the ying and yang of BountifulEggnog's life:
Bitching and complaining about how miserable it is
Day dreaming about it being better/what could have been
this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2026
27 points (100.0% liked)
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Ya girl is getting the hell out of [red state] and moving to [city in blue state] this week! Will edit mega with more later perhaps.
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spoiler
Bitching and complaining about how miserable it is
CW SH
Day dreaming about it being better/what could have been
CW sex
dysphoria
Almost 1 year on hrt. I do like hrt's effects but it is not enough. I have not malefailed still.
suicide
I don't want to do this anymore. I am fully sick. I want to at least make it the two more months to 1 year hrt. But I don't want to keep going after that. I don't know if I'll be keeping that date.
I am just so sick of this. so fucking tired of feeling miserable. I am so sick of dysphoria, and how I look, and transition, and humanity, and fucking everything. FUCKING KILL ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW
I don't even know what the fuck else to say or complain about. Maybe I will add more later.
Trans woman who crossdresses to explore her masculine side from time to time
mention of SH/SI
My gf is going through a rough patch and has said she's thinking about SH and and that she "really doesn't want to be alive." She says this is a long-standing problem and that she doesn't know what to do except keep trying. I'm attempting to get her into therapy but that requires some effort on her part (though I've said I would do as much of the admin as I can). We still need to sit down and figure out who will take her insurance and get the whole process going. The relationship is still fresh and I still have a lot to learn about her, though she has told me a bit about her various unresolved traumas. It seems like she's not been putting much effort into getting better (understandably difficult to do when you're depressed). I was helped by a few good friends when I was in a similar place and want so much to help her, if I can. I know I can't just will her to get better even if she gets into therapy but I gotta do something, you know? I'm hoping that she at least comes to internalize that she is loved and cared for, that she isn't alone, and I hope that gives her a little energy to move forward. When she's not being dragged down by depression, she is the sweetest, most wonderful person in the world. She is so deserving of love and happiness and my heart hurts so much for her 
My heart also hurts for all the trans people in the world driven to these thoughts by the death cult that wants to kill us, the parents that we know are not safe to come out to, the "health" "care" "system" that wastes our time and saps our energy. I want all my trans siblings to know self-love and the love of others. I don't want to lose anyone else 
SuperZutsuki I expect you to balance out my self harm with sex posting what is this
spoiler
I fell for a girl that really needs help and hasn't been seeking or receiving it. She has a large community but seems to keep this part of her to herself mostly, so I don't know if anyone else really knows the pain she's going through. I want to support her in any way I can, just feel like shit, want to see her happy.
It can be rly hard to be around ppl who don't think of themselves like animals (humans are animals but y'know, the normative viewpoint where human ppl see themselves as above other animals somehow) like most of my furry friends, just feels like a fundamental disconnect
cw: alcohol
I'm rly drunk >w< sry
I would give up a lot of things to be a dog
Taking odds on me deleting this later :3
I've been really fucking with the idea of being a She-Bear.
Personality wise as I'm kind of ferocious but maternal.
But I've still got some body hair, huge hips and small tits, which feels bear-coded too.
I really wouldnt wanna be a dog. A whale though ? Like an eldritch being floating through the void.
What stage of cringe is this?
Im afraid its terminal
On some level I'm okay with this
It was nice knowing u :3
Stage 1 at most tbh
Have you seen me?
In my quest to get all the achievements in Terraria, there's one where you have to find a friendly boulder. You see, in my world, there are 4 random rocks that are actually pets. So I was digging out my world with a drill containment unit trying to find one. And I did! I was very excited because this one is obviously a pain in the neck to find. Threw it in my duplicator, whatever. But guess who never got the actual achievement π just never triggered for some reason. Tried throwing it out, getting more, picking it up, etc. FUCK MY LIFE
This obviously has to happen when I'm already feeling shitty too ofc.
In that stage where so much is spinning in my head that I need to yap about random things over the course of my life.
Hell yeah
I should genuinely cut off all my hair I hate taking care of this shit so much
ik its a stereotype but old photos i'm in really are a slideshow of depression and cope
ik its a stereotype but ~~old~~ photos i'm in really are a slideshow of depression and cope
what the fuck do you mean I need 18 different documents to change up only my first name?? absolute despair the hoops you gotta jump through for daring to be trans
oh god i stilll have to do this
bureaucracy is transphobic
transphobia, dysphoria, Blanchard typology
comrades I'm so terrified of being seen as AGP because I'm mainly attracted to women and
In a discord server this bully called someone else AGP because she had a deep voice and the bully posted this awful shitty-looking mspaint illustrated screed claiming inspiration from Contrapoints about Blanchard's typology and of course it was ridiculous, all about how trans women attracted to men all are short and thin and girlish and demure and proper and played with dolls as kids, and trans lesbians are tall and old and mannish and ugly and loud and awful and had 'male hobbies'
But I was totally in the dark about being trans when I was younger because I am ADHD as FUCK and never had any measure of executive control and direction over my life. Of course I didn't realize I my gender might be wrong when the only trans rep in media was fucking Buffalo Bill and Ace Ventura and I was struggling to even wash my body and initiate any social contact. I was allowed by my parents to dissociate onto the internet as long as I kept getting good grades, and I got moved into a school program full of nerds who weren't so stereotypically masculine so I was just allowed to drift off and be nobody instead of trying to be a man. It was a nice cope being no one with no body on the internet, but it all caught up with me eventually.
