261

They get to the bottom of whether chess against a grandmaster could be won with remote-controlled sex toys

all 44 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] HubertManne@kbin.social 66 points 7 months ago

I mean no study is really conclusive without reproducibility. I should probably study it as well.

[-] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 24 points 7 months ago

A single person is too small a sample size really. I'll join your study

[-] HubertManne@kbin.social 12 points 7 months ago
[-] lobut@lemmy.ca 11 points 7 months ago

Fine. Fine. You talked me into it.

No, no, I'm already set with the equipment.

[-] Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago

I too will join you in this Quest to further truth and understanding.

[-] Mirrorgiraffe@kbin.social 9 points 7 months ago

Relevant username

[-] HubertManne@kbin.social 9 points 7 months ago

ok but just so you know the average chess game consists of approximately 40 moves, but one game ended in a draw after 269 moves and lasted 20 hours and 15 minutes.

[-] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 59 points 7 months ago

Do yourself a favor and watch the video. However funny you think it is, it's better.

[-] Kalkaline@leminal.space 25 points 7 months ago
[-] nyahlathotep@sh.itjust.works 10 points 7 months ago

watch in a private window

[-] GissaMittJobb@lemmy.ml 6 points 7 months ago

Use piped, then.

[-] Piemanding@sh.itjust.works 2 points 7 months ago

You can also delete it from your history.

[-] RubberElectrons@lemmy.world 48 points 7 months ago

I don't care who you are, this shit is genuine cyberpunk comedy.

[-] BobbyNevada@discuss.tchncs.de 47 points 7 months ago

It's all fun and games, until you have to explain to a person you are playing chess with, that you just orgasmed because of the vibrating butt plug, you are using to cheat at said chess match.

[-] PoastRotato@lemmy.world 31 points 7 months ago

Is that better or worse than explaining that you just orgasmed because you just love playing chess?

[-] Plopp@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago

Yes, yes, YES!

[-] Zehzin@lemmy.world 29 points 7 months ago

"If you don't nut during the match you aren't fit to be a grandmaster." (Anatoly Karpov)

[-] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 37 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I mean, they have vibrating but plugs, that can be controlled remotely by an app. Each move would be instructed with 2 number pairs. Each pair represents a square on the board- normally they’re identified by letters running left to right (from white’s perspective,) a-h, and a number 1-8 (white’s home row is 1).

The first pair is the starting position, the second pair is the final position, so you pulse out four numbers with a pause between them, and that communicates the move.

The person with the remote app (that can be used across the internet, for the record,) watched a live feed and plugs in the move an opponent makes, and reports back the chess ai’s move.

Bzzt-bzzt—bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-bzzt—bzzt-bzzt-bzzt—bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-

Would instruct a move from the pawn in E2 to move to e3,

Just a guess; though, these guys just wanted to shove a vibrator up their ass… no judgment.

[-] YerbaYerba@lemm.ee 13 points 7 months ago

If you had a pitch perfect butt, you could pulse different frequencies to make the transmission faster. Ideally 8 tones, so just 4 pulses each time.

[-] Wrench@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago
[-] Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 6 points 7 months ago
[-] CookieOfFortune@lemmy.world 10 points 7 months ago

You only need one buzz: This position is good or this position is bad. That’s all a top level player needs.

[-] someguy3@lemmy.ca 9 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

E2 to E3 would be (I'm changing the numbers to just count out the buzzes to make it easier. E is one short buzz.):

Buzz. Buzz buzz.

Buzz. Buzz buzz buzz.

(Now imagine the old notation "King's Bishop takes Queen's Knight")

[-] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

for the record, it's not any formal notation. but the board is a grid of 8x8. I should have put it as 5x buzzes for 'e', and 2x' buzzes for 2, but, uh, y'all get the idea. (so my sample is actually 2e to 3e, but details)

there's actually no need from a move-calling perspective to identify what is on that square, or what's on the square that's being taken. There might be for tournament rules in chess, though, since the scorecard is a record of play for things. I'm just pointing out the technical feasibility of it.

[-] someguy3@lemmy.ca 2 points 7 months ago

I have no idea what you're saying. The letter E in Morse is one short buzz.

The old way to denote moves didn't use the grid notation. It called the pieces "King's Bishop" and "to" or "takes" then describes the piece being taken. The joke is imagine typing that out in morse code, instead of the much shorter letter and number.

[-] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I have no idea what you’re saying. The letter E in Morse is one short buzz.

I'm not using morse. I'm using a direct encoding of numbers to letters. basically its a coordinate system- 2,5 - 3,5.

[-] JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works 1 points 7 months ago

You also wouldn't need to give every move. The difference between a grandmaster and a super grand master might just be a few moves. You could just indicate which piece to move and the player could infer the rest. Or just indicate whether to take or not.

[-] jopepa@lemmy.world 19 points 7 months ago

Light the Piped Bot Signal

[-] Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 15 points 7 months ago
[-] Scribbd@feddit.nl 8 points 7 months ago

Something about hobbits to Isengard.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=AqqQ-xNAcCw

[-] dimeslime@lemmy.ca 16 points 7 months ago

It's Always Sunny had an episode like this. Now I know it's based on a real story. How rare.

[-] KairuByte@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 7 months ago

I’m surprised you hadn’t heard of it, it was pretty widely published as one might guess from the topic.

[-] dimeslime@lemmy.ca 1 points 7 months ago

I probably had, but I also probably erased it with some beer later. These days I only know and retain YAML.

[-] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 13 points 7 months ago

AnarchyChess approves.

[-] Akasazh@feddit.nl 10 points 7 months ago

What if they just played the match in a Faraday cage? That should effectively block any signals afaik.

[-] Maalus@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

People will find other ways to cheat. You can't really prepare for everything. That's why a buttplug remote control was in the news. Some years ago, one chess player was accused of hiding a chess engine in her lipstick, since she used it a lot as a tick.

[-] scytale@lemm.ee 10 points 7 months ago

Lmao I love how his first major worry was not putting the vibrator in his ass, but if it's safe to keep it in there for an entire chess match.

[-] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 9 points 7 months ago

Look I'm traditionally of the argument that societal degradation narratives are overblown, but the fact that videos where people shove things up their own ass seem to be getting more common every year is a pretty good point in favor of them.

[-] havid_dume@lemmy.ml 5 points 7 months ago

Some Scandinavian journalists did the same thing last year at the time of the scandal as well.

[-] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 7 months ago

I feel like this is a plot for a hentai doujin in the making.

this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2023
261 points (95.5% liked)

Not The Onion

10992 readers
1193 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS