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One time I was at a grocery store and they sold out of a particular drink I liked.
A manager was standing nearby and I asked when they would restock it.
"Never." He said. "It always sells out and I don't want to constantly order and restock it, so I'm not going to get more."
Reminds me of the story of the warehouseman who refused to give someone the last of an item in the warehouse because that would mean they'd be out of stock.
Ah. There's a reasons for that, as told to me by a supply sergeant in the military. A lot of suppliers had a BEL (Basic Equipment List), which says all stock must have a minimum and a maximum of XYZ in order to meet government spec. Some large items, like diesel generators, have a BEL minimum of 2, but also because of their size and storage complexity, have a maximum of 2. So it order to get a new one, you must get rid of one of the old ones. But if you get rid of the old one, you are below minimum BEL, and could fail inspection or an inventory check, if it takes a while to get a new one. Large items don't always "hang around," but they get manufactured on demand, so the only way to get a new one is to be without one for a very long period of time. Thus, you risk failing inspection. The best way to avoid that is to keep two and never order any.
Military logic.
On top of that, everything is ordered by article number. So it happened on a boat that they needed two replacement bolts for the engine. The engineer wrote the order, and the captain signed it and sent it to HQ.
They were informed the order would take (a long time). When they finally got the word that the order was in, they were astonished that two heavy load trucks were waiting for them. Each containing a turbine nearly as big as their boat. Which had nearly the same inventory number as the bolts. With two digits switched.
Reminds me of my buddy’s story from his time as a warehouse manager for Blockbuster (yeah, we’re old…) Blockbuster’s management did loss prevention and breakage based on item count, not item value. If a new hire shoved a $30 DVD down their pants and walked out with it every week, corporate wouldn’t care. After all, it was only 1 DVD each week. And 1 is an acceptably low number. But if that same hire shoved a $5 box of 100 pencils down their pants, corporate would lose their fucking minds. Because each pencil was counted as 1 item, so they were suddenly 100 items short.
It was sort of an open secret in the warehouse that if you were going to steal something, you should only go for the high value shit. And only do it if nobody else had already done so recently. So if the system said you had 5 in stock and there were 5 in the bin, it was open season. Because as long as you only stole one of them, corporate wouldn’t care. But if you pocketed a dozen 50¢ “impulse buy next to the register” toys, loss prevention would be patting people down as they clocked out.
seems like a funny joke tbh
Which would have been funny. They didn't ever restock the drink, though.
That's how Dylan Moran runs his bookstore in Black Books.
Paraquoting off the top of my head: "Customers?? Who wanted to buy something???? What the hell do you treat them nicely for?!" ... "You don't get it; Paying customers who get what they want means books get sold. Which means you have to restock them and deal with additional customers!"
Trickle down economics.
You don't get it though! If you just let the absolute greediest people in the world keep all their profit then they'll definitely share with you!
I actually had a coworker say a few months ago that he's a Regan Republican because he believed in trickle down economics... I literally said "really man? And how many more decades of being wrong do you need before you realize it still doesn't work, is five decades enough?" To which he didn't have a reply...
We won't tax the rich more, coz they are gonna leave if we do.
Seattle just passed a millionaires tax. Howard Schultz, the old Starbucks CEO, made a big stink of it and moved away.
Thing is, Howard Schultz is universally reviled in Seattle. Even corporate shills agree that he fucking sucks.
Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly.
"Please listen carefully as our menu items have changed."
"Call volume is higher than normal"
The fuck it is. If anytime I call is 'higher than normal', change what your "normal" baseline is or stop lying to me.
I’ve mentioned this one before, but it’s worth retelling.
I briefly knew a guy, absolute hick ass trailer trash, who said a large number of incredibly dumb things to me, but this one stands out. He once told me that Southern Baptist was the one true religion, because, and this is a direct quote, “His name is John the Baptist, not John the Catholic!”
And for him that was a QED moment.
Dumbest motherfucker I’ve ever encountered.
I was at a trailer park party once as a non-white person in the south.
