thanks friend 
Sword_of_Eos
joined 6 days ago
transphobia, dysphoria, Blanchard typology
comrades I'm so terrified of being seen as AGP because I'm mainly attracted to women and
In a discord server this bully called someone else AGP because she had a deep voice and the bully posted this awful shitty-looking mspaint illustrated screed claiming inspiration from Contrapoints about Blanchard's typology and of course it was ridiculous, all about how trans women attracted to men all are short and thin and girlish and demure and proper and played with dolls as kids, and trans lesbians are tall and old and mannish and ugly and loud and awful and had 'male hobbies'
But I was totally in the dark about being trans when I was younger because I am ADHD as FUCK and never had any measure of executive control and direction over my life. Of course I didn't realize I my gender might be wrong when the only trans rep in media was fucking Buffalo Bill and Ace Ventura and I was struggling to even wash my body and initiate any social contact. I was allowed by my parents to dissociate onto the internet as long as I kept getting good grades, and I got moved into a school program full of nerds who weren't so stereotypically masculine so I was just allowed to drift off and be nobody instead of trying to be a man. It was a nice cope being no one with no body on the internet, but it all caught up with me eventually.
So I don't have the narrative of "oh I always knew I was a girl", I didn't because I'm neurodivergent and had a weird childhood. And I'm starting late so I'm tall with a gut and don't have the first idea about how to make my voice sound feminine and god fuck. Those awful caricatures felt like they were attacking me directly and I can't shake them out of my mind. I know AGP isn't a real thing and I know I'm a woman and I've started adopting some lesbian language because it feels affirming, but I can't shake those awful images and needed to vent about it
PPB is a weapon to surpass Metal Gear
Amazing, congrats! 
I dunno about you but I'm alive for the first time. I'm only now discovering who I am and am capable of going and getting the things I want, and I can be a hot chick I'm getting wild and the girlies I went out with who cracked my egg were a little wild in a great way. I think it's normal to be a little wild and desperate to start living and get what we want once we're out, yeah
Oh yeah, it's a lot of fun. I got drunk last night with my partner; I hope you find your cute boyfriend to get drunk with <3
if we take a clear-eyed view, alcohol is really closer to what people call 'hard drugs', like meth or heroin, than it is to like weed or something. But humans have been making and drinking alcohol for so long it's a core part of human culture for better or worse. Enjoy!
It's not automatic, but I feel so euphoric when I can get my brain to shift and suddenly I'm fully present in my body and the social situation. When I get there my mannerisms shift on their own and I behave differently, more fem, more active with gestures and more talkative and bold. I think if I actually had some executive function I would have figured this out much sooner and it would be much easier to be present and feel IT
I think the word for IT when I feel IT is 'womanhood'
what about coding in rust on a used thinkpad while in booty shorts