Hot take, if shit and broken glass is one of the options my waiter offers me I’m gonna have some fucking questions about any alternative options

If they've got a platter of shit as an option, their chicken is going to be an E. coli risk.

The rational response is to say "I'm not hungry."

the plane is bombing Gaza

"the chicken is stuffed with butter and then braised in the blood of a hundred thousand conscripts maimed and slaughtered to ensure europe is forever dependent on american natural gas supplies," the flight attendant says. "it's chicken kyiv. it comes with your choice of geno-side."

Reply to your friend: "So genocide is an edible meal to you? Its something that you find palatable? An acceptable option?"

I wouldn't eat from a food service where shit with broken glass was on the menu.

Then you take a closer look at the chicken and turns out the thing is rotten, also full of glass and completely unsafe for consumption, so not any better than the other option, you'd be just as sick either way. And so, you logically decide to not take either of these option and after looking the rest of the cart up and down you settle on a bag of peanuts sitting in a compartment bellow the main 2 options, not the best but at least it's actually comestible.

But before you can grab the bag of peanuts the passenger just in front grab your arm to stop you. The man has a costume vest, shirt and necktie on top, a baggy pant maintained by strings of bad quality fabric and white socks in flip-flops, your eyes briefly settle on the pins on his fedora, you notice the oh too familiar one displaying a smiling chicken with a shit eating grin full of human teethes and growl mentally in annoyance as the man stare you down with a smug look off superiority and disdain and begin telling you the same thing these types all says every single time:

"You can't take the peanuts you fool! You need to take the chicken!"

You roll your eyes not even bothering to hide your annoyance this time.

"It's rotten and full of glass shards, I can't eat that"

"Yeah but at least it is actual food unlike the platter of shit with broken glass. Or would you rather have more airline companies serve crap with shards of glass? Because that's what you're encouraging by buying peanuts!"

"How the heck does taking peanuts encour-"

"THAT'S JUST HOW 2 DISHES TRAYS WORKS, DON'T QUESTION IT AND CHOOSE STRATEGICALLY IF YOU DON'T WANT EVERY SINGLE DISH TO BE REPLACED WITH LITERAL SHIT!!"

"Even if that was somehow true, rotten chicken isn't any better."

"HOW DARE YOU SAY IT'S NOT BETTER?! HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THESE SCARY SHARDS OF GLASS? AND BESIDE I'M SURE THAT THE GLASS SHARDS IN THAT SHIT ARE MORE SHARP THAN THOSE IN THE CHICKEN AND YOU TOTALLY CAN DIGEST ROTTEN CHICKEN UNLIKE SHIT I'VE READ IT SOMEWHERE WHICH MEANS -"

Here you go, another fool to berate you all flight for daring not wanting to experience food poisoning. This flight is gonna be a long one.

The desperate need to always make analogies just to defend Biden is something else. Analogies should only be used if they add something to make understanding the subject easier. But it also assumes the other side is not intelligent enough to understand the subject in the first place.

You wouldn't use analogies to explain the newest Quantum mechanics to Einstein. You could use them to introduce them to a person with a poor math/physics background maybe. But at the end you wouldn't assume the person who "kind of gets it" through an analogy to actualy come out knowing about said topic. You teach an analogy to a kid to help, you don't make the analogy the entire subject and replace the actual topic.

So yeah, all these dipshits using analogies are just saying "hey you pathetic manchild that doesn't understand how democracy is supposed to work, here let me dumb it down for you all why you need to vote for my candidate. So imagine a restaurant menu..."

What do they expect? A bow and a thank you mr democrat asshole I understand democracy now and will proceed to vote for the person you just told me to. The only response should rather be a punch in their face.

the chicken is also covered in shit and stuffed with broken glass, but the liberals keep insisting that it's the better choice because there's still some chicken in there. somewhere

You think it's silly to choose between two bad things?

Well what if it was a good thing vs a bad thing!?

Checkmate, lefties.

not shown in this metaphor: everyone around you who got the chicken is shitting their pants waiting for the bathroom, which is coincidentally where they're getting the shit for the other meal from

Libs are fucking hopeless they just keep moving goalposts

Every election cycle liberals pull out the obnoxious food analogies.

"Hillary is like a hamburger and Trump is like a big stinky poo turd. I know some of you wanted pizza but they don't serve pizza so it's either the hamburger or the smelly poo big poopy turd of shit poop!!!!"

Well since , I'm not gonna request either dish.

Then you ask did any of the glass get in the chicken as well and they tell you yes and so you choose to obviously not eat anything on the plane because they're serving shit with glass in it

genocide joe kills thousands of kids

genocide joe brain melts on stage

Tells about priorities alright

except the chicken is stuffed with shit and glass

they only differ in presentation

Why would I eat anything from a place serving people feces?

You choose the chicken without a critical thought

You receive salmonella.

Imagine being on an airplane that's boarding. It's an unusual airliner. It only has one pilot. The pilot's name is Biden. Before you got on board - you happened to sit next to him for an hour in the airport. And you watched him and he was just like he was on the debate stage. It would be cause for worry and you'd want off that plane. The meal would be the least of your worries.

How is the chicken cooked? With a marinade of shit and glass obviously!

I'm Vegan, fuck both options I'll eat when I get off the plane.

I look down at my "chicken" and find that it is a platter of shit with rusty nails in it

Once you notice how these lib columnist assholes only ever articulate their terrible ideas as castle-in-the-sky hypotheticals because reality is too dicey, you never unsee it. The Freidman Special.

In this metaphor we are Vegan.

It shouldn't be surprising this is what David Sedaris' political analysis is like but it's still disappointing

I’m not hungry, thank you.

I'm not undecided though. I've firmly decided I'm not hungry.