Meanwhile me, 35 and a kissless (and girlfriendless) virgin:
this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2026
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On one hand, it's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you wish you were alone. I learned this the hard way.
On the other hand, to have companionship is wonderful. I was almost 30 before I met the love of my life. She is a VERY quiet person. To the point where it was a little unnerving at first. One day, for some reason, she mustered the courage to ask me out on a date. I didn't know how big a deal that was for her at the time. But I know from experience that dudes don't get asked out often and I was impressed. That was almost 10 years ago.
She's learned how to open up a lot more. She's still quiet, quieter than me anyway, but she can also be a lot of fun. More importantly, she's a good and honorable person, a good mom, and great wife. She's my best friend and I'm grateful that I get to share my life with her.
23 isn't particularly old at all.
If you don't want to do online dating, try doing something where you will meet other people your age.
If you don't want to do online dating, try doing something where you will meet other people your age.
What are those things? I've been trying to figure out where people meet people since I was 22. I'm 30 now and still couldn't tell you where to go to meet people.
- Plenty of people lose their virginity in the 20s and later, even if it's not talked about much. Try not to worry about it. Nobody is going to judge you. My current girlfriend and I were both older than you when we lost ours.
- Virginity is a social construct and (assuming nobody gets pregnant or a disease) you'll find that not much will change in your life once you lose it. I understand the FOMO, but being on the other side of it now I can tell you that it's not really worth having FOMO over.
- Odds are you could find somebody to have sex with if you were really truly desperate. But you're probably not that desperate, and nor should you be. Masturbation is significantly better than bad sex with some you don't care about.
- Online dating apps generally suck and aren't a great fit for most people, let alone one-size-fits-all. If you want to avoid the dating apps, I recommend finding other ways to put yourself out there and expand your social circle. Touch grass and get some hobbies. Do your best to make plutonic friends and see if that introduces you to people who you might want to ask out.
- If you have someone you want to ask out, then ask them out!! I spent too long letting shyness and fear of rejection block me from making moves, but we're much better off just going for it. Rejection isn't guaranteed, nor will it kill you if it happens.
Do not make plutonic friends, or any other trans-uranic friends for that matter. It won't be good for you.
Plutonic relationship is created by solidified molten magma, according to my geologist friends.
What about a ring of saturnic friends?
I was almost 30 when I first kissed someone, had sex, fell in love. She's the first and will hopefully be the last and I wouldn't change a thing. (Except I should have gone to therapy 10 years earlier)
Your last sentence raises some rather interesting questions...
Like what? Wishing they'd got help for their mental health earlier isn't that strange.
This can be interpreted as a complicated joke about that his mental health got so bad, that he hallucinated it all and still single and so on. His quote just needs some clarifications that will make sure he isn't joking.
I love my plutonic friends, but I'd love to have some plowtonic friends as well
Masturbation is significantly better than bad sex with some you don’t care about.
Absolutely, had to find out the hard way. I do not recommend.
Great reply all around
You're a god.
Society values a lot of shit based in sex, but you do not have to. Value yourself as you should and want sex is good nice fun and all but is not everything. It took me until 40 to stop doing that to myself.
IDK, the first time I had sex all I could think was “that’s it?”. Now I’m married and can have as much boring sex as I want 😎.
I think society puts too much emphasis on the whole virgin thing.
thats why you do a few trial rounds around the block before you commit to marriage.
that way you appreciate the mediocre a lot more after finding out how prevalent the super bad is 😎
It takes two to tango, I’m definitely half to three-quarters the reason it’s boring.
acceptance is the first step on the road to improvement
What would make it not boring?
a ball vice, an estim kit, and my teeth
Faulty electric blanket.
Have you tried turning on the grail shaped light?
Bad Zoot
Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
No, its too perilous.
- Travel to a place where prostitution is legal
- hire and/or become a prostitute
- profit (possibly literally)
spoiler
Seriously though, sex is overrated, as is virginity. Hell, iirc most focus on virginity was basically just invented to be another way for the church to hate/punish women for no reason and an excuse for priests to look up women’s skirts, so it’s a stupid concept to begin with
sex is overrated
Yo speak for yourself
*the importance of getting laid is overstated
Is that better?
Is Lemmy at the point of creepy dude capacity that I should wish RIP to your inbox?
Hey baby, wanna be disappointed?
Pretty sure the nuns are boinking each other (in the butt)
That's god's hole
Step 1 is probably to put yourself into situations where it's socially acceptable to approach you.
Did you even try to follow the D.E.N.N.I.S. system?
Whats dennis?
Dennis nuts in your mouth? Actually I don't think that's it...
Expand on that?
You want me to demonstrate my value by explaining this tried-and-true system to you?
No don't
Sauce on the pic?
Wait should I supposed to be suffer in silence?
I'm 32 and a virgin by choice, and I don't get why being a virgin is seen like such a bad or difficult thing.
You don't know what you're missing. It's not bad that you're a virgin, it's just that you will wish you would have started having sex sooner as soon as you finally have it. Why wait that long to have so much fun with someone? The sooner to start, the more you practice, the better you get at it and can find out what your kinks are, read your partner better, discover new things. It is truly a beautiful thing and I wish it to everyone to enjoy it as much as possible. And next to it being beautiful, it's also healthy. For men, it's recommended to ejaculate at least once a week to lower the chance of prostate cancer. And all the hormones, feromones, dopanimes, endorphins and raised heart rate are healthy to the body and mind.
They could be asexual as well.
Otherwise, I agree that it's best to start collecting experience earlier rather than later. 30 year old me has half the stamina of 20 year old me, but can satisfy partners with a much better success rate. And at the end of the day, the best part about sex is making your partner feel good.
But that doesn't mean one should have sex just to have sex. Only one of my partners has been a meaningless one night stand I wasn't even attracted to, every other one I've had some kind of feelings for.
But that doesn't mean one should have sex just to have sex. Only one of my partners has been a meaningless one night stand I wasn't even attracted to, every other one I've had some kind of feelings for.
I agree. I can't have sex with someone if I don't have a connection with that person.
And at the end of the day, the best part about sex is making your partner feel good.
That truly is the absolute best part of it. Getting an orgasm is easy, just use your hand. Giving an orgasm however, is so much more satisfying. Knowing what you're doing is really important. Otherwise you get into your head and struggle with insecurities instead of being in the moment. Or at least that's what I experienced when I was young.
They could be asexual as well.
That's not a choice.
Could seem like a choice to them. Plus I think ace is also a bit of a spectrum.
Fair point.