Apropos of nothing, I was approached by probably the skinniest human on the planet. Like, he was so skinny you couldn't tell if you were looking directly at his bones, or if his skin was actually a paper thin covering over his bones. He was so skinny, he could have performed in some sort of advertisement explaining how the price of a cup of coffee could to help feed the starving southerners.
As I was scanning my periphery to see if I could identify the Necromancer that was animating this creature, this person told me, of their own volition, that in church they had learned that white people were made by God and therefore had souls and black people evolved from monkeys and therefore did not have souls.
In his mind, this was a way of reconciling the truth of evolution with the faith of his church.
He had no idea that he had just lobbed the most racist thought that I had ever been exposed to in my entire life at me.
This is second hand from a friend, but he said he overheard a conversation between 2 coworkers:
Person A: looks like you got some sun this weekend
Person B (badly sunburned): Yeah, I just bought a convertible and did a lot of driving with the top down. I figured that the wind would stop me from getting sunburned, but I guess it wasn't cold enough
Person A: That's... not how that works
Somebody once told me they don't read recreationally because authors are lazy for making readers do all the work of imagining what their story looks like. He was completely sincere, and actually became agitated at the idea of people reading anything beyond manuals or mandatory sorts of things.
I've already told that story but anyway: a relative told me that the GDPR was a conspiracy from Europe to destroy the European internet (why? why not!)
So that guy literally deleted his own web site (full of old stuff, it was a big project) so that... he would not be forced to delete his own web site by the big bad Europe.
He is also anti-vax, and allergic to Wifi and Bluetooth... except when he is in our house filled with Wifi and Bluetooth (but we have never told him, he could die!)
giving rich people more money is important for 'job creation'.
the lie that killed the middle class
I was once stopped by an elderly couple.
One side of the couple was arguing that the sun went out at night.
The other couple was arguing that the moon covered over the sun at night, and that's why we couldn't see the sun.
They asked me to clarify which one of them was correct as an independent third party, and I told them that the earth rotates, and so when you can't see the sun, it's because it's on the other side of the planet.
They both paused for a moment, looked at each other, and then looked at me and said, "oh, yeah", and that was the end of the argument.
Sounds like they were made for each other.
I‘m sure both agreed that what you said was stupid when you left 😂
I worked with this dude who i thought was pretty chill. Then one day we're talking about the future of the world and he tells me that he thinks global warming is a punishment from god coz we legalised gay people getting married in Australia. I thought he was joking and took me a few minutes to realise this guy was dead serious
A coworker of mine thinks that climate change isn't real and that believing that humans have the capability is pure hubris. And a few months after he told me that, he claimed that windmills were making tornados worse.
My father told me I shouldn't use regular table salt because "they" were mixing powdered glass in so that it would work its way through your system and embed itself in your heart muscles.
He had called me after I got high though, so I gave him the best kid glove treatment I've ever managed.
Told him that was very interesting. Explained that he could easily prove and expose the conspiracy by pouring salt into a bucket of distilled water. The salt would dissolve, but the glass would sink to the bottom. He could then filter the glass out, then boil the water off to recover the salt safely. He hasn't brought it up since.
My dad is a sweet guy and good at handyman stuff, but dear lord, almost nothing higher level. I truly think it's the lead exposure.
"Monkeys are brown because they eat bananas. You know how flamingos turn pink because they eat shrimp? Well monkeys eat bananas and bananas turn brown" -two dead ass serious girls I met
"People didn't use crossbows when trying to siege a castle because the bolts fly in a straight line, so they fly over castle walls" -college history professor, about to be surprised gravity existed in the middle ages
When the first Covid vaccine came out a coworker told me she wouldn't get it. Supposedly the vaccine had "killed 90% of the population in Bulgaria already". I told her I thought we'd have heard about it if that was the case, but she was convinced that the media was covering it up.
