Ask Lemmy

Yeah, if we were into each other. How they present and their AGAB matching my own preferences would be a factor.

But at the end of the day, my "straightness" is just a convenient label. If someone gets voted in by the Tribunal (Heart, Mind, and Cock), all labels are ultimately superfluous.

Depends if they have a pussy. In general most non-binary people I've met haven't been particularly androgynous. Which is one of the reasons they confuse me.

But yeah if they've got the body type I enjoy and a good personality then sure. No way I could make a universal statement though.

No. I am very much a CIS only kind of guy. Now would I abuse them or be mean? No. But sexual attraction is all about preferences. As a black guy here, will I be offended because some women do not want to date a black man? No. Their preference. Same here.

Probably not, because I'm generally not attracted to biological males as they usually don't have the physical attributes I find attractive. Sure, feminine attributes can be achieved through surgery, drugs and makeup, but I'd prefer a natural woman and since there is that choice, that's what I'd prefer.

Before you get upset, know that this is my honest opinion. I'll respect you however you identify and will happily hang out with anyone. And I'm sure i'd find some non-binary folk physically attractive, but as I have a choice and I'm a cis hetro then that's my answer.

No thanks, I only date my wife.

Straight guy here. As long as they have the body parts I'm interested in and plan on keeping them, I don't care what gender they align with.

That sounds like it would only work if the straight person can easily interpret the non-binary person as "basically like a cis man/woman just with different pronouns", and the non-binary person either has the same set of genitals that you'd expect based on their appearance, or the straight person just doesn't care about unexpected genitals, which seems rare.

But I'm bi, so I wouldn't know.

I was never interested in dating anyone queer while I was looking. it's not the kind of relationship I'm looking for. I more want a regular guy who wants to be the dad and who will likewise let me be the mom. new boyfriend is like that and we're happily getting to know each other.

Probably not, just because I don’t think I can really relate to that identity. If I’m being honest, I just don’t really understand it. It seems more like a cultural phenomenon to me than a real identity that is based on some biological reality, even if just in the brain. I’m not saying I don’t think a brain biology couldn’t produce something like that, but it seems much more likely to be the product of cultural factors than that to me.

Addendum: Plus, I honestly find it hard to use gender neutral or gender-sex unaligned pronouns if the person still looks like their biological sex. I don’t think I’d want to deal with using gender neutral pronouns with a partner that looks female, and being straight, I probably wouldn't be attracted to an androgynous or male-looking person.

In all honesty I don't think I could handle it and I'd become toxic in some way eventually just because I probably couldn't ever understand my partner to a level where I could consider them my partner.

... If that makes any damn sense

I don’t know why it would matter? If I’m attracted to them and they’re nice to me there’s no reason not to

Depends more on their biological sex, not what they identify as.

Once one accepts that non-binary (NB?) people have the same humanity as any other person, a potential partner's AGAB matters less. That's my experience, anyway.

I'm demisexual, attracted to stereotypically feminine or androgynous bodies, and I've seen a number of very cute, penis-bearing women. If I had an emotional connection with a NB person or transwoman with the aforementioned body type, I think it’d be fun and exciting to see if we click romantically/sexually.

I'm married to a non binary person.

To be fair, I don't think I would date someone whose whole personality is just their gender...

Aside from that - depends who they are, how they behave etc.

I'm not into penis, personally. That caveat outta the way: I've had nothing but good to downright incredible relationships with non-binary people. Stable? fuck no (neither was I at the time) but incredible. 10/10 would try again. With someone less crazy than I am next time.

Date: sure, why not. I don't want to die curious. But I'm really not into guys so if you come across as one I'll pass, which makes it seem like I'd be wasting both of ours time by not going for a woman to begin with.

As a straight man I am attracted to women. I have seen plenty AFAB enbys who are attractive. I have also seen plenty of AMAB trans women who are attractive. I have seen plenty of AFAB women who are attractive.

I once heard that sexual attraction is just a vibe and I really like that description. So if they hit my vibe I am in.

Within reason, yes. Not looking for anything complicated.

I like to think that i don't really care what labels are in place as long as we're compatible in the myriad of relevant departments.
However, my thought remains largely untested*

*Technically i have briefly dated a person who fluctuated between woman and NB, but idk if i count it for reasons that are my own.

If we got along and I found them attractive, sure.

Are they going to put up with me playing copious amounts of city building games, my weekly Dungeons & Dragons game, and never shutting up about Aztec history?

I’m aromantic so perhaps my view of “dating” doesn’t fit. And, before I say anything else I should preface that the sexual preferences of a random internet stranger (me) should not be taken as indicative of universal self worth or appeal. You are valid regardless of the opinions/proclivities of others, especially random internet strangers like me lol

Anyway, I am kind of on the ace spectrum. I’ve only really been with cis women and with them I’m just indifferent to sex. I thought it would be the same for men despite not feeling any attraction whatsoever towards them, so I decided to experiment.

Turns out I was quite wrong and I am actually viscerally repulsed by both men and male genitalia. I can’t just power through the grossness like I can with others.

So, I would be quite hesitant to date a nonbinary person with male genitals. My gay friends were very chill with my reaction in the experiments lol, but I get the feeling that if I did end up having a reflexive negative response to a nonbinary person, it would probably increase any dysphoria they feel and I don’t want to to do that to anyone.

I also dont feel attracted to anyone with facial hair (regardless of “biological sex”) so that might cut down on the nonbinary population I would have a desire to date too.

