i'm making a list and checking it twice, if you don't sign up i'm not gonna be nice. sign up to make a damn mega

if you have a preferred week please tell me

nemmybun (9/8 - 9/14)
Eco* (9/15 - 9/21)
Disaster_of_Passion* (9/22 - 9/28)
Carcharodonna* (9/29 - 10/5)
sodium_nitride* (10/6 - 10/12)
peanutbuttercupola* (10/13 - 10/19)
oscardejarjayes* (10/20 - 10/26)
Wmill (10/27 - 11/2)
Shaleesh* (11/3 - 11/9)
Alisu (11/10 - 11/6)

peanutbuttercupola* (12/29 - 1/4)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

Recent conversations with my mum (who is mostly cool): I understand you're a woman but why when you were younger you were interested in [perfectly normal activity that is in fact a cliche that autistic trans women enjoy it so much] or [toxically masculine compensation that brought me no joy].

Yes mum I still love trains, no I don't do misogyny anymore.

Yooo a small child came up to me in the dollar store for a first bump before she ran off , kid knew how cool I was/am

::: spoiler sad about the state of things and how people treat us (cw mention of violence, sex)

Last week my friend got hatecrimed (shes ok, a couple of her friends have concussions, thats about it). Then today some guy tried to solicit sex from me (while i was wearing a rather queer outfit and shoes that added 10cm to my 193cm height, i thought i looked like a femme who could stomp your head in) and when i ignored him he followed me and drove slowly after me, drove around the block multiple times to follow me and keep talking to me, when i stopped for a cig outside my apt he was suddenly there driving from the opposite direction (meaning he either knows where i live or he guessed i was gonna stop there or he quickly circled around to head me off). It was midday, broad daylight.

Im just sad. Frustrated. My neighborhood is safe. Except it isnt. My world is fine. Except it isnt. Just a fucked reminder that even in queer-safe/friendly neighborhoods, cis men feel entitled to my body, entitled to buy sex from me.

And my friend! She doesnt feel safe anywhere now! She deserves better than that! I deserve better than that, than this.

This just sucks.

I love my Cis Italian girl friends. I was telling one of them how the best thing about transition was every woman I met being nice to me.

Then I corrected "well 9 out of 10 women" and immediately she was like "who are the 1 out of 10? Do I know them?" (While looking around the function) like she was ready to start a fight then and there.

Okay, new mega so I'll post my things now:

Looks like the move is official, I was waiting to post until it was signed but they're telling my younger siblings later and wouldn't if we weren't actually moving since they aren't expecting one of them to take it well. So that's obviously pretty cool, I'm a bit worried about getting a job again and reintergrating that way but it shouldn't be a huge deal. Hope there's good facilities there. Very hopeful I'll be able to get some good experience and build my (very pathetic) resume a bit over this next year.

Bad news, my irl friend feels like she's getting more and more distant. Hasn't sent me anything in a week, yes I've messaged. I just feel so sad. If it's real and I'm not just being over sensitive to rejection it's definitely because I asked for her to use my name and pronouns. She never did and just awkwardly apologized. I knew this would happen. Why did I delude myself into thinking she might be cool about it. Six years.. Basically my only irl friend... Idk if anyone else from work is interested in being friends outside of work. Fuck I'm alone

up with trans

Today is the day I decided 5 years ago to socially transition! Never looked back, best decision of my life. I hadn't even started HRT yet

waking up in the morning fucking stinks. why did we all collectively decide this was ok? because of some farmers?

being a woman is so fucking wack. i spent like 20 minutes the other day carefully picking out an outfit just to meet up with my grandfather to grab lunch at carl's Jr. and got totally overdressed and then i got to work later and there's just some guy there who looked at cargo shorts and a t shirt that said "deez nuts" on it and called it a fit

Guess who's workplace replaced men's and women's signs with "male" and "female" 🥰

I got called ma'am in a drive through! Sometimes the little wins feel so large.

I can't pick between men and women. I'm gonna have to be in a thruple to get one of each. But what if my partners were also bi? The man of the relationship would only have 2 girls, so we need to add an extra man, and be in a 4-couple.

It would be mathematically perfect. I can see no flaws. 4 is not too many relationship dynamics to keep track of either.

The power set of 4 is 16. That means that there are 16 possible subsets you can make out of 4 people. So you can get a group of 3 people, or 2 people, and each such group can have its own unique dynamic.

But 4 of those subsets are just the individuals themselves. And one of those sets is the empty set. So really there are 11 possible distinct dynamics.

