Chapotraphouse

This Straight Facts comment could potentially get someone deported. I guess? All laws are fake - by manner of selective enforcement- they are just getting more and more fake.

maybe one of them will be funny

>Novice necromancer submits a spell to the DM.
>DM "its poorly written but whatever. You can use it”
>As is the nature of a fucking weirdo the necromancer goes off by himself to perform his d*********
>A successful summoning
>Roll to control it
>fail
>The Jimmy Kimmel sorcerer summoned an additional Jimmy Kimmel sorcerer minion.
>Nervouslaughter.jpg by everyone at the table.
>Roll to banish
>another fail
>each of the Jimmy Kimmels then summon another Jimmy Kimmel, 1 per Kimmel.
>Necromancer “oh god, this is getting bad...'m gonna need some help”
>party is in an inn across the way
>necromancer runs for help.
>DM runs the calculations
>in the time it took for him to get the party from the inn the Kimmels have reproduced
>There are now over 16000 Jimmy Kimmels and they’ continuing to multiply exponentially
>"oh god...”
>"Tha...That's too many late night hosts guys, we need a high level NPC!”
>"DM, how many more Jimmy Kimmels can be created?”
>DM - "According to the spell submitted by Drenokan, there's no limit
>"FUCK!"
>The party bails from the town. The screams of the townsfolk can be heard in the
distance as the Jimmy Kimmels continue to multiply. Everyone smacks Drenokan in the back of the head as they go
>As they run a tower of Jimmy Kimmels emerges from the horizon as the dawn breaks.
>Party arrives at a port town as a wave of Kimmels builds in the forest behind
 them, Kimmels now tumbling over one another summoning more Kimmels as they fall
 as Kimmels summoning Kimmels summoning Kimmels summoning Kimmels summon yet more Kimmels
>"welll take a boat and just head off to another continent, problem solved guys. let's get out of here”
>DM's narration is perfect
>"As the boat departs Jimmy Kimmels are just beginning to tumble onto the
docks. The panicked screams of the townsfolk generate an eerie melody as a
precession of percussion drifts through the air. An untold ‘number of late night
hosts clattering together herald the end of Swiftwater, the small port town at the western edge of the continent of Edhyak. Edhyak, known for it's bustling cities and vibrant merchant commerce
was thus buried beneath a mountain of Kimmels. In the coming hours millions die in this chuckleopolpyise, their bodies merely acting as a foundation for yet more bodies to follow”
>Mackleroy, a merchant character in the party is livid. He's real big into world building and he'd spent a month with the DM developing this place and it basically became a barren bone wasteland in a matter of 6 or 7 tums,
>Mackleroy “Okay, can we restart already? This is getting stupid”
>DM "No, Not until we finish the story.”
> Boat is filled with weeping people lamenting their forsaken homes. Mackleroy is considering tossing Drenokan overboard. Other party members are actually trying to critically think things through "How can we stem this tide of undead?" "mayhaps we can draw them into the void
>captain of ship calls out "Gods alive! Protect us! Thar be Jimmys headn our way!”
>DM narrates further “In the distance a wave of late night hosts roll across the horizon cutting the sea in twain. The rattle of their bodies has become a deafening roar. The ship breaks out into a panic. People are screaming, crying, jumping overboard; complete pandemonium. The boat gets swept up in this Kimmel tide. Kimmels appear from thin air tumbling onto the boat as they do.
>The party is fighting off Jimmys on the boat in a sea of Jimmys
>The wave of Kimmels gradually continues to overtake the boat and soon the boat itself is adrift in this sea of Kimmels. Party takes tums fighting off the Kimmels. Frantically making saving rolls that never hit 20 for some kind of divine intervention. At one point our sorcerer tries to reason them "PLEASE, STAHP. NO MORE!"
>nothing
>DM intervenes "There are countless Jimmy Kimmels now. Even if you could cut down one million with a single swing you'd never be able to overtake their ability to reproduce. This continues for a while longer and then...they reach a critical mass. The weight of the Kimmels becomes so great that their combined mass crushes the innermost portions of the planet. The generation of gravity from the Kimmels’ ever increasing mass sucks them into a void of density instantly Killing anyone left on the planet who wasn't already dead...or a late night host. This starts a chain reaction with fuels the creation of a new star. A star born of death. The cries of many are lost to a burning blaze in the aether. Some say you can still hear the subtle hiss of a PA system echoing around this star.

Tongue in cheek. This short campaign is affectionately referred to in our group as "Jimmy Kimmel's wild ride”

each one has it's own unique coat pattern

Destiny was too oafish to only clip together the moments where he briefly looked competent at least to his own sycophants, like Kirk used to do?

You don't have to hand it to him, but it does take a pair of brass ones to tempt fate like this.

Think this is an adhd thing but I’m absolutely mashing the skip dialogue button in my head when I get the jist of what the person is talking about

based and fuck this shit pilled