this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2026
106 points (100.0% liked)

news

24849 readers
405 users here now

Welcome to c/news! We aim to foster a book-club type environment for discussion and critical analysis of the news. Our policy objectives are:

We ask community members to appreciate the uncertainty inherent in critical analysis of current events, the need to constantly learn, and take part in the community with humility. None of us are the One True Leftist, not even you, the reader.

Newcomm and Newsmega Rules:

The Hexbear Code of Conduct and Terms of Service apply here.

  1. Link titles: Please use informative link titles. Overly editorialized titles, particularly if they link to opinion pieces, may get your post removed.

  2. Content warnings: Posts on the newscomm and top-level replies on the newsmega should use content warnings appropriately. Please be thoughtful about wording and triggers when describing awful things in post titles.

  3. Fake news: No fake news posts ever, including April 1st. Deliberate fake news posting is a bannable offense. If you mistakenly post fake news the mod team may ask you to delete/modify the post or we may delete it ourselves.

  4. Link sources: All posts must include a link to their source. Screenshots are fine IF you include the link in the post body. If you are citing a Twitter post as news, please include the Xcancel.com (or another Nitter instance) or at least strip out identifier information from the twitter link. There is also a Firefox extension that can redirect Twitter links to a Nitter instance, such as Libredirect or archive them as you would any other reactionary source.

  5. Archive sites: We highly encourage use of non-paywalled archive sites (i.e. archive.is, web.archive.org, ghostarchive.org) so that links are widely accessible to the community and so that reactionary sources don’t derive data/ad revenue from Hexbear users. If you see a link without an archive link, please archive it yourself and add it to the thread, ask the OP to fix it, or report to mods. Including text of articles in threads is welcome.

  6. Low effort material: Avoid memes/jokes/shitposts in newscomm posts and top-level replies to the newsmega. This kind of content is OK in post replies and in newsmega sub-threads. We encourage the community to balance their contribution of low effort material with effort posts, links to real news/analysis, and meaningful engagement with material posted in the community.

  7. American politics: Discussion and effort posts on the (potential) material impacts of American electoral politics is welcome, but the never-ending circus of American Politics© Brought to You by Mountain Dew™ is not welcome. This refers to polling, pundit reactions, electoral horse races, rumors of who might run, etc.

  8. Electoralism: Please try to avoid struggle sessions about the value of voting/taking part in the electoral system in the West. c/electoralism is right over there.

  9. AI Slop: Don't post AI generated content. Posts about AI race/chip wars/data centers are fine.

founded 6 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] CthulhusIntern@hexbear.net 58 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Sail your entire fleet of aircraft carriers through the Strait of Hormuz. The strength on display would make them immediately surrender.

[–] doubtingtammy@lemmy.ml 33 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Make sure to do a GWB-style presidential landing on an aircraft carrier once in the strait

[–] chgxvjh@hexbear.net 17 points 3 days ago

:zapp-brannigan:

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ClathrateG@hexbear.net 39 points 3 days ago

We killed their schoolgirls, called the new Ayatollah gay and we're all out of ideas!

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 48 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Have they considered depicting Iran as the crying wojak?

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago

Dunno how much use that'd be against those weird AI generated Lego videos in which Iran's dossier on Trump lists his name as "LOSER"

[–] EveningCicada@hexbear.net 42 points 3 days ago

Don't siege the strait, just take it.

[–] chgxvjh@hexbear.net 39 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 34 points 3 days ago (3 children)

It's inevitable they have to there's literally no winning this war outside of massive losses and pissing off even more of the population. So I'd imagine eventually they'll just slink off and be like "oh yeah we would have won but the second controller was broken!" then invade Cuba.

[–] AntiOutsideAktion@hexbear.net 27 points 3 days ago

"oh yeah we would have won but the second controller was broken!"

dead-dove-2 You know it's just going to be 'stabbed in the back' again

[–] theperfidiousOrbweaver@hexbear.net 19 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (5 children)

Even massive losses wouldn't win the war at this point if it ever would have lmao. khamenei-what owned

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] AvocadoVapelung@hexbear.net 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

get three cows

label them 1, 3 and 4

airdrop them inside iran

while everyone's distracted looking for cow #2, launch a surprise attack

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 39 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Are they going to start doing weird shit they used to do where they would do things like drop gay porn on their enemies?

[–] miz@hexbear.net 43 points 3 days ago (3 children)

The Men Who Stare at Goatse

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago

Pun of the year right here! Just habd the award over now

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] EmmaGoldman@hexbear.net 13 points 3 days ago

Airdrop a bunch of magic eye images to distract the enemy and get 'em while their eyes are crossed.