If you want to know how many of those possible dynamics involve you personally (in a 4-couple), it is the powerset of 3, minus 1 (the empty set). The powerset of 3 gives every group that doesn't contain you in it. So you can have a unique dynamic with each of these groups. This number turns out to be 7.

I believe that is just at the cusp of what a person can handle. 7 is not too many dynamics.

With 5 people on the other hand, the same formula gives 26 whole dynamics for everyone! And 15 of them involve you! It's too many dynamics. Most of them will just end up being copies of one another, or unexplored.

BTW, to get the powerset of a number, just take 2^number. Also, this is all based on what I think is reasonable about what a person can handle. Not to mention, that not every poss

HRT appointment set up

I'm off the DIY

I have insurance now.... Now i just have to conquor my executive function to be able to get on the list for bottom surgery... And get laser... And electro for my downstairs... And laser on my legs if i can afford it... Oh and i need a job still. So maybe none of this is even possible... Maybe stim meds are the first step...

An older lady at work told me she loves my hair cut (I just haven't gotten it cut in over a year and it's just long now, past my shoulders).

Last week I told my therapist I thought I might actually have a chance at being hot one day... after deliberating for a moment she says "I didn't want to say anything before you did but honestly you're kind of a babe" and it felt SO SO SO WONDERFUL, legitimately the most elation I can remember feeling in years. And I rode that high for a few days but now I'm back to being wary about how I look.

My friend and her roommate are gonna help me with makeup soon, maybe that'll work as another hopium injection if it looks good. still terrified that I'm gonna look in the mirror and see a man in makeup though

down with cis

smelly farters in the stinks

Journal posting

The need to be someone's extremely cuddly gf

Feeling sad that when someone brings up that transphobia, homophobia, queerphobia are not chill, we get accused of being wreckers, I feel like we will always be at the periphery of any political movement.

I don't want to start a struggle session, I just want to vent.

After being in a pile of naked trans people over the weekend, I now have COVID

Round #2 of coming out to my sister

Still the same reaction of "I thought I knew pretty much everything about you but I didn't really see this coming" and "I don't mean to invalidate you but are you sure this is what you want? There are so many other things that go into identity than just gender", now with the added bonus of "if you're pursuing this medically you should tell dad and [our brother] before you 'get too far along'"

I would soooo much rather she do the "okay, whatever" approach. Would be infinitely better than the handwringing "☝️🤓 of course it's your decision and you're valid but you should think about this!!!"

I've approached a fork in my life where I either become avoidant towards all relationships or set some really firm boundaries and actually stand up for myself. Both lead to zero friends probably.

After checking the syllabus for my master's, why the hell will even be charged for 2 years of tuition? My 2nd year consists entirely of internships and a research projection. They are charging me tuition to provide the university with labor? Is this a joke?

Todo list: super fucking long, full of easy things that i want to do because theyre fun, and completely doable.

Me however, ill be in my bed thinking about how fun doing all that stuff would be instead of doing it

been full of very heterosexual thoughts recently and idk what to think about that. idk, i always feel guitly somehow for being "too straight" like somehow I'm not allowed to be a straight trans woman and that "straight" actually means I'm just bi with a mild male preference usually? idk. i've felt hung up on this for many many months because all my IRL friends are poly transbians and I'm out here being the monogamous for boys bitch and I feel super weird about it and idk why i can't just say "i like men" and feel like I won't get judged for it

I'm pretty sure me picking up a battle standard and leading a charge against an enemy shield wall would fix my depression

When you lie about peak/trough (which is always okay) but your levels are still so good your doctors doesn't want to increase your dose.

i didn't know you could just... change the pic after posting

my transition is about a year and a half old now

i still never learned how to do my makeup

I looooove how soft my skin is

This tree picture rules. The gnarly old tree, the trans sky. Hell yeah.

I find the topic of people's children so deeply uninteresting, yet I'm in a meeting where everyone is sharing stories about children. It's really like some people lose their entire identity over time and that's all they talk about 😐

I really blame this more on cishet stuff than anything tbh. You see this loss of identity sometimes with long term couples too and I don't really see that as much with queer people. Vast generalisations, but these are my irl experiences. I can't imagine not wanting to have my own time and do my own things. I appreciate that my partner and I both value that :3

we're supposed to be in the friggin future and yet the only way I can turn my tablet off with my phone is throwing one at the other and breaking them both smdh

The trans agenda today is obtain oreos.