Ask Lemmy

1. That must be quite frustrating and difficult for your self esteem.

2. You may be right, but you might be putting your own insecurities on to the motivations of others. The world from other people's perspective don't always align with what we think. Could what you describe be as easily explained by something else, perhaps even your insecurity about it?

3. Have you discussed this issue with friends / family and gotten their honest thoughts? Do they agree that what you say could pose a problem?

4. Have you attempted to make yourself look older with makeup and such? Are the results the same with as without?

5. Do you have male friends you can ask if you are attractive?

6. Are there republican conventions nearby? If the men there show interest and say you're mature for your age, you may want to A. Run B. Conclude that your features may be a challenge.

7. If men don't approach and talk to you, try approaching and talking to them. Showing you're interested and available is usually a turn on. Men are simple.

Best of luck.

Why is your brand new account tagged as a bot account?

Hello, woman here. I wouldn't chalk it first hand to child like features. As long as you don't have an elbow growing from your forehead, and as long as you bathe regularly you should be alright physically. You get a pass so to speak. By all means keep doing whatever you feel is the right thing to do about your looks, but don't put all the energy there.

I'd say it's more your attitude, since you mention being socially awkward. I speak as someone who faced similar woes to yours, with the aggravant of being told to be attractive.

If you keep to yourself most people will let you be and not bother you. Guys will hit on girls they can talk to and feel comfortable talking to.

My suggestion would be join a group or activity that you enjoy. Bonus points if it is a group activity, but don't let this restrict your options. This gives you access to people with similar interests, which already breaks down the ice, and also gives you something to talk about yourself if you meet people elsewhere. It's helpful when socializing if you have something other than work and study in your life, like a hobby or a passion.

So, if you were a dude, try to grow a beard and maybe shave your head would be the advice. Aim for a "mature" clothing style is the best I can think of for a lady.

If you're interested in getting tattoos, that also signals "probably old enough to drive".

This was me. When I got married at 26, the date of one of the guests thought I was the teenaged babysitter. (We met for the first time the day before)

Dating while in school/college was easier because the guys knew I was their age. And that I just looked young. Some of them caught shit for "dating a high schooler" even though I was actually in my 20s and a college student.

I was friends with my now husband for three years before we got married. Making friends with people, making a connection, can help them see you as the adult you are. Then you start to look like someone they'd want to date. I was 23 when we met and became friends, we started dating over a year later. Dated for 2 years and married ever since.

Things are different now, as far as meeting people. I know that. But how people perceptions change is still the same. Sometimes you have to just let people get to know you and get past the initial "She's young" until they realize you are not that young.

Once someone knows you, they'll think of you as their peer, even if you look young (or old for that matter)

If you just want hookups, that's trickier. Because the easy pickings are um, questionable in their tastes when you look like a teenager. Or they are the teenagers. Just be careful if you go that route.

Oh, and I was an A cup, size 2 petite. So skinny and short on top of looking young. I also got mistaken for a boy if my hair was pulled back.

Learning to love my body and it's changes through the years, boosting my self-esteem, finding things I could be passionate about... those things are very attractive to others because those things make you feel better about yourself.

I can't give you any practical advice but I can tell you that I'm in a similar boat where I'm constantly assumed to be about 10-15 years younger than I am. Sounds like exactly what the stereotypical woman wants, right? It sucks ass.

Some years ago my (then bf and now) husband and I were in a bookshop to get some manga and they had a variety of promotional gifts they were handing out. He got a lighter. The salesperson then throws a look in my direction while already grabbing a thing for me, does a very short double-take, and hands me a cute fan with some generic manga motives on it, all the while slight confusion on her face. She clearly had thought I was his daughter and only had second thoughts after looking at me more closely. Probably didn't help that he had paid. He's all of 18 months older than me btw.

We still laugh about it. But really, it's annoying because people underestimate you and your life experience. I get told that I'm still so very young, I have time to figure out my shit, and I honestly never know how to react.

Btw, my husband and I met on the internet. Not a dating thing but on a forum that we both happened to use.

It is a toupee fallacy to claim that bait/fake posts are always so easy to spot, but this is definitely a toupee here.

Edit: Damn, people are seriously responding to this. I thought it couldn't be more obvious.

Is there anything you can do to make yourself look your age? Makeup, clothing, push-up bra, etc? Maybe go to age restricted locations (for example, in the U.S. there are some bars that require patrons to be at least 18/21 and they check ID’s at the door to verify)?

Try talking to them, keep a conversation going long enough they'll realize they're talking to an adult. Talking and making connections is the most important thing.

This problem sounds so stupid and absurd, but that's what I'm dealing with...

