based and capitalism-pilled
this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2026
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Honestly, changing your name on the resume to be the same as the CEO's last name might actually work.
When it's time to actually do the HR paperwork, tell them the CEO's name is the name you go by, but your real name is your legal name. Act extremely offended if they question this.
And when the CEO walks into the room to verify, look them dead in the eye with a "Hi, absent dad" look.
Hit them right in the tiny latent guilt-ridden side of their brain. When they ask you who your mother was, tilt your head up slightly and smile wanly whilst narrowing your eyes at them. Maintain until the second on-the-spot promotion.
Bonus points if the ceo is the same age, or younger than you.
Tilt your head to the side and nod knowingly at them. It will both bolster and flatter their egomanic tendencies that they either will have figured out timetravel or that they think that you think that they are capable of it.
Bank teller: Sir, none of these checks have the same last name, and none of them are yours. I've called the fraud department.
Gotta work on that mindset. Just get a job at the bank and cash them yourself
We don't tell the customer when we call the fraud department. That said in this case we would be calling the police via keywords.
5 minute response time so I'll play a game of needing each check to have a manual review of history to sign it over to them.
Don't be too serious. I mean, could you imagine filling out all the employment and tax forms for like 200,000 jobs? Lol
Direct deposit all checks. I think the biggest problem would be having to sit through 214,000 hr onboarding sessions.
Applied to 22,454 jobs a day. That's impressive and realistic!
Don't forget to use Claude it's the most important step.
Dario A.
Reminds me of ShlinkedIn. I should log in there again…