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๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Transmasculine Pride Ring ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ
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HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST
if you have a preferred week please tell me
Shaleesh* (2/23 - 3/1)
SwitchyandWitchy* (3/2 - 3/8)
Wmill* (3/9 - 3/15)
Disaster_of_Passion* (3/16 - 3/22)
meler* (3/23 - 3/29)
โ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
More and more I feel like I'm being compressed down to my gender rather than being seen as a full person. I am so tired of all these expectations. I don't want to definitively answer gender questions, I want to be happy and have a normal life and express myself how I want. It makes even the small sparks of joy turn to ash in my mouth.
I actually really like my deadname. It doesn't feel like me and i don't like the reason my parents gave it to me buuuuuuuuut as a name in a vacuum I think it's really cute
My deadname was probably the femmiest deadname I could've had lol. I very easily could've kept it. But it never felt like me! It was hard to guess how to pronounce so people always mispronounced it. And I never corrected anyone, cause I just didnt care. I like my name now!
Looking at myself in the mirror is wild, I literally never used to be able to especially after a shower or whatever. HRT did a lot of work and bottom surgery took care of the rest.
I didnt feel a lot of dysphoria before cracking my egg, in fact thinking that thats how people know they were trans was holding me back - but I did get a lot of euphoria when I went out in drag or whatever! Looking back, I actually had a shitload of gender dysphoria since puberty more or less. I just didnt know thats what it was... Anyway a lot of that is gone now. Its such a huge relief, I didnt know just how much of a burden it all was until it was finally gone.
My friend/a little more than friend described bottom surgery for her as feeling very light. A different friend of mine said she finally felt complete. I can definitely appreciate both points of view. I did know I wanted a vagina after wrestling with it for a while and I love my completely valid non-op trans femmes, but I knew I wanted it. I didnt really think I had that much bottom dysphoria until it was finally gone and I could look back at it. Its so strange and wonderful to just see a woman in the mirror. A lot of this feels like 7 years ago when I was juuuust starting to transition and dress up and work on my voice, almost the same level of euphoria. Its crazy!
on one hand, optimistic that I relate to so many of your posts and working towards the same things. on the other hand, it intensifies the unbearable excitement for something still years away (a good thing haha but its a doozy).
In light of today's events :)
I finally managed to finish reading all 2334 chapters of reverend insanity. Holy hell what a journey and what a book.
Idk what to read next.
The author made 2 other series, which he also didn't finish (lmao, this author has 3 back to back really famous book serials that he hasn't finished). Yeah this guy is kinda like the GRRM of chinese web novels.
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I feel relieved now.
I'll just cut my ties with family after paying off my student debt.
Still a few years away from that.
But glad to know that the hatred I held in my heart for my parents since I was 14 wasn't just an edgy phase, it was fully justified. (Well ok dad is still remaining).
I shouldn't be crying. I should focus my time on enjoying being alone. Many benefits to it.
It will be alright. You'll find a better place than on their side.
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it's for the best, it's hard now but better than the alternative of continuing to worry about what they think well into adulthood
hugs back
Thanks. I'll stop crying now.
re:
It sounds like they let you down in just about every way they could. I'm so sorry for how they've treated you. There's a lot that can be said about found family, but processing things however feels best is what matters now.
I've been there with former family too, so like JBB said you're not alone.
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What you did was hard and fraught. I've been putting coming out to my folks for because I expect a similar reaction. You're not alone.
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Hope your folks can beat the odds. Makes such a big difference.
bad coming out story
I came out to my mom
She started begging me not to transition
Why the fuck did I hope for anything?
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I knew. I knew what it was going to be like.
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She started going on that "god forgive me what have I done" rant and as soon as it started I hung up the phone.
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I should have trusted the logical side of my brain which knew this was a bad idea. But I got too emotional and she was buttering me up with "you can tell me anything. I know you've been down for a while now"
you can tell me anything
number one sign that you actually can't tell that person anything 
What you did was very brave. I wish it hadnt turned out how it did but you do have quite some wherewithal and spunk to do it
I'm regretting being brave
Oh no. I'm so sorry. I hope she comes around and still loves you
I don't care anymore. She used to beat me when I was a child. She screamed at me in the public for the dumbest things. Now this. Even though she knows I've been having a rough time. She can go screw off.
Oh. Fuck that wtf.
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Closet was the right place for me. At least I didn't have to worry about things. Now I gotta deal with the fall out what I've said and no idea of how to deal with any of it. Ain't nobody teach me any equations for this, nor do I got "fuck you" money to cut connections.
I gotta try to do stuff, but it's so hard to motivate myself and do something right now
If you do stuff I'll give you a hug. Ok? Go do stuff
Managed to do almost everything I needed to, thank you
To the trans person looking at this, scrolling on that phone in bed, rotting like me:
We're here. At least, i am. You aren't alone. The world's a scary place and you feel alone. That's natural, comes with feeling so isolated. It's going to be okay, we can be lonely together <3
Went with 3 trans friends to see a film made by another trans friend of ours and like everyone there was so queer and it was great!
Also I'm so hot now :3
The wallace and gromit movies are the only real culture 
has ever produced CMV
I always thought the succubus t girl thing was a little overplayed. I like being mlre of a vampire. But after bottom surgery... now I want a womb tattoo lol
Been doing some stretches lately. I've always been flexible, but I want MORE, and it's working... a little
it's barely been my third month on E.. so much changed already. I felt self love, confidence, hate, sadness - all of them proper for the first time ever. unfortunately coincided with vials being harder to access nowadays, thanks a lot turkish government...
it's a beautiful thing, to be trans.. but.. i wish i could do more to help my community than doing what i can in my situation
So as I've posted about before, I've been on a bit of a kick of researching endocrine system info and stuff like that. And its fuckin garbage how many options there are for masculinizing vs feminizing. There's a shit ton of anabolic steroids, peptides, whatever else. Literal endless options that work in different ways and do slightly different things. Trans fem there's like, prog and some options for losing weight (pio, glp1). Why aren't there a dozen funny drugs people tell me not to take that give me bigger tits or something. I know feminizing my voice isn't possible like steroids can masculinize it but idk. Gimme something. In cis women its all birth control shit.
Also still feeling super fucking negative is anyone surprised