He can't even make cars anymore. You can't make this shit up!
this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2026
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I never noticed this before, but does that thing explode a water bottle when the hand gets put down, like before it even falls? That seems like a dangerous amount of force/pressure to apply without any failsafes or anything.
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:live-bazinga-bot-reaction:
At least you can't get trapped inside a robot while you burn to death.
Florida Man was found dead under a MuskBot after excessive lube during apparent sex act attempt with it caused a short and fire.
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I know this won’t affect the stock price (which will keep pumping anyway), but who’s going to buy the robots? There’ll be some enthusiasts sure, but most people actually need cars and will take out a loan to get these. The people that actually need these robots (assuming they even worked in the first place) would be people that need help around the house, and realistically most of them can’t afford this thing. So do we see a repeat of the parking lots filled with cyber trucks, but with robots instead? Or do they just give them out to influencers and con enough rich assholes into buying them to make it work (probably not gonna happen lol).
There's no way Tesla robots will ever be good enough to do anything useful like house chores or whatever. MAYBE if he sells them with a subscription and it's actually just some dude in East Asia controlling the robot. But then most people wouldn't want them because now you're paying random servants from around the world to hop into your house to serve you.
Actually as I was typing this I realized that is exactly the kind of disgusting bullshit that Tesla owners would love. "Oh yes see it's not slavery because these people get to stay in their country and their homes and make a wage to be my servant! That means I'm fueling underserved economies! I'm saving the world with my Tesla Servant! Global economics! Together Musk is lifting people out of poverty!"
Fuck these are going to be wildly successful for all the wrong reasons aren't they.
Oh yeah to be clear I don’t think they’ll work autonomously either. But you’re 100% right that all the wrong people are going to be able to pay Elon a monthly fee to have a servant from another country around the house. 
Spending $100k to buy a surveillance robot servant remotely piloted by a child in Bangladesh is simply the price one must pay to not allow a poor into one's house. If you saw the documentary Parasite, you'd know why we must take these security measures
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Humanoid robots are a scam to inflate stock prices.
for more info I'll refer to
this: A skeptic’s guide to humanoid-robot videos | MIT Technology Review
and this: The Automation Trap: What Robots Are Really Selling
just like all the other scams to inflate stock prices
if only people would remember valuation ≠ value more often 😮💨
The robots will be used for military purposes since the $1 trillion budget has to go somewhere.
idk, The Market is not looking pleased at the moment, at least in the short term.
The market will come around once Tesla announces that the robots will have a pussy.
Black Mirror episode where "Pesla" announces a sexbot but it can't nail the AI so they have to hire out of work software engineers to operate the bots with VR rigs.
The robot you've bought is actually just a guy in a costume.
That's probably something that could get some VC funding with a hip name and an app.
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pussy
Yet another subject where I have zero faith in Musk’s knowledge or experience
If we all gave ourselves the Men-In-Black mind eraser flash he’d be the first to use science and logic to re-invent guys who think the female orgasm is a myth, starting with himself.
If Musk does do sex bots, I predict the "pussy" is gonna be wrong but he will never correct it because admitting he was wrong about what a vagina looks like would be too embarrassing for his fragile ego.
"robussy" most likely
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Huge lots full of inert robots is pretty peak cyberpunk. I doubt these things could hold a gun, so I expect there'll just be a high density explosive module (with recurring subscription) and they'll use them as shock troops for riot dispersal.
Rich people import foreign workers to be their hyper-exploited social reproduction labourers. If all the foreign workers that do their social reproduction for them are being deported by ICE, they will need robots. (This assumes the robots will ever function, which they won't, or that they are intended to function someday, which they aren't)
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I was gonna say something like "I'm assuming the idea is to make them do factory work in an attempt to compete with China's robots", but that would be the smart thing to do with them, and Musk isn't one to do smart things. Indeed, reading the article it seems he just intend some 
pipe-dream about every one having robot butlers or whatever.
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Boston dynamics has been trying for like 3 decades and their shit still sucks. Elon is gonna succeed in his robotics speed run tho, no doubt.
Define "sucks"? Their stuff's pretty cool from what I've seen.
Tesla is betting on a multipurpose humanoid robots. That is the main problem here, it is difficult to make just a single robot that can do everything, instead of a line of different robots for very specific use cases.
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I’m just being hyperbolic and sarcastic.
Their robots aren't necessarily bad, but the questions are how competitive is their price and how much applications are they being bought and used for?
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Dunno about the rest of the US but California's uses car market is absolutely flooded with Model S'. I see first gen ones listed for under 10k. Compare to any other model EV of the same year and entry price and there will be able ten Teslaa per other manufacturer. That can't be because they are exceptionally high quality, long lasting vehicles.
I would be so afraid of buying a used EV and its battery just being fucked
It's easier to check battery health than engine compression nowadays
literally, an EV will tell you a range estimate based on current charge level (and include ambient/battery temperature in that estimate, maybe even recent terrain/driving behavior).
Teslas are known to lie though
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After Muskrat’s heil-spree, a lot of them went up for sale around here too. I’m not saying they aren’t garbage-built death traps either, just that there are multiple contributing factors to people wanting to be rid of their Tesla.
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"I mean, why would you ever want to actually go anywhere when you have access to unlimited illegal porn and a fuck-bot?"
(in case it's unclear, I intend this with maximum scorn and derision for Musk)
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Fucking 
There's only one Optimus. Me!
presumably other swastikars will continue production
I already wrote this on the other thread, but it's because people aren't buying the S and X. They were like 3% of Tesla sales last year. He kept them going for 10 years longer than he should have just so he could have Tesla models S, 3, X and Y.
I would love to say "please, tell me you are joking", but I am the Joker now so I know you aren't.
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The fate of the Cybertruck is unknown. Last quarter, SpaceX and xAI bought a bunch of them, but I don't think they can keep doing this forever. The battery supplier for the CT battery already wrote down their investment by 99%. Meanwhile, Tesla just keeps pretending like nothing is wrong.
I like how he’s never going to release a bipedal Jeeves robot but the news has to report on it like it’s a thing. He’s not pivoting to shit. He’s pivoting to more testosterone treatments. None of these robots are doing shit. They aren’t going to mars. He’s just going to do drugs and post about white South African genocide. Report that. At least include these verifiable facts while writing the rest of the article. Just go pluck something from the last 24 hours of his timeline, he’ll have said something stupid or odious in that time. Probably more than once so you can pick. It would be funny at least.
they've been test driving some god-awful ugly little new teslas around silicon valley for the past 4 months or so.. they look like they're straight out of cyberpunk 2077 but uglier
He's going to replace his workers with these robots. He'll have robots to make robots to make cars to sell to robots. 5d chess move. 
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