The main point Id like to make here is that gender in general stupid for many reasons including, in my opinion, trying to define attraction. I don’t care what pronouns someone uses or if how they dress aligns with a specific gender or what social norms they adhere to specific to genders. What is most important to attraction is, specifically, attraction.

Does this person have the seemingly random traits my brain likes and not the ones it dislikes? Great. Maybe for some people those attractive or repulsive attributes fall along gender lines perfectly but I seriously doubt that’s the case for anyone especially since gender lines are more gradients than lines in the first place.

I would probably be fine dating a nonbinary person who has the traits which I like (physical and non-physical btw, like idc if someone’s hot; if they’re rude or cruel to others, they can gtfo) and not traits I dislike but that’s kind of as specific as I can get and none of my attraction/repulsion stems directly from gender.

Anyway, I again would like to tell anyone reading this that if someone (including me) doesn’t find you attractive, it should have no bearing on how you see yourself or your perceived self worth. Tell yourself “they don’t know what they’re missing” and keep on being you because you’re awesome and they’re just some idiot whose opinion shouldn’t matter to you anyway. (Plus there is plenty more to life than sex, I mean who cares about sexual attraction when there is cool physics and mathematics to learn right?)

I used to have a lot of exposure to different lifestyles due to being into BDSM and heavily involved in a trans-friendly group. One of my best friends fully transitioned with I think gave me a lot of insight.

I want to say first that I fully support the rights of all people to live their truth as they see it. I respect and value people regardless of what they have in their pants or who they choose to share that with.

I'm attracted to femme features and were I to date someone they would have to pass pretty well. I'm not viscerally disgusted by a penis, and I guess I'd be willing to experiment, but in the abstract I'm not attracted to them, I don't get pleasure from anal play, and I don't really like putting my dick in butts. Not totally opposed but it's rare I'm in the mood for that — I have to be feeling very "top-y."

So just don't know that there is a lot of dating potential there. However I could use more friends and if someone wanted to hang out and talk nerdy shit over drinks in a romantic setting and call it a date, I'm in.

I will add that I'm married and while we are essentially monogamous, we aren't strictly so and hypothetically if the right person came along that fit as a play partner or throuple, I wouldn't care about gender or gender expression at all. As long as there is someone involved in an encounter who makes my junk tingle, it's all good.

I wouldn't rule it out. Would really depend on the person.

If one would, you would assume that makes them pansexual instead of straight. no?

Another form of this question is for married people, of if their spouse's genitals one day just flipped inside-out or outside-in, would that be enough to end your relationship?

I love my partner so, so much, as she basically saved my life. And if she woke up tomorrow sporting a turgid member, I wouldn't love her any less. In fact, quite far from a deal breaker. Even if she, out of nowhere, wanted bottom surgery, I would support her 100%. But, with that, presenting as the gender she does is what makes me attracted to her. My brain stem loves them good lady shapes, and the rest of my brain loves this individual lady in particular.

It's a package deal, but of she had a package, that's not part of the math for the deal.

I had an on-again-off-again thing with an AFAB person who identified as non-binary for the latter part of that time. Still had a vagina, still enjoyed PIV, still had a body I found attractive, so whatever. Only real difficulty was cutting gendered language out of dirty talk, especially with them being a sub.

Admittedly, I'm kind of a gender-abolitionist anyway. Biological sex I get, I like putting my penis in a vagina. Body-type aesthetic preferences I get, but those are pretty individual in the first place: some people like tits, some like ass, some like skinny, some like thick, some like short, some like tall; there are plenty of women I don't find attractive but others do, and vice versa. But outside that, gender just seems socially regressive. So long as I am sexually attracted to you and you like having sex roughly the same way I do, the rest is just personality.

I'm sincerely not sure how social gender would affect my relationship.

Hard to say. I'm into lady bits and not man bits, this is from experience. I have no issue finding a man attractive physically or even emotionally but sexually it's a meh. Over my life I've had friends and acquaintances and colleagues that are of any gender and orientation, I don't really care much in other relationships. I've dated bisexual and tomboys and I like confident women and I really like confident intelligent women despite myself being mid on smarts or maybe that's why.

It probably comes down to some basic chemistry and if they are interesting people. If they have lady bits and "just are" NB, it probably doesn't matter much. If it is their entire personality that they are NB, then I probably just don't get romantically or sexually interested in the first place.

I am not dating a man, because I am not gay.

A "trans man" is still a man.

Do with that whatever you will.

I've gone on dates with non-binary people, but usually they have off-putting personalities and beliefs or were quite rude and weird.

I find this is a weird question. Everyone is going to be different. If the person is straight, then obviously they're going to be more attracted to someone who presents on the feminine side. It's all personal preference though.

As a straight man, I prefer my women to be more towards the tomboy side of things usually. I like really feminine looking women too, but I find the ones I'm most attracted towards look feminine but present more towards the masculine side.

Obviously all these terms are made up though. I would say anyone who isn't a bigot would date a non-binary person if they match what they want. Genitals are obviously part of this, but presentation is made up. Your presentation just has to be something they like. If they like it then tbey like it. It shouldn't be more complex than that. Someone being non-binary has nothing to do with that.

All this said, personality is obviously important. Someone can be attracted to you and not like your personality. I guess someone could not like the personality of people who are non-binary?

Honestly you kinda gotta remind me what non binary means. Does it mean they have no preference in sexual partner or that they don't view themselves as either of the sexes or something else?

I’d be surprised if a straight dude would date a non-binary person with a dick. Less surprised but similarly with straight women and vaginas.