Ask Lemmy

If you're autistic, look between the eyes while talking.

"never leave a room empty-handed" if you are leaving a room look around for something that doesn't below to that room take it with you and just move it somewhere close where it's supposed to be, eventually it's going to find it's place.

Better, there's an entire book of them. "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" (DBT) calls them "skills", but they could just as easily be called psychological cheat codes or lifehacks.

Two minute rule. If you can do it in two minutes, just do it.

When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.

I can be pretty direct (I'm Dutch lol what can I say), so I've learned to follow it up with something like "is that OK?" or "does that sound good to you?"

Be kind to your future self.

Helps me when I feel like procrastinating or overworking.

If you're overthinking or worried about something you can't control, other than something like planning for contingency, all that overthinking is pointless. Worse than pointless, since it adds stress and anxiety. There's usually zero real benefit.

It takes practice, but being able to say to yourself "well, I'll deal with that when it happens. No point in worrying about that now, " helps keep you out of the doom loop.

Kindness and understanding first and foremost, always. But when dealing with uppity assholes in a situation where you are right, first remind yourself that nearly all adults are just faking it to get by, then start making direct eye contact, make every statement crisp, concise, and do not use any "partial" words {words like guess, sort of, possibly, might be, probably, etc) and when you've said what needs to be said stop talking, keep making eye contact, and focus on the idea that there is no other way than the way you just said. Don't be hostile, don't be insulting, smug, or anything other than resolute. Never break that silence first.

Most of the time, that will get you through, either by convincing everyone else that the issue is ended, or if any of these people are that rare adult who legit has their shit together, they will either move things along or engage you directly to work out a solution.

Confidence is one of the rare things that if you lie about it really well, it becomes truth.

This isn't some alpha thing, it's about removing unnecessary doubt. Sometimes that's more dangerous/costly/wasteful than anything else.

If you want a clear answer/decision for something (instead of "whatever", "don't care") give two alternatives, the other simply has to choose one. If you only give one, the other might feel pressured/manipulated.

When working security / event safety and I’d have to request a member of the public stop doing something I’d speak to them and then I’d disconnect my ears while maintaining eye contact - I just nod along to the pair of bumping gums opposite me until they stop. Then I’d repeat what had to be said. Most times things got resolved.

Go to therapy and work on yourself deliberately for years and years. It works. I was super messed up and hateful and angry and I would never have believed that I could love myself, but I do.

I know "cheat code" implies quick or easy or both and this isn't either one, but it's life changing if you do it.

Not techniques I use personally, but different forms of manipulation that one could (but shouldn't) use. You should look out for:

1. Informing someone of a fact that is different than what the recipient actually experienced. If they question it, tell them they just forgot it. This works best on people who don't write stuff down (like a diary).
2. Giving someone a gift out of nowhere. To most people, this gives them the feeling that they owe you.
3. Helping someone frequently to the point where they start relying on you. (See previous point)

A few manipulation techniques that should not be used. If you see someone doing these things, assume they have an ulterior motive.

If you look a little angry all the time nobody guesses that you're actually stoned as balls.

Just tell yourself you're not going to lift heavy/are going to lift light. When you don't have the motivation (or whatever) to go to the gym, tell yourself this. Like, "I'm not going to work too hard. It'll be easy." Works a treat. Then even if you end up doing that (which is unlikely - I always end up getting in the mood hehe) then at least you did something and kept the momentum.

Edit to say: The hardest lift is getting off the couch.

I used to do a lot of driving for work and it's important to manage stress in traffic. Whenever someone would do something that aggravated me, I'd pretend that they did it for some silly reason and it helped me stay calm.

Someone cut you off? They must have have to shit so bad. Someone driving crazy fast? They're trying to get to their wife before their girlfriend does.

When you're kind to people or simply are polite, they help you.

I do method acting, like "in this next scene I am going to play an extrovert who enjoys making small talk at professional conferences with potential customers and employers"

Cleaning when I feel bad. Getting rid of physical things is a substitute for getting rid of mental things. Clean outside = clean(er) inside.

Whenever someone is doing, or is about to do, something stupid, simply say out loud what they're doing, and ask what they want to happen.

1. When I have a thought I don't want, i hum a little tune

2. When I feel bad about something happening right now I remind myself that no feeling is forever, everything is temporary, there's always a tomorrow

3. When I feel bad about something that happened in the past I remind myself that happened to me, that I transcended it, and it doesn't define me, but allowed me to make better choices in future

4. I swapped alcohol and soda for seltzer

Any_Austin is a youtuber and pilot who uses a pilot's checklist

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IMSAFE

In his everyday life to help him understand why he's feeling bad or grumpy. He talked about it in his podcast with Memoria.