[–] Graphite2@hexbear.net 23 points 2 days ago (1 children)

it's all going to be millions of fractured ideas about dousing their weaponry in bacon grease

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] SoyViking@hexbear.net 24 points 2 days ago (4 children)

How to punish Iran:

  • Put a whoopie cushion on the ayatollah's chair
  • Cover Iran's frat house in toilet paper
  • Put dog shit in a paper bag, light it on fire right outside the Iran border, ring the doorbell and run!
  • Order like a 100 anchovy pizzas for the ayatollah
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] ZeroHora@lemmy.ml 32 points 3 days ago

Translation: warcrimes.

[–] Renin@hexbear.net 22 points 3 days ago (3 children)

I really want to see what goes on in the minds of American troops, it would be really convenient if someone leaked that chat of whatever they're saying.

[–] Mutalisk@hexbear.net 25 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

It's just going to be

  • murder more civilians
  • nuke them
  • ask Israel if we can murder less scary Palestinians or Lebanese people instead
[–] userse31@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

Don't forget sexual assault """"jokes"""".

The ven diagram of troop chat and chat on a call of duty lobbies would just be overlapping circles. I don't know if you would really gleam any useful context from a bunch of idiotic 18 year olds. You might learn some new slurs popular with zoomers?

[–] Damarcusart@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

Just go on 4Chan or any right wing discord. It'll be the exact same endless stream of slurs.

[–] PurrLure@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago

Have you tried throwing Iran a pizza party?

It demotivates American workers well enough.

[–] BettercallMao@hexbear.net 28 points 3 days ago (2 children)

lol

The 2 weeks war is still going on?

You've heard about weeks were decades happen, now get ready for weeks that last decades!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 14 points 2 days ago (4 children)

I think literally the only way America could ever win or have won this would be to have done it 30 years ago when its technology and military buildup would have been an advantage, or to like, not piss off both Russia and China and work with one or both (unlikely to be China in either case) to invade and partition it

Or like pick a fucking lane between supporting Iraq vs Iran instead of trying to Both Sides it until Iraq lost and invaded Kuwait

like i literally do not know what the american ruling class is thinking. good for the rest of the world that it couldn't decide and act on a coherent strategy but like my god what is wrong with them

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] culpritus@hexbear.net 17 points 3 days ago

ideas to punish Iran

Is this acceptance that they can't even imagine a winning scenario?

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 20 points 3 days ago

It's just going to be boot marines saying "please sir, please drop a tactical nuke on them"

[–] 7bicycles@hexbear.net 19 points 3 days ago

if I was the USAF I'd ask my guys how to win it instead

[–] EmmaGoldman@hexbear.net 17 points 3 days ago

Creative and Unconventional is the new Cruel and Unusual.

Okay, here me out. Pull your dicks out. Now put them in this lil guy right here.... gui

[–] Lovely_sombrero@hexbear.net 14 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] Luisp@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 days ago

Force them to use JavaScript

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 14 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Damn they should ask a LLM, that will give them allthe groundbreaking and creative ideas they need.

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I did this out of curiosity to see what it suggests. It's giving me:

  1. basically total sanctions and economic blockade. Not gonna work, ya dumb robot, pretty sure they tried it

  2. basically suggested continuing doing what they're doing, bombing whatever missile/drone/etc areas they can + "precision" strikes on leaders. It's still not working, lying machine!

  3. have regional allies take the brunt of counter attacks

And it's like lol that's just what they're doing to lose

I asked it to try really hard to think of a good solution for this crisis and it was basically like "try diplomacy" i-cant

I asked it to try really hard to think of a good solution for this crisis and it was basically like "try diplomacy"

When the dumb machine trained to regurgitate sum total of written human stupidity makes more sense than the ones running the show.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Lovely_sombrero@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago

You are correct, the Pentagon is not in Iran. I will drop the nuke there next time.

[–] CloutAtlas@hexbear.net 13 points 3 days ago

"Can we put Seal Team 6 in a large wooden horse outside of Tehran?"

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 11 points 3 days ago

leave them alone long enough for me, the boot suggesting this, to run out my contract.

[–] sisatici@hexbear.net 11 points 3 days ago

make a diplomatic call and ask them if their fridge is running

[–] radio_free_asgarthr@hexbear.net 10 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

What if we eroded morale. By creating a cartoon series where Spongebob fights and beats Soleimani.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›