My deadname is predominantly given to girls, i hated it because i associated it with what others expected me to be, what they want me to look and act like rather than what i am and who i truly am
communistlara
joined 2 days ago
I've started taking pictures of myself every month to track my progress, every end of the month i take a new picture. I started back in november so i use a pic from september as my starting point. It makes me so much happier because i can see the clear differences between the months. Sometimes i revisit old conversations from november to see my old self and how ive changted behaviourally and mentally between then and now.
For example, behaviourally, i used to hate the idea of being a parent. I don't get along with kids as is and because i'm impatient i would've been an unwilling mother. But.. now i foster several transgirls, taking care of them long-distance and i have one girl that i'm able to help with their hrt journey in real life now. To me, now, there isn't a greater joy than watching my girls bud and bloom like flowers. After all, looking at a plant is pretty but watering it, taking care of it, etc. and being rewarded with a beautiful blossom is worth so much more. And with transgirls, to me, its the most rewarding feeling to me - seeing them blossom in real time when knowing you are one of the people that was blessed with a seedling that grew into something so elegant and magnificent feels magical
To the trans person looking at this, scrolling on that phone in bed, rotting like me:
We're here. At least, i am. You aren't alone. The world's a scary place and you feel alone. That's natural, comes with feeling so isolated. It's going to be okay, we can be lonely together <3
We have to live in spite, to hold onto one another, not lose one another
We lost far too many people as is, we should take care of eachother wherever we can, however we can
Well, someone has to live and help whoever she can to alleviate her friends. T blockers are hard to come by, anything other than pills are insanely expensive too. Having to import medication due to artificially low supply and high costs is demoralizing but hey i get to meet people i've only spoken to online.
I know another girl in the same area. Same age, but, she's too scared to start her hrt journey.. hopefully i can get the medication delivered to her in some way
it's barely been my third month on E.. so much changed already. I felt self love, confidence, hate, sadness - all of them proper for the first time ever. unfortunately coincided with vials being harder to access nowadays, thanks a lot turkish government...
it's a beautiful thing, to be trans.. but.. i wish i could do more to help my community than doing what i can in my situation
sad stuff about being trans spoiler
I want to hold a girl in my arms, or be held in a girl's arms and just cry. All i want is to cry while cuddling and just scream and yell and boil with rage about the world we live in, to live while struggling just to live another day, just to get our medicine and just to be happy for a single moment in the endless misery and torture that we are subjected to as trans folk.Then i want to relish in that i am not alone. That theres people like her that feel the same things i am, that have similar experiences to me and to cry even more knowing that im not alone. That i had never been alone but just didnt realize it from how isolated i felt from my community