Jesus Christ, Lavern! : facepalm

[-] expatriado@lemmy.world 127 points 6 days ago

"I am hee hee" - Michael Jackson

[-] Magnolia_@lemmy.ca 8 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Shamona!

[-] Aarrodri@lemmy.world 9 points 6 days ago

😂😂

[-] Ste41th@lemmy.ml 7 points 6 days ago

Fuck you and take my upvote

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[-] HawlSera@lemm.ee 66 points 6 days ago

In the near-future the Bible will be banned for spreading "Socialist Values" and being "Too Woke"

[-] psud@aussie.zone 1 points 1 day ago

The churches back in the day, before Martin Luther's reforms, before the Bible could be printed in local languages, very much enjoyed their complete monopoly on the Word of God

They could say whatever they wanted

I suspect a successful ban of the Bible would give them that back.

Though it would be impossible to actually ban and all a ban could do is make the book more desirable to read. It might push people towards the online annotated, hyperlinked editions of the book such as the skeptic's annotated Bible

[-] midnight_puker@sh.itjust.works 20 points 6 days ago

Eh, I'm fine with it. The death of Christianity will be a net good for humanity, so I'll take whatever gets us closer to that.

[-] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago

All three Abrahamic religions need to die.

[-] HawlSera@lemm.ee 8 points 6 days ago

Have you seen the kinds of cultish grifts New Agers AND New Atheists alike have been on? Nature abhors a vaccuum.

Just saying I don't want the Spirit Science guy calling the shots on major holidays

[-] psud@aussie.zone 1 points 1 day ago

None of our major holidays are at all related to Abrahamic religions. Easter is still named for the ancient fertility goddess whose festival it was before it was reskinned as Christian. Christmas takes the pan-european mid winter festival and paints a star on it. The pre-christian Romans held the festival of Sol Invictus (the invincible sun) on December 25th. Christmas trees were a pre-christian tradition in and around modern Germany

There would be massive social pressure to not change holidays

[-] HawlSera@lemm.ee 1 points 21 hours ago

Wasn't the Easter = Ishtar connection debunked? The rest of that is pretty legit though

[-] psud@aussie.zone 1 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

I'm talking the link between Easter and the Celtic goddess named Eastre

Edit to add the link more about the name: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_Easter

Summary: Latin languages, their local words for Passover; Germanic language, their local name for their fertility deity — Eastre in old English, Easter now

[-] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 7 points 5 days ago

I think a school in Texas already did that to troll all of the "Christian parents caring about traditional values".

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[-] Walican132@lemmy.today 65 points 6 days ago

It’s so sad that no one has read the fucking Bible.

[-] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 42 points 6 days ago

It’s easier to thump a bible when it’s closed.

[-] Walican132@lemmy.today 8 points 6 days ago

I’ve never heard this before and I love it thanks for sharing that.

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[-] 1stQ@feddit.org 44 points 6 days ago

Would an appropriate response to these people be RTFM?

[-] zloubida@lemmy.world 28 points 6 days ago

As a progressive Christian, that's something I want to say almost everytime I read somethung written by an Evangelical.

[-] Hylactor@sopuli.xyz 16 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

I am not religious, but I have devoted a good chunk of time to reading the bible. If I can do it, someone who essentially stands to gain nothing by reading it can do it, so can and should all these greasy-ass politicians who use it as a political prop. The only thing more irksome than inflexibly, overly literal religious people, are phony religious people who don't even know what they're talking about. And then the next level of annoying beyond that is yhe voting public who allows the charade. They should be the ones pressing these politicians. "Two Corinthians" Donald? What the fuck are you talking about?

[-] psud@aussie.zone 1 points 18 hours ago

The pundits don't care what the Bible says, they like that their followers instead believe what they say the religion is about

You need the common folk to read and understand it if you want the religious leaders to lose their hold

[-] Voroxpete@sh.itjust.works 19 points 6 days ago

No, see, you can do it because you have nothing to lose. If they actually read and understand the Bible, then they have to start living according to it, and that would suck. "For I say to you it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven?" No thank you sir, that would ruin my prosperity gospel!

[-] IndiBrony@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago

To be fair to the camel, God hadn't heard of the Byford Dolphin incident yet.

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[-] Shiggles@sh.itjust.works 14 points 6 days ago

The bible’s a neat old book of parables and early concepts of morals. Like most things, the fanbase is probably the worst part.

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[-] JimVanDeventer@lemmy.world 23 points 6 days ago

Not even the Bible. Have these people seriously not heard the words him and her prior to three years ago? Do they really think they are new words?

[-] Signtist@lemm.ee 34 points 6 days ago

It's not that they haven't heard the words "him" and "her," it's that they haven't heard the word "pronoun." They don't know what it means, and think that it's something the trans community made up.

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[-] Balefirex@hexbear.net 7 points 6 days ago

Nah, fewer people should read it

[-] CatoPosting@hexbear.net 10 points 6 days ago

I mean, most Christians haven't and they still exist. The only people I know who've read the whole thing are now 1) Not religious, or 2) Actively working in a church.

[-] Z_Poster365@hexbear.net 11 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

yep once you really understand the incoherent contradictory mess in