Ask Lemmy

To be fair, I don't think I would date someone whose whole personality is just their gender...

Aside from that - depends who they are, how they behave etc.

Yeah, if we were into each other. How they present and their AGAB matching my own preferences would be a factor.

But at the end of the day, my "straightness" is just a convenient label. If someone gets voted in by the Tribunal (Heart, Mind, and Cock), all labels are ultimately superfluous.

Another form of this question is for married people, of if their spouse's genitals one day just flipped inside-out or outside-in, would that be enough to end your relationship?

I love my partner so, so much, as she basically saved my life. And if she woke up tomorrow sporting a turgid member, I wouldn't love her any less. In fact, quite far from a deal breaker. Even if she, out of nowhere, wanted bottom surgery, I would support her 100%. But, with that, presenting as the gender she does is what makes me attracted to her. My brain stem loves them good lady shapes, and the rest of my brain loves this individual lady in particular.

It's a package deal, but of she had a package, that's not part of the math for the deal.

No. I am very much a CIS only kind of guy. Now would I abuse them or be mean? No. But sexual attraction is all about preferences. As a black guy here, will I be offended because some women do not want to date a black man? No. Their preference. Same here.

Depends if they have a pussy. In general most non-binary people I've met haven't been particularly androgynous. Which is one of the reasons they confuse me.

But yeah if they've got the body type I enjoy and a good personality then sure. No way I could make a universal statement though.

No thanks, I only date my wife.

Straight guy here. As long as they have the body parts I'm interested in and plan on keeping them, I don't care what gender they align with.

Probably not, because I'm generally not attracted to biological males as they usually don't have the physical attributes I find attractive. Sure, feminine attributes can be achieved through surgery, drugs and makeup, but I'd prefer a natural woman and since there is that choice, that's what I'd prefer.

Before you get upset, know that this is my honest opinion. I'll respect you however you identify and will happily hang out with anyone. And I'm sure i'd find some non-binary folk physically attractive, but as I have a choice and I'm a cis hetro then that's my answer.

Likely not, though there are always exceptions.

Friends for sure. The big difference to me, between dating and being friends, is the level of physical intimacy and sexual attraction between the people in the relationship -- and ideally, you want that to be a strong enough bond that you can rely on each other for those needs almost exclusively. I can't realistically picture such a bond with a non binary person, similar to how I don't think such a bond can be as exclusive/strong with someone who is 'gender fluid' (as it'd feel like I'd never live up to the expectations of a partner that wanted to physically/materially play around with both men and women, seeing as I'm just one of the two). I also find myself more attracted to certain generally more feminine characteristics, which would likely not work out well if the other person is non-binary -- I wouldn't want someone I cared about, changing/masking who they are, just for my benefit, so I wouldn't want to put them into that sort of dilemma by pursuing a relationship.

There's nothing wrong with being non-binary. There's also nothing wrong with not being attracted to non-binary people.

Then again, my viewpoint has resulted in me being a single middle aged person with no real immediate family, and few close friends (they tend to go 'poof' once they find a wife/husband and start families). So being somewhat mindful of these things, may have negative results in the long run for most cis-folks. May be better to just hook up with anything with a pulse, and try to get some kids/connections by any means, if you don't want to die alone. Throw every relationship at the wall and see what sticks -- any hole's a goal.

This is a messy but interesting question to sort my thoughts on. First, I did date a non-binary person for a couple years and ended things on good terms. I’m AMAB, they’re AFAB on testosterone. I’ll admit I felt a little weird as their transition took effect over time with thicker leg hair and a peach fuzz mustache.

Second, I’ve considered myself a sex-positive asexual person since I learned the term, so I’m not certain I should be answering this. I’ve always been confused when someone is called hot, but I like the mental/emotional intimacy and physical touch of sex. I’ve come to realize recently that I’d probably be okay being intimate with a woman or feminine partner with a dick, but since I would like to have kids some day it wouldn’t really work for a romantic relationship.

Third, that partner has half-jokingly said that you have to be a little gay to date them, so I don’t know that any person that would date a non-binary person can call themself 100% straight, which means technically nobody should be answering this question at all :P

Tbh. Am straight, and I wouldn't date them, even if I'd find them attractive. Just because I don't have time and nerves to deal with confusion of something so fundamental.

I find this is a weird question. Everyone is going to be different. If the person is straight, then obviously they're going to be more attracted to someone who presents on the feminine side. It's all personal preference though.

As a straight man, I prefer my women to be more towards the tomboy side of things usually. I like really feminine looking women too, but I find the ones I'm most attracted towards look feminine but present more towards the masculine side.

Obviously all these terms are made up though. I would say anyone who isn't a bigot would date a non-binary person if they match what they want. Genitals are obviously part of this, but presentation is made up. Your presentation just has to be something they like. If they like it then tbey like it. It shouldn't be more complex than that. Someone being non-binary has nothing to do with that.

