Sorry, you can't poop because AWS is down
Lemmy Shitpost
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On "X the everything app":
User AryanRebirth1488 from Indonesia just took a gigantic shit into the toilet. Hey, go to the toilet and take a shit more often! This was posted from an X-crete, Elon Musk's newest venture into bathroom products.
I have great news for you.
I thought I was in the target audience until I found it requires a paid subscription to tell my friends I just pooped.
Just send them a text, with optional picture
that seems less optional
edit: update:

Why even bother with fingerprints anymore, when they now have colon prints?
No, you can't borrow my phone.
This thing auto posting my poops on every social media platform would be the only reason I would even consider it.

Ratemypoo website was quite a trip back in the early 2000s
For effective shitposting, right?
It needs the most advanced AI and direct access to LinkedIn to reach maximum efficiency. No prompting required and all cookies allowed. I want all 1049 partners to get an instantaneous feed from my butthole.
Let me guess: this is all requiring cloud services.
Of course! That health data won't sell itself.
(The device costs 600$, and to actually get access to your data you then have to pay at least 7$ per month in subscription)
Because now you need an app to know if you have diarrhea
True, but also it would be cool if you could know what microbiome specifically lives in your poop but I'm not sure that's possible with cameras or similar technology
Mmm yes I love companies collecting poop biometrics about me
What if it collected the waste into some kind of chamber with a built-in microscope (combined with a window so you don't touch the shit), so that you could have a look at it yourself, as a little science project? Fun for the whole family!
13 years ago The Verge constantly hyping "The Quantified Self" has resulted in this.
Skeets & toots ahoy!
does it photo the tip of the dick and balls dangling dangerously close to the piss and shit water?
Perhaps it can give you a warning about that in the app. "Warning: Dingdong too long, offspring fountains in danger"
Who doesn't want their Instagram followers to know about their UTI before they do?