I had a job where I was supposed to arrive at 8:00am. According to maps & normal traffic patterns, it should take me 25-30 minutes to get there from home.

If I left home at 7:30 it would usually take me 35 minutes and I would invariably arrive at 8:05am. Late.

No problem, leave earlier, right?

If I left at 7:25am it would take me 40 minutes and I would arrive at 8:05am.

If I left at 7:15am it would somehow take me 50 minutes and I would arrive 8:05am.

If I left at 7:00am …you guessed it, it would take me 65 minutes and I would arrive 8:05am.

It’s like I was destined to be there at 8:05am.

Eventually I negotiated with my boss to be there at 8:30am instead. I stared leaving my house at 7:45am and I’d usually get there by 8:15am. Early!

It was just the way the traffic worked out in my commute.

“Man, I wish it wasn’t so hard to get up in the morning.”

“Try going to bed earlier.”

“NO!!!”

I know it's a shitpost but it's real advice. Far to often people will try to 'make up' time by driving faster or more aggressive. So not only are you stressing yourself out by leaving too late, your now stressing out everyone near you in the road watching you be a jackass.

My friend says that for decades they thought the objective was to arrive at the precise time. Eventually they changed mental approaches. It was an interesting experience.

"I only need ten minutes to get ready."

No honey, you don't.

Mornings have their own golden rule:

Thou shall be sidetracked by random bullshit every goddamned time.

Headline: A viral new Tiktok trend is giving Gen-Z a head start on their day!

It’s my destination’s fault for being too far away

bro trust me, you just need to wake up earlier, trust me bro 4am is a sensible time to wake up, you only need 6 hours of sleep, you're not maximizing your free time, you can skip breakfast and dinner trust me bro, you can fit in an extra two hours of work, plenty of time in the day 👌💪

There are three ways to finish faster:

1. start earlier
2. do less
3. get help

I know this seems obvious but I’ve had to go back to it a million times at work when some project is behind schedule. All options tend to boil down to one of these. Notice it doesn’t say “go faster” it says “finish faster.” Reducing the scope of what you’re trying to do will bring the finish line closer without accelerating you at all.

#1 is usually not an option but I keep it in the list to remind people how we got where we are. This is often needed to motivate them to accept #2 or #3. CEO wants it all and wants it faster? He shouldn’t have taken a month to make up his mind. Now he’s going to get less or spend more, period.

I’ll just be slower because I’m not as stressed

I have a ten minute window where it doesn’t matter when I leave the house, I get to work at the same time. If I leave before that I get to work fifteen minutes early and I’m not getting paid for that.

I combine that with making sure my friends know I struggle with time dilation and so I make sure to give an eta when I'm out the door

Real advice: get your shit ready the day before. You won't be stumbling around looking for socks if you found a pair last night. Of your clothes are already in the bathroom, you can walk straight from your bed to the shower. If your lunch box is already packed, you can just grab it from the fridge and go.

Okay, now I get why Shaggy 2 Dope doesn't like scientists.

If you want me to arrive on time you need to tricking into thinking the appointed time is 15 minutes earlier than when it really is.

So... it actually is your fault that I'm late, really.

Thats crazy talk.

Humbug