this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2025
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Chapotraphouse

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No more gendered happy meal toys. Because of woke

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[–] Aradino@hexbear.net 39 points 1 month ago (3 children)

The ice cream machine is working but the burger machine is not

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

Burger Machine would be a cool band name and/or euphemism for the US/empire in general.

We're trapped in the belly of this burger machine, and the machine is farting to death.

[–] Commie_Chameleon@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago

I fear for the workers' lives

[–] alexei_1917@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

How could a burger place even be open if they can't serve burgers?

[–] Aradino@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] alexei_1917@hexbear.net 3 points 4 weeks ago

Considering this is in America, that actually tracks. Those people would actually go to a shitty burger restaurant even to order something else entirely.

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

By order of RFK Jr. all fast food joints which are not frying all of the items on their menu in beef tallow must fly their flags at half staff in shame to warn potential patrons of their lack of commitment to Making America Healthy Again

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago

the flags themselves are fried in tallow and that makes them too heavy to stay at the top of the pole

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

They fuckin' merked the Grimace

Just shot him with a 40mm grenade launcher, there was purple shake shit everywhere

[–] radio_free_asgarthr@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

The Hamburgler died of a heart attack.

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

ran low on rope

[–] BadTakesHaver@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Trump thinks silksong is too hard

[–] Mindfury@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago

last day of mcrib

[–] Bruja@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Seppoland president dropped his burger on the ground.

[–] Mindfury@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

oh fuck, south american coup commencing in 30 mins someone warn them

[–] Runcible@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago

the McRib is off the menu

[–] tombruzzo@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

Engine light in the F150 is on

[–] blindbunny@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 month ago

McDonalds shutdown their only store in Afghanistan in 2002

[–] Cybernoot@hexbear.net 8 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Wendy shot the Hamburglar in self-defense but Mayor McCheese is politicizing the incident for re-election.

[–] ThunderComplex@lemmy.today 8 points 4 weeks ago

The McRib recipe has been lost, all attempts to recreate it from memory have failed.

[–] wuphysics87@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 month ago

Birdie flew into a jet engine

[–] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There has been a school shooting

[–] elpaso@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

The mcondalds flag would be at half mast every day.

So yeah, wrong answer.

[–] SexUnderSocialism@hexbear.net 6 points 4 weeks ago

The last McDonald's franchise in Russia has been shut down, dealing a blow to the Burger Empire.

[–] 9to5@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

The eagle has landed. I repeat the eagle has landed

[–] redparadise@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 4 weeks ago

McDonalds hosts flags like that??

I thought that was a dystopian joke

[–] reaper_cushions@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

The Hamburglar has pulled off his biggest heist yet.

[–] blunder@hexbear.net 4 points 4 weeks ago

McDonald's has a fucking flag lmao

[–] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Mayor McCheese has been shot. I’m Walter Cronkite.

[–] D61@hexbear.net 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Mayor McCheese has died due to cardiac arrest.

[–] PurrLure@hexbear.net 4 points 4 weeks ago

There was a school shooting-

While a Ronald Mcdonald clown actor was teaching elementary kids how to eat healthy ancrap

[–] ClathrateG@hexbear.net 2 points 4 weeks ago

Zoe Hamburger leaves McDonalds UK