All this said, personality is obviously important. Someone can be attracted to you and not like your personality. I guess someone could not like the personality of people who are non-binary?

I am not dating a man, because I am not gay.

A "trans man" is still a man.

Do with that whatever you will.

In all honesty I don't think I could handle it and I'd become toxic in some way eventually just because I probably couldn't ever understand my partner to a level where I could consider them my partner.

... If that makes any damn sense

As a straight man I am attracted to women. I have seen plenty AFAB enbys who are attractive. I have also seen plenty of AMAB trans women who are attractive. I have seen plenty of AFAB women who are attractive.

I once heard that sexual attraction is just a vibe and I really like that description. So if they hit my vibe I am in.

I had an on-again-off-again thing with an AFAB person who identified as non-binary for the latter part of that time. Still had a vagina, still enjoyed PIV, still had a body I found attractive, so whatever. Only real difficulty was cutting gendered language out of dirty talk, especially with them being a sub.

Admittedly, I'm kind of a gender-abolitionist anyway. Biological sex I get, I like putting my penis in a vagina. Body-type aesthetic preferences I get, but those are pretty individual in the first place: some people like tits, some like ass, some like skinny, some like thick, some like short, some like tall; there are plenty of women I don't find attractive but others do, and vice versa. But outside that, gender just seems socially regressive. So long as I am sexually attracted to you and you like having sex roughly the same way I do, the rest is just personality.

I'm sincerely not sure how social gender would affect my relationship.

Probably not, just because I don’t think I can really relate to that identity. If I’m being honest, I just don’t really understand it. It seems more like a cultural phenomenon to me than a real identity that is based on some biological reality, even if just in the brain. I’m not saying I don’t think a brain biology couldn’t produce something like that, but it seems much more likely to be the product of cultural factors than that to me.

Addendum: Plus, I honestly find it hard to use gender neutral or gender-sex unaligned pronouns if the person still looks like their biological sex. I don’t think I’d want to deal with using gender neutral pronouns with a partner that looks female, and being straight, I probably wouldn't be attracted to an androgynous or male-looking person.

I'm not into penis, personally. That caveat outta the way: I've had nothing but good to downright incredible relationships with non-binary people. Stable? fuck no (neither was I at the time) but incredible. 10/10 would try again. With someone less crazy than I am next time.

That sounds like it would only work if the straight person can easily interpret the non-binary person as "basically like a cis man/woman just with different pronouns", and the non-binary person either has the same set of genitals that you'd expect based on their appearance, or the straight person just doesn't care about unexpected genitals, which seems rare.

But I'm bi, so I wouldn't know.

I was never interested in dating anyone queer while I was looking. it's not the kind of relationship I'm looking for. I more want a regular guy who wants to be the dad and who will likewise let me be the mom. new boyfriend is like that and we're happily getting to know each other.

Maybe, idk. Probably if they would lean more to the masculine side.

I should add, that I do consider myself straight, but I would not 100% deny, that I Am maybe bisexual/pansexual.

Once one accepts that non-binary (NB?) people have the same humanity as any other person, a potential partner's AGAB matters less. That's my experience, anyway.

I'm demisexual, attracted to stereotypically feminine or androgynous bodies, and I've seen a number of very cute, penis-bearing women. If I had an emotional connection with a NB person or transwoman with the aforementioned body type, I think it’d be fun and exciting to see if we click romantically/sexually.

As long as their physical anatomy was identical to my gender of choice, yes.

Yeah of course, if they looked attractive to me and liked me back.

If we talk the same language and there is the spark of interest, I don't see why not. non-binary is all about breaking these barriers, correct?

Depends more on their biological sex, not what they identify as.

I don’t know why it would matter? If I’m attracted to them and they’re nice to me there’s no reason not to

This is a question that's been brought up irl recently (alongside whether I would date a trans woman) and the honest answer is I simply don't know. I'd have to be presented with someone non-binary who I'm attracted to (and just as importantly, vice versa) to really form an opinion.

I lean towards probably not, but there's been two occasions I've been surprised at my impression of a non-AGAB, feminine presenting person. But two people vs. many more cis-women, so idk.

It is a pretty striking "well, this is new" experience when you're not expecting it though. And it did get a warranty sold, that much I'll admit.

I like to think that i don't really care what labels are in place as long as we're compatible in the myriad of relevant departments.
However, my thought remains largely untested*

*Technically i have briefly dated a person who fluctuated between woman and NB, but idk if i count it for reasons that are my own.

I’m sexually attracted exclusively to feminine presenting people and repulsed by masculine presenting people. I don’t really care about what’s between legs but I am much more experience with vaginas. But I’m a hoe and don’t really know what to call my sexuality