Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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This isn't the first time the Trump administration has used video games to promote its political ideologies. Following the recent escalation of the United States and Israel's joint military campaign against Iran, the White House has taken to X to share a video promoting its ongoing operations. In addition to real footage from recent attacks, the video includes a killstreak animation from 2023's Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.

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Tennessee the hateful, bigoted government handout state.

Rodriguez has said she left Colombia after receiving death threats for her coverage of crime in the region, according to a statement from the National Association of Hispanic Journalists. The association said it “denounces immigration tactics that detain journalists and any efforts to interfere with news coverage of immigration enforcement.”

Someone give Estefany Rodriguez Florez a medal already, damn.

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YA THINK?

“Corporate bullshit is a specific style of communication that uses confusing, abstract buzzwords in a functionally misleading way,” said Littrell, a postdoctoral researcher in the College of Arts and Sciences. “Unlike technical jargon, which can sometimes make office communication a little easier, corporate bullshit confuses rather than clarifies. It may sound impressive, but it is semantically empty.”

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What makes this Not The Onion to me is how normalized this story is. How did things get to this point? Would she be happy with a job that only had a 2.5 hour commute each way!? Maybe, and that is what makes it existentially funny to me.

For example, an increase in the commuting time for the average respondent by only 15 min would have to be compensated by a net wage increase of almost 12%.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0927537124001271

The analysis relies on data from the Census Bureau and the Bureau of Labor Statistics. By determining the average time people spend commuting in metro areas and the average hourly wage in those areas, the analysis calculates the dollar value of a worker's commuting time over a year.

https://www.investopedia.com/commuting-to-work-costs-employees-thousands-of-dollars-worth-of-lost-working-time-11905701

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cross-posted from: https://pawb.social/post/40739588

Florida gubernatorial candidate James Fishback says his plan to visit every Waffle House in Florida to "meet voters where they are" has been derailed.

That's because he's been banned, he said.

In a release posted to X on Thursday, March 5, Fishback shared a statement saying that "this morning, Waffle House abruptly revoked our permission, and criminally trespassed us from all of their Florida locations."

Fishback, a Republican and one of 41 current candidates to replace outgoing Gov. Ron DeSantis, said he had previously received permission from Waffle House's corporate office to visit every location in Florida to "meet voters where they are."

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To be fair it was the Fox News AI which did that, which we must note according to the AI Law is not legally liable for incorrectly representing reality and does not necessarily represent the views of any of the owners or staff at Fox News unless in cases it aligns with their objectives in which case it does. The Fox News AI can also serve jail time as it is sentient and thus legal action against illegal misrepresentation and journalistic malpractice by Fox News management can be focused on the Fox News AI leaving all other personnel free to continue to contribute to the job market while justice is being served.

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Rosenberg said he spoke privately with his wife, his daughter and other close friends before recording the message and said he “didn’t sleep last night.”

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/60211333

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Folks, CALM DOWN, this is still in the workshopping phase ok? First we bomb them, then we workshop WHY we bombed them, do you not understand the plan!?

Democrats, predictably, were apoplectic. “There was no imminent threat to the United States of America by the Iranians,” said Mark Warner, the top Democrat on the Senate intelligence committee, who had received classified briefings from Rubio. “There was a threat to Israel. If we equate a threat to Israel as the equivalent of an imminent threat to the United States, then we are in uncharted territory.”


Meanwhile somewhere below decks on the Titanic 11:45 PM (ship's time) on April 14, 1912

Well, if we were to equate the threat of icebergs to an imminent threat to our ship, then we would be in uncharted territory! - a well dressed crew member with an officer's hat calmly explains to a passenger.


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