So I don't have the narrative of "oh I always knew I was a girl", I didn't because I'm neurodivergent and had a weird childhood. And I'm starting late so I'm tall with a gut and don't have the first idea about how to make my voice sound feminine and god fuck. Those awful caricatures felt like they were attacking me directly and I can't shake them out of my mind. I know AGP isn't a real thing and I know I'm a woman and I've started adopting some lesbian language because it feels affirming, but I can't shake those awful images and needed to vent about it
spoiler
I mean you probably know this but Blanchard's typology has been extensively disproven. Cis women want to be perceived as attractive women during sex as well. It's normal to be wanted to be perceived as your correct gender and attractive.
Blanchard allegedly also was a notorious chaser who allegedly had sex with his study subjects (it's important to remember that Sexologist is a non clinical area of science without real ethical oversight like doctors or psychologists and also Blanchard is still alive, so this all just things that have been simply alleged). Blanchard also identifies as gay man. If this is true, then suddenly his typology seems like "trans women who will have sex with me are good homosexuals and trans women who won't are perverted straights"
I'm a trans woman and lesbian. I did used to find a lot of these caricatures quite upsetting too. I'm a tall girl with some body hair. But I care much less now because I have a girlfriend who is trans and 2 other lovers (plus like 2-3 more prospective ones on the horizon), all of them are trans women. They are all beautiful and amazing women like I am.
spoiler
I'm sorry for those experiences, don't take those things to heart, those people are awful.
Being a tall woman is normal, women have bellies, women have body hair, saying shit like "trans women attracted to men all are short and thin and girlish and demure and proper and played with dolls as kids, and trans lesbians are tall and old and mannish and ugly and loud and awful" is just outright wrong and they're being a douchebag, anyone that says that garbage deserves to be [redacted]
thanks friend 
spoiler
because she had a deep voice
trans lesbians are tall and old and mannish and ugly and loud and awful and had 'male hobbies'
real I am AGP
Are rust and used thinkpads and booty shorts manly hobbies? Asking for a friend.
what about coding in rust on a used thinkpad while in booty shorts
Also need to know this. For my friend.
I love mods
ty for stepping in with a mega and good luck with the move :)
There were, like, a couple hours this weekend where I couldnβt hear the transphobic brain worms about my body and uh, it was pretty cool?
What are some things I can do to be more approachable at queer events or bars? When Iβm in public I usually put out a passive βleave me alone donβt talk to meβ vibe, and when Iβve gone to events by myself before, itβs been hard to turn that off when I get there. Any body language or mannerisms to pay attention to as Iβm trying to get out of that headspace?
Lock eyes with every cutie and blow kisses at them
Good experiences in uni
I had my first class at uni today and had a pretty good experience. The program coordinator went to welcome the newcomers and since we're in the middle of the year there were like 6 people, all women. She talked with all of us and I just opened up about being trans (I feel like I'm still very obviously trans, so I never thought about people not noticing), and she reassured me about feeling safe and welcome in the spaces of the university and the classes, and that if anything bad happens I can reach out, it was very wholesome and I'm happy
I admit it. I'm a girl. π«£
Wow, so brave.
Well gays. It is unfortunate that I can't be a functioning adult though. Blame these fuck ass mental conditions.
I can't even begin to search for a job. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can do this. "oh everyone-" no. Not like this.
I need a job but can't. Fuck me and my life. I can't cope, I can't function, I never could.
That sounds like the inverse of my situation. I'm able to hold down a steady job but am too dysfunctional to get my shit together enough to move out of my parents' house. Congrats on the move, by the way!
You can do this, you will do this, I believe in you
I clearly can't. I've been wanting to. I've made some attempts. I can't. I clearly am not as capable as you think. Why else would be be backed up to the move date still not being able to drive. That was my goal.
I can't function, and am miserable. What other options do I have. This is unbearable.
I'm sorry you feel that way, I hope you can find a way to be independent. I feel really stuck with my parents too so I know how it is, but some things need time, some more than others, don't lose hope and don't give up. And don't blame yourself, you aren't the problem, the problem is this hellish society we live in
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How the hell are olives so good? I could seriously just eat them forever.
HELL YEAH.That's great to hear! 
I moved this weekend but it was only to another unit in the same place which is really annoying and I need to find a better and more permanent place.
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