She later claimed she was deathly allergic to the vaccine, so I ask which part of it. From what I know you can react to a vaccine if you are allergic to eggs or chicken. That's a pretty common food item and it would be good to know if your coworker has such an allergy. I also asked where she keeps her epipen so I could help her in an emergency. She claimed she always left her epipen at home and that she was allergic against a lot of medication. She never mentioned any allergies again afterwards and they seemed to have mysteriously disappeared after the pandemic was over.
I knew a girl that was convinced that ~90% of planes crash...
I had to ask her "do you really think they'd keep making them if almost all of them killed people?"
Some old lady was over fir dinner and she asked me why i only eat certain things. I told her that i don't eat meat. It took some time for her to compute and fired back: but you can eat fish. I said, no, because they are animals too. You could see the gears spinning again before she said that banger: i don't think that's true, because they don't even bleed.
Any of trumps speeches.
That or the things his followers say to justify why they follow him.
Once in Kindergarten I overheard two adults talking. They were concerned about kids drinking from the same cup because of ... AIDS. That day I learned that even adults could be ignorant. I definitely knew that AIDS could only be transmitted through blood and specifically not through spit.
I didn't know about the other way but after hearing about AIDS in the news my (I think) brother assured me that it couldn't be transmitted through spit.
A teacher in highschool put this up on the screen and told us to read it to ourselves,
"Aocdcrnig to rseecrah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mttaer in waht oderr the lterets in a wrod are, the olny irpoamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rhgit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whoutit a pboerlm. Tihs is bucseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."
Then some bright light in the back of the room asked if that was actually true after fully comprehending what was in front of them.
An old boyfriends Dad never used indicators when he drove, because " they should know where I'm going"
I met a boy once who thought that a blowjob meant he'd take off all his clothes and then I'd blow on his skin ... I mean, it's subtle and probably pleasant, but most guys prefer the regular kind
Low hanging fruit, but "The next president of the United States is Donald J. Trump". And I heard that shit twice. The second time was definitely the dumber of the two, but the drop off from 2nd to 3rd dumbest thing is about as wide as the known universe. It's cartoonish in its absurdity.
But the dumbest thing I've heard personally from an individual is that unbaptised babies who die go straight to hell. I was told this by a woman who liked to preach Jesus' eternal unconditional love in my town centre. I'm atheist, but by default. Like, I didn't read my way into it or anything, I just completely lack any impulse to believe despite being made to go to Catholic mass every week for 17 years. All that's to say that I don't have particular animosity towards believers, but that kind of believer can suck a dirty dog dick.
Apart from it being insanely unfair to babies - roasting away like a rotisserie chicken without even the consciousness to know what's going on - it's also beyond evil to tell that to believers who've lost children soon after birth due to disease before they even leave the hospital, or have miscarried through no fault of their own, etc. Strangely, I never hear that argument from the anti-abortion religious fanatics. That is, "don't abort the baby, or it'll be sent straight into Satan's Big Green Egg!"
Imagine being Satan, and having a daily influx of humans too young and unformed to even walk when prodded by a demon's pitchfork. Even a supremely evil entity like he's alleged to be would have to wonder just what the fuck is going on with heavenly bureaucracy for this to be the way things are done.
I just remembered that a former coworker of mine was sure that the real 2020 election results were 80% for Trump.
I remember someone else saying that it's ridiculous how someone can be so smart and believe something so stupid. Because that's the issue: The person who made that claim is objectively a smart person, but he fell into a conspiracy hole of some sort. He was let go from his job because he could work on our clients' ships because he refused to take the "depopulation shot" (covid vaccine)
Ladies and gentlemen your 47th President of the USA....
Most, if not all things our president says and the rubes that believe it after all this time.
One of my jobs I was working next to an older man who didn't believe in climate change because "they told us dinosaurs had scales and now they're saying they have feathers!" He also once told me to fix an electrical component by "spraying WD40 on it" as if the electrons just needed some lubrication before they'd start moving again.
Both of those incidents helped me to realize who not to go to for help with that job and shortly afterwards he was let go after having an entire week with no work completed.
united states is a democracy
“The free market will come up with a solution.”
