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submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by kescusay@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

We've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.

So just a little refresher. Posts should be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.

If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:

  • "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
  • "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
  • "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
  • "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
  • ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths

See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.

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submitted 15 hours ago by half@lemy.lol to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by Linkerbaan@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Israeli prime minister Binyamin Netanyahu said any Gaza ceasefire deal must allow Israel to resume fighting until its objectives are met.

“Any deal will allow Israel to return and fight until all the goals of the war are achieved,” Mr Netanyahu said in a statement on Sunday.

Hamas has dropped a key demand that Israel first commit to a permanent ceasefire before it would sign an agreement. Instead, it said it would allow negotiations to achieve that throughout the six-week first phase, a Hamas source said on Saturday.

But Mr Netanyahu said he insisted the deal must not prevent Israel from resuming fighting until its war objectives are met.

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“SiegedSec account suspended,” vio wrote. “this current account will be used as a backup until a new one is set up :3.”

The entire article is worth reading for once.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/24720114

SiegedSec, a collective of self-proclaimed “gay furry hackers,” has claimed credit for breaching online databases of the Heritage Foundation, the conservative think tank that spearheaded the rightwing Project 2025 playbook. On Wednesday, as part of string of hacks aimed at organizations that oppose trans rights, SiegedSec released a cache of Heritage Foundation material.

In a post to Telegram announcing the hack, SiegedSec called Project 2025 “an authoritarian Christian nationalist plan to reform the United States government.” The attack was part of the group’s #OpTransRights campaign, which recently targeted rightwing media outlet Real America’s Voice, the Hillsong megachurch, and a Minnesota pastor.

In his foreword to the Project 2025 manifesto, the Heritage Foundation’s president, Kevin Roberts, rails against “the toxic normalization of transgenderism” and “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology.” The playbook’s other contributors call on “the next conservative administration” to roll back certain policies, including allowing trans people to serve in the military.

“We’re strongly against Project 2025 and everything the Heritage Foundation stands for,” one of SiegedSec’s leaders, who goes by the handle vio, told The Intercept.

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cross-posted from: https://discuss.tchncs.de/post/18602528

It's a bit old but the shape and the city name were so funny that I couldn't not post it XD

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cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/14359573

A bow-tie wearing duck has been injured in a drunken pub brawl with a local dog in Chulmleigh, Devon.

The booze-loving bird, affectionately named Star, was enjoying a pint in The Old Courthouse Inn with his handler, Barrie Hayman, when Hayman's canine Meggie sparked a bar brawl.

Star was left with injuries to his beak after the fight.

"Star pushed his luck too far and Meggie snapped - splitting Star's bottom beak right down the middle," Hayman, 69, told the Cheddar Valley Gazette.

"He gave her a stare, then promptly stood on her back. It was not pretty and not nice. We were so scared we would lose Star.

...

Hayman has cared for Star ever since he was a chick, carrying him around in his pocket. Once the duckling grew up, he developed a taste for real ale and started following his owner to the pub.

"He just won't leave me and so we go everywhere together," Hayman said. "I've not trained him to follow me. He just seems to like it and he is one fantastic duck.

"He loves to come to the pub, where everyone loves him. He is such a personality and attracts so much attention."

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According to The New York Post, citing a report by The Telegraph, n sword that is regarded as France's "Excalibur" has vanished from its stone. Per the publication, locals in the French town of Rocamadour believed the sword, Durandal, had been lodged in rock for around 1,300 years. A main attraction for the town, the sword could be found stuck in a sheer rock wall about 100 feet off the ground

Authorities in France are working to determine how the sword was taken from the 100 foot sheer rock face.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/24380086

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Aatube@kbin.melroy.org to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

WARWICKSHIRE, ENGLAND—Bray claimed that the sword was a “fidget” – something to keep his hands busy. He had bought it online as a fidget toy. On 8 June 2024, officers were made aware through CCTV operators of a man – Anthony Bray – walking down Queens Road, Nuneaton with something in his hand. Bray approached officers with the item in his hand visible, at which point he was arrested as he was carrying a bladed article.

Officers tried to explain to Bray that, despite its intended purpose, it was in fact a sharply pointed item which could be used as a weapon and might put others in fear of it being used against them.

In addition to the four months in prison, Bray is required to pay a victims’ surcharge of £154.

Sgt Spellman of the Patrol Investigations Unit said “We take a zero tolerance to bladed articles in public, and Bray has fallen afoul of this.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2024/07/03/zelda-master-sword-gets-man-4-months-prison-time-but-theres-more-to-the-story/:

What’s missing from every report about this I could find, and what is so crucial to understanding this story, however is that Anthony Bray is a repeat offender with a long rap sheet and numerous prison sentences, several of which were for burglary including serial burglary. In 2011, Bray was convicted and sentenced to four years in prison after getting “three strikes” for burgling residences. But his run-ins with the law go back to 1989 and he was in court numerous times throughout the 90s as well.

The last wrinkle to this story is the very real problem with knife violence in the UK. Warwickshire is in the Midlands where knife violence is higher than any other region, higher even than in London. There were 5,234 knife offenses in the region in 2023 alone including a number of murders. Perhaps it is through this lens that we should view the arrest and prison sentence of Anthony Bray.

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cross-posted from: https://feddit.org/post/445597

A ban on politicians lying will be brought in before the 2026 Senedd [the Welsh parliament] elections, the Welsh government has promised.

Counsel General Mick Antoniw [...] promised that the law would disqualify Senedd politicians and candidates found guilty of deliberate deception from being a Member of the Senedd (MS). [...] It is not yet clear whether the proposed law would make lying a criminal offence or a civil sanction. [...] Mr. Antoniw said it was a "matter that goes to the heart of everyone".

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Crossposted from !worldnews@lemmit.online

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Not The Onion

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We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

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  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
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