When I was an alcoholic I diagnosed myself with lactose intolerance. I’d have the Gatling Shits and wonder ‘Hmm was it the 14 tallboy cans of beer last night or the half liter of milk I had for lunch? Must have been the milk.’

There was a cheapo Japanese restaurant downtown. Plastic everything. Went there for lunch a while back. Worst Bento box ever.

Six months later. Hmm, Bento box sounds good. Go to this Japanese restaurant. Halfway through the awful meal, remember I'd been there! Swore never to go back. Again.

This cycle repeated SIX times.

What broke it was the whole building burning to the ground because of a grease fire.

Point is... hmm... Bento for lunch sounds good.

OMG I did the same thing at a local pub. Thinking steak sandwich. Ordered one up. Pretty good! Went home, went to bed. Three hours later - gurgle - glorp - oh shit! The rest of the night it was coming out both ends. Feel fine after some sleep. Forget all about it. Three weeks later, at the same pub. Thinking steak sandwich again. Pretty good! Went home, went to bed. Sure enough, three hours later, lather, rinse, repeat. Feel fine after some sleep. Forget all about it. Three weeks later, go to the same pub. Thinking steak sandwich again, third time's the charm, right? My face when the pub had a sign up saying it was closed down for health code violations :/ To be fair, it was a good sandwich.

It’s fun to watch people self-diagnose food allergies.

It's a shame that this is a re-post: I would like to know if the culprit was the tuna or the house sauce.

You mean the tuna and the house sauce weren't the two variables this guy tried isolating first?

He literally tried removing rice and all the vegetables before thinking "hmm, maybe it's the tuna or the sauce."

What a loon. He deserves every one of those awful shits.

Pretty sure he's forgetting the constant variable, where x equals the times the cook uses the porta potty divided by the times he does not wash his hands.

(i.e division by zero = butthole undefined, or maybe infinite diarrhea).

It's one of them.

Flawed assumption. It could be both. You'll need to eat there at least two more times to find out, assuming each trial yields 100% certainty.

~~Edit: I thought it should be obvious that we're taking them absolutely at their word that they've properly isolated these two variables because this experiment exists inside a joke and never happened. The whole point of the joke is that the methodology is god awful and completely unrealistic, so questioning that they've truly isolated the variables is pointless.~~

Edit 2: Wait, I totally misread the experiment setup. @TheYojimbo@lemmy.world is entirely correct that they've eliminated nothing if the experiment is totally defined by 8 bowls and 8 bouts of diarrhea. They're still converging on at least one cause, but there could still be others. My career is ruined.

Fun fact: This is not actually much different from the process of testing which foods trigger your IBS. After keeping the low FODMAPs diet, wherein you initially remove all possible triggers, you then test them one by one to see which ones you have specifically.

Could also be the owner that never washes his hands.

On the off chance this isn't just a joke and never happened, in theory they had to have eaten the exact same dish each time, but requested removal of a single ingredient, and are now down to the last two eliminations?

The only problem with this method being they're going in with the assumption that a single ingredient is causing the issue, when it could be multiple or all of the ingredients - or even a result of poor hygiene from the person preparing these pokes.

dude I've def ate food I loved the taste of but knew it was gonna make me shit liquid fire.

And that's why I came into the office drinking a bottle of house sauce.

This guy. Taking the bullet for all of us. A true scientist.

i thought my beer had expired one night because i had a terrible time on the toilet at 4am but i totally forgot i ate an entire wedge of blue cheese earlier