bland food" was a stupid stereotype, or perhaps something from Mexico, Korea, Thailand, or some other place that eats hot food, and that by bland they just meant "not hot". In my experience white people in Hawai'i didn't really eat more or less bland food than everyone else.
Then I went to the Midwest
Where I'm from is whiter than old dog shit but the "local" cuisines at least have flavor and spice.
It was wild the first time I got a slice in the Midwest and they somehow managed to have three distinct layers of bread, sauce, and toppings which somehow were completely distinct and did not interact with each other at all.
It should be considered a skill to be able to cook the flavor out of stuff the way they do.
Hmm, how should we cook broccoli? Should we grill it? Fry it? Bake it?
No!
Boil that shit until it turns green-grey and serve it with several tbsp of butter!
What if we find a way to cook it that not only makes it taste like stale water it also removes half the nutrients from it?
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the midwest
aka the whitest place on earth: "mid" and "west"
The Midwest blended the blandest foods from Germany, England, and France.
Texmex has slowly infiltrated but the Midwestern pallet can't handle it.
Do they drain their beans?
No, they don't want to "waste" the "juice"
I thought I hated beans for years because of this shit.
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Good lord that recipe needs the 
treatment
White people were a mistake
1/4 tsp tabasco 
i mean, cream cheese and mashed avocado is probably decent tasting, but it isn't guacamole 
The chef also stated cottage cheese can be substituted for the cream cheese and ketchup for the Tabasco if the crowd looked especially not spice tolerant.
See, this right here is why white genocide is justified
Oh FUCK, I tasted something! 
One of the most confusing parts. Cream cheese is pungent to these people.
The funniest taco I've ever seen came from a white owned Mexican restaurant. Taco Bell shell, ground beef, and shredded cheese. That's it. Calling that a taco is offensive.
Oh we had these at school too.
Came with a little bit of shredded lettuce and the dryest fresh chopped tomatoes possible.
The faces my Latina fiancé made reading this to her lmao
holy shit they actually put avocado in it. Isn't that too offensive for the tongue of the white midwesterner?
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While I live on Liberal Mountain, I can testify that Iowa seems to have no culinary tradition. It's south of Midwestern German/Scandanvian/Polish food, and north/east of the Southern/Tex-mex food.
As someone who lived in Kansas ditto
They had a weird thing about Cinnamon Rolls and Chili. Together.
What
Yup, every two weeks for school lunch. Also the chili is basically just thick tomato soup with bits of stuff in it.
The whole Cincinatti tradition of putting chili on top of spaghetti seems weird until you realize that by "chili" they mean ragu, ground beef and maybe a little salt.
They're just so completely useless at cooking they think a basic meat sauce is "chili".
It has salt, to the Midwestern pallet that means its spicy. 😞
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I can only begin to imagine the suffering the Mexican chef goes through every day, having to make that slop.
They solved that problem by refusing to hire any minorities to work in theiir mexican restaurant.
What the fuuuuuuuck
We had this in Texas at some of the more inauthentic Tex-Mex establishments like Gringo's or Casa Olé. It's usually called "green sauce" or something vague like that. No one tried to pass it off as guacamole.
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I just realized that this is the most logical recipe that could be created by someone who doesnt know what a ripe avocado is
CHEESE IN GUAC? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU'RE NOT MAKING GUACAMOLE YOU'RE MAKING SOMETHING ELSE CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE WHAT THE FUCK?
Is this how italians feel? Is this why they freak out if you dangle basil near a carbonara?
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Cream cheese is too spicy for white people.
and they say america has no culture
Fucking insane. That's not an artichoke, that's guac. It's already cream!
Committing cultural genocide on Iowa would vastly improve the lives of everyone there
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Idk Ive had avocado and cream cheese at the same time on a bagel before and the combo works.
It's not guacamole, granted, but I bet if you're drunk this sorta whips. Id use a better hot sauce than Tabasco tho maybe sub out the Worcestershire for some pepper
That's clam dip with avocado instead of clams. Sounds horrible
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