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Ace person here. We get mistaken for being prudes, snobs, or arrogant. Or, because we don't put out, we get a lot of hate from people who are attracted to us even though we won't reciprocate (or might selectively reciprocate).
People just can't fathom the concept of 'not horny'.
This is just from the top of my head, but I suppose that it goes back to first principles: gender essentialism is a key ideology organizing society and extending to sexism, homophobia, genderism and transphobia. Then gender essentialism dictates broad sets of behaviors that are based on cisgender and heterosexual expectations, including sex temperament.
It may not come up often, but as long as it is visible as a distinct "thing" then it can get you in trouble. A cis-passing trans person might not get everyday harassment etc, but that does not mean there is no murderous transphobia. Similarly, a demisexual cis man can get in trouble because not being enthusiastic about women can have him pegged as gay etc, so he has to pretend he is consumed by sex drive to fit it. Then there is all the social BS asexual people get which includes negative stereotypes (like being repressed latent homosexuals and/or SA survivors) and overall diminishing their voice, like "it must be ...anything else" except for you not genuinely want sex or being attracted to people of any gender.
There might not be pogroms against asexual people, but that doesn't mean there is not invisibility and discrimination once you scratch the surface. It can go as far as life and family benefits that are structured around the expectation that people get sexually and romantically involved, form core families, bring up kids. Not only parents and relatives might get nosy if you are not dating or have a family by a certain age, but there might be salary and welfare adjustments that also make these assumptions.
Being asexual is connected to the main oppressions queer and trans people face and there is no reason to take asexual oppression less seriously than sexism, homophobia, and transphobia, because it is interacting with those.
Oh man as a teenage girl, so many other girls my age thought I was gay because I never talked about boys. I finally figured out that I'm demi literally this month, in my 30s.
animals that live in social groups often reject nonstandard behaving individuals as a defense mechanism
And until we move past this we cannot in good faith say we're superior to animals.
/thread
This is the answer.
I'm sorry, who is discriminating against asexual people?
I know its a low ball but verifiably at least 37k people..
Fuck Joanne Rowling in particular, BUT, I don't think this particular post is a good example given what it's actually saying...
Being mocked is a form of oppression ... this sort of "humour" reinforces who is to be considered part of an outgroup, that can then be excluded from society.
See: the history of racist, sexist, and bigoted "jokes"
Straight and (in less proportion) gay people, because they think ace people "Only need to find the right person in their life!".
Because we are herd animals that tend to pick on those we perceive as different?
That being said, are they discriminated against? Can you give examples?
I wish people would stop trying to fix me. I've tried sex. It doesn't work for me. I'm much happier in a relationship where that isn't a factor. But some people will always insist that I just need x y or z. Over the years I've grown disdainful of Mazlowes Heirachry of Needs since sex is listed there, then it's clear that I need it.
Ace person here. "You just need to find the right person" and variations of that are something we often get.
On the more malicious end of the spectrum, you get stuff like "you just need a good fucking first"
There are also people who feel that ace people should not be included in queer pride or have their own flag/identity.
I wouldn't have put "you just haven't found the right one yet" in the discrimination category. That strikes me as helpless and ignorant rather than structurally evil. But I guess it's the repetition of it.
The "good fucking" one I'm with you. That's awful. And the pride-internal groupthink is discriminating too.
Thanks for broadening my horizon.
"You just haven't found the right one yet" is a typical passive aggressive way of telling people that they don't know themselves.
So for me, a lesbian, I got "you just haven't met the right man yet" many times. Most of the people saying that didn't know how many men I have known.
"Corrective" rape has been used on ace people, for being ace.
Structurally our societies are usually oriented around people finding romantic life partners, and the state recognizes and makes life easier for people in these relationships. Modern life, especially with the current housing shit going on in North America, is much harder if your preferred way to live is a single income person living alone. This definitely disadvantages aro/ace people, though Iβm not sure Iβd call it discrimination.
Tangentially related, but I canβt miss an opportunity to bring up Elizabeth Brakeβs really interesting paper, Minimizing Marriage. If the whole thing looks a little long Iβd recommend reading at least chapter 7 to get the heart of her proposal, itβs a real eye opener.
though Iβm not sure Iβd call it discrimination.
It most definitely is discrimination. Because discrimination is "treating two things differently according to a discriminator". Such as living alone or with a registered partner.
Now, the purpose of this is obvious (having a child is expensive and a good thing in the state's eyes). Such cases where the discrimination "makes sense" (as it evens the playing field isntead of skewing it further) is usually termed as "positive" discrimination.
But as it technically fits the core requirement of discrimination, it is discrimination.
Sometimes it is (wrongly) seen as a sickness, they are "supposed" to do/want sex and/or romance. It can have a side of ableism.
Under capitalism everyone is expected to help replenish the labour force for free
Discriminated against in terms of employment or in terms of being invited to key parties?
I didnt know they were?
Maybe they get odd looks if the topic comes up, or have it brushed aside as a kind of sour-grapes mentality, but I've never been aware of any actual kind of discrimination.
The gays had it really rough, the trans are getting it tight right now, but the asex crowd seem mostly left alone?
Too many people hate those who are different. Too many people take personal offense when someone doesn't care about something they like. They don't pump out kids for the machine and meat grinder.
They aren't. There is no widespread or structural oppression of Ace people, if anything society is moving in their direction as the secular puritans of Gen Z become the cultural arbiters.
You're correct it makes no sense. If you extend this argument out it still holds true. Discriminating against anyone on the basis of their sexuality makes no sense. Their private infancy doesnt hurt anyone.
My guess Hate from ppl in horny jail and wish you could join in the fun or envy from ppl who have high sex drives and wish it was lower.
Also same with gay ppl, possible parents angry there is representation for their kids to identify with instead of just sucking it up and have babies. One of my roommates was very depressed asexual. Could see parents blame asexuallity for problem.
If I ask what type of sandwich you like eating and you say you've never wanted a sandwich and don't eat them, I might stop including you in discussions about sandwiches.
There's social persuation going on against people who don't eat sandwitches - Some are saying "They don't eat sandwitches because they've never eaten the right one", Other are insisting that "They need to force fed", Cultists are forcing that "Refusing to eat sandwitches is a disorder/disease". Wide acceptance is lacking that there can be people who are beyond sandwitches.
There's really not, no more than any other LGBTQIA+ persuasion. Every single thing you just listed goes for every single sexuality, i.e. 'spaghetti's only straight until it gets wet,' or 'I can fix her (referring to lesbians); every experiences that. That doesn't mean your experience isn't valid, but let's face it, if that's your complaint welcome to being accepted as a real human.
Ace and aroace most often, in my experience, just get left out. Because like you wouldn't bring an atheist to debate the finer points of faith, it's not really great to bring an aroace to debate the finer points of sexuality.
We are? Demi here, so ace adjacent. Ace and Demi have sex, itβs just not a primary motivator.
Ace and Demi have sex, itβs just not a primary motivator.
I am totally ignorant here, is there a difference between a low sex drive and asexuality? My expectation was that sex is not a primary motivator for someone with a low sex drive while someone who is asexual is not sex-motivated at all (like having sex is entirely treated as caring for someone else's needs).
I'm hoping this reads as sincere, I always worry about whether my phrasing will come across as rude whenever I'm this spectacularly out-of-touch.
It's perfectly okay to ask. I have questions about others I'm afraid to ask sometimes. It's fine.
I'm demisexual, which means I'm only really attracted to people I really know well (but not like, family, that would be weird and etc). So there's my wife and there's everyone else.
I have a pretty high sex drive, it's just not for just anyone. It's also not quite the same as monogamy. Maybe it partly is? Maybe monogamy can manifest as a symptom of demisexuality but both can exist on their own without the other? If it's a Venn diagram, I don't know where I fall. I think, in the middle, because while I was raised on traditional values and believe in honouring a marriage, I can also talk to women of all ages (much older, much younger, my age) and I don't feel attracted to them. Porn is like "that's nice and I can look but I don't want to interact with it."
I can't speak for those who are purely asexual.
I don't even have all the answers for demis.