More than the acts themselves, this also means they're now potentially hiring people dumb enough to admit to the federal government that they engaged in these acts
this post was submitted on 29 Aug 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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No that's the kind of person you want. Someone who is unblackmailable. Someone who will casually admit what you should be their deepest darkest secrets.
Honestly I've a feeling this reveals more that the FBI can glean whatever evidence they need about people easily and already knew about this stuff beforehand
They're asked while under polygraph examination. They can't fool them by denying it without extensive training to fool those machines.
i've never tried it but i read somewhere that all you have to do is dig your nails into your palm really hard during the calibration process. polygraph is snake oil for a lot of reasons but one of them is that there's a lot of ways to make yourself sweat a little.
The polygraph is pseudoscience. It had no basis in reality
The inspector detector factory seems to have forgotten that these guidelines aren't some woke moral judgment, they're meant to minimize the chances of getting agents blackmailed or honeypotted.
The FBI is full of Mormons because they happen to be the most boring, rule-following, straight laced people around. They don't need to be trained to be boring, because they already come boring. This kind of person happens to be the best kind of Federal agent, not the other way around.
But sure, get all your compromised agents, I'm sure organized crime won't use that information at all.
"Well, Fat Tony - you're going away for a long time. A long time."
"Nah. You're gonna release me."
"How you figure?"
"If you don't - my guys are going put photos of you on the net. Emailed to your family and relatives too. You with a goat. With a sheep. With a horse. With—"
"Fuck."
"Take off my handcuffs - farmer john."
i get the feeling that's not how it's gonna go. are you familiar with the story about sukarno?
But sure, get all your compromised agents, I'm sure organized crime won't use that information at all.
Organized crime is starting to use that information with this very announcement!
I don't like the implication that organized crime would be able to use this new information against the FBI. That would require they aren't already fully intertwined and I am not willing to accept that
Nah i think organized crime gets in bed with other alphabet agencies.
Organized crime is extremely well integrated into the DEA, ATF, and CBP.
Trump even went as far as disbanding OCDETF because it was impacting "his guys" in those agencies.
Do they have so many convicted animal fuckers applying that they will significantly increase the hiring pool, or is the relentless professionalism of the convicted animal fuckers making all of them must hires?
Where are all the 
hogs in ICE going to go when the party stops?
hopefully 
sexual war crimes
they're hoping to get ex-IDF material
There's gonna be some intense office cliques between the mormons and animal fuckers. America will digest this by making it a sit-com. 2 seasons on netflix.
Aaarrggh god damn it, Jim! He put my dog dildo in jelly again!
“We are losing too many qualified candidates to the rigors of the requirements from yesteryear,” Patel said in a July interview with former agent John Nantz cited by the outlet.
Agent John Nonce
Well they did say they wanted governmental institutions to not be woke any more
This seems like the kind of rule change they made for a specific person.
"I swear he's just like Sherlock Holmes! Just don't ask him what he does on the weekends"
guys you're all missing the important part. The important part is that this related to people who engaged in bestiality before the age of 18.
Edit: Also that archive link doesn't seem to work.
Boys will be eeww.
That makes it more horrifying
The US is so cooked 
I mean, as far as intimidation tactics go bringing out agent goatfucker is a pretty strong move for good cop/bad cop. He just sits down and shows you a diffrent angle of Mr. Hands video that no one knows about and politely asks if you have any new information to add
Can we take a moment to admire that headline. Just, wow
Bluesky
I'm very curious what their internal definition of bestiality is. I say this because practically no one has engaged in bestiality (hopefully). I can't imagine that, by the dictionary definition, it would increase their potential employee pool by very much. Are they including furries? Bronies? Both? Was I previously excluded cause I opened e621 before? Just doesn't make sense to me.
~~For the former, no one should ever be penalized for going into sex work. That is just nonsense.~~ I skimmed because I'm a dummy sometimes. Ignore this.
It's not if you were a prostitute (Although that would likely also be a thing) it's if you hired a prostitute. At least that's what the article says
Thank you for giving me clarification on that part. I skimmed it specifically for the bestiality part and skipped over that. Thank you.
The bestiality part is the more in your face part of the headline.
I dunno, I heard of cops doing it with a pig once. I remember responding "pigs fucking pigs" and getting dogpiled by respectability-politics BS for calling cops pigs.
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Is Kash telling on himself?
Genuinely surprised he wanted his name attached to this story
I can understand them loosening the requirements on prostitution: If my choices are to removed myself out body and soul to the most desperately pathetic and vile filth in the world, or have consensual sex for money, I'm going to choose the latter every time.
As for beastiality, well I always thought the FBI were fucking animals.
No no, it's about soliciting sex for money and bestiality committed before the agent turned 18.
The beastiality rule change is a carve out for time traveling Hittites who wish to join the FBI.
I would've thought stuff like beastiality was a borderline requirement. Much better to have blackmail or a smear campaign ready to go if one of your agents goes rogue. That might just be for their assets though.
This is great news for 