The Bubba photos.
this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2025
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I bring him a claw bar (a train railroad spike remover).
Can't wait to use it in only 1800+ years!
A salami log.
A second baby Jesus.
I brought him a Camel, but apparently they were a Marlboro family.
a letter from the real father
He was most likely a Roman soldier who raped Mary. She doesn't want that letter and neither does her kid
The complete Sex in the City DVD collection.
Vaccines.
Come on people, do you want the son of God to get whooping cough?!
(For the record, I'm in favour of science-based medical care, including vaccines. I shouldn't have to say that. What's the world coming to?)
Booze.
A $10 charity donation in his name
To the Human Fund?
Weed, maybe a kalashnikov
I arrived well after the other wise men, sweating through my robes and wishing I’d taken a shorter route. I knelt beside the manger and laid out the lamb’s-wool scarf I’d meant to bring. It was soft, pure, perfect. Except the shearing accident had splattered it with dried blood. Mary stared. Joseph’s eyebrows climbed halfway to heaven.
“It’s prophetic symbolism,” I muttered. “You know… blood of the lamb?”
The silence was so heavy it felt like a fourth gift.
Panicking, I pulled a small winter squash from my pack and set it beside the scarf. “And this. For… later.”
The baby gurgled. I decided to take that as forgiveness.
This little drummer boy who would just NOT stop playing
Labuubuu. What the crap is a baby gonna do with some frankincense anyway?
I had some marvelous time share options to offer but after 4 hours the rubes said they'd stick to the manger. Don't they know time shares practically pay for themselves? Smh
Jacks, and a Lite Brite.
An extended car warranty. In 2000 years he'll thank me.
Hey, let's keep it baby-appropriate. I'd bring him the entire DVD box set collection of Baby Einstein videos but they'd reject my offering because DVD players & electricity didn't exist back then, and they wouldn't understand the concept of vegetating while staring at a flat surface on the wall for hours ignoring all your bodily needs & ignoring all your chores & obligations & family & all human interaction.
My mixtape
Uranium-235.
A cross necklace.
Cut out... maybe I brought something inapropriate, something not fitting the narrative. I think I am bringing a blade, meant to show decisiveness. But on top of being a weapon it was roman made. ayyyyy
Modern carpenter hand tool. Then maybe he'll become a world renowned carpenter instead of mingle with idiots that crucified him.
Numbing cream. I said it's a surprise tool that'll help him later, but no one bought it at the time. Little did they know he'd really need it at the end of his life
The means to properly document Jesus' existence so that we had even one shred of actual evidence that any of this stuff happened.
Look, I had a lot going on, so I kind of stole some flowers from someone's yard on the way, but the other wise men caught me. It's bullshit!
A .45 Colt 1911. Find out if it really is God's caliber.
Richard Dawkins “the God Delusion”
Common Sense.
That's the brother of Frankincense.
Ferytrue! ¯\(ツ)/¯
A copy of the anarchists cookbook.
Food and water, and a plush bunny. Somehow I feel that they drew the line at the food and water.
A Glock and some ammo, got thrown out when I tried to demonstrate it, apparently I distrubed the peace...
Jesus was born in Texas. He needs a hamburger.
Opium