It does not. You're feeling lonely, desexualized, maybe ostracized - that is tough, it sucks and it's not stupid. Those feelings are valid and you're suffering because of those feelings. When people say that their problems or their suffering isn't worth mentioning or it's minuscule I always counter that you can drown in an ocean or drown in a puddle, it doesn't matter, your suffering is real. And when you say you're feeling lonely - that is always serious, loneliness can be such a deep and heavy feeling that it's hard to overstate.

not very pretty

If that's you in your profile picture I would disagree, your eyes are stunningly beautiful. And if not I would still disagree without having ever seen you.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, people are attracted to different things and sometimes people think some things about you are attractive that you don't even know or think about.

I am sincerely convinced that this is the main reason why men have never approached me. I'm also quite socially awkward

We men are simple, but people in general are complicated. I may be that your young looks are a factor, it may even be a substantial factor, but it surely isn't the only.

Men are self conscious too, especially younger men. Approaching someone romantically can be super intimidating and even if you can work up the courage, you still have to make your interest clear, I can't count how often I was able to initiate contact but still failed miserably to convey my romantic intentions. And just because I don't act or look shy when interacting with you doesn't mean I am not terrified on the inside.

Your looks are only a part of who you are, looking very young might be a limiting factor for first contact in settings like bars or bigger social events but those are hook up situations and from what I'm reading from you I think it's not what you need or want necessarily. You want to feel desired, but you also want to feel yourself. You want to feel less lonely. Those are things a hook up won't fix, at least not lasting, trust me.

Like others mentioned, go out, meet new people, make friends, that will give you more self confidence and you will learn what is desirable about you, physically but also in your character. And once you've learned what is desirable and attractive or even admirable about you it will come easier, you learn how to play to.your strengths, what social setting suits you the best, how you make yourself approachable and most importantly - you'll learn to love yourself for who you are and you will be happy with yourself.

I promise you, you won't feel that way forever. You're not there yet, but one day you will. It might not be tomorrow or next week, but it will come sooner or later. Hang in there stranger <3

Leonardo DiCaprio has entered the chat

1. Visible tattoos. Have to be off legal age to get a tattoo, right?

2. Talk to them. Even if it's awkward, it's practice.

Guys are probably just as socially awkward as you. Maybe get in situations where you can have conversations with a group containing guys. They'll soon pick up you're an adult from how you talk, and you can see if you like each other as people, not just on looks.

First of all you may be right or wrong about the reason. But you can't really change looking young (other than by sitting around and waiting, which is not very fun). So you'll get a lot of mileage by coming to terms with what you look like. For your own peace of mind if nothing else.

You can artificially change your looks to a limited degree with makeup. I'm no expert.

Are you putting yourself into positions where it's socially acceptable and/or easy for men to approach you? Are you looking like you want to be approached? Headphones on while reading in the library makes me think you'll want me dead if I say hi. Near me at the table at a social gathering it's rude of me not to introduce myself and attempt some small talk (as long as you're not talking to your friends already).

Just pluck up the courage to hit on guys... 80% of men will find that in of itself attractive, especially the more shy ones. As another comment said, men are fucking simple.

A lot of the people here gave great advices, but i wanna add a comment. Based on my experiences with the women in my life, most (if not all sometimes) insecurities stem from projection. Which is sadly a problem that amplifies itself.

It's not an easy mentality to overcome though but i find knowing this fact, and thinking about it whenever your brain gets all those bad thoughts, can be a good defence. At least it makes it easier to try or start to overcome your insecurities.

Good luck :)

You didn't speak much about body composition: Have you considered going to the gym? Adding a few pounds (of muscle) never hurts anyone and it give you a few curves, I.e. a bigger bottom (width and depth) and a more pronounced waist (to hip ratio). Also, being in shape generally livens up your skin, giving you a more vibrant appearance. Also, it has to the potential to increase your self confidence.

Please tell me that you don’t also wear adult braces or frequently put your hair in pigtails

It sounds like youre being limited by your self perception. That's okay. We all are in some way, especially at your age.

The first thing you need to do is turn your intuition inwards. You've put a lot of thought into how others see you but that energy be better spent exploring how you see yourself.

Your judgement of yourself is the most constant presence in your life. Others may come and go. Some may think you look child like, some may disagree vehemently. What's most important is how you see yourself.

The goal is to adjust your perception a little less towards how you look and a little more towards how you feel, because the latter is as if not more important in connecting with another person.

People can tell when a person is feeling confident / secure or scared / vulnerable. It's possible to connect with others in many different states of mind but easier to in the former.

I've met many different men and women in my life. The ones that find it easiest to find companionship are those that feel good about themselves and in some way feel good about the world. The first step is to look within, find what you love about yourself and let that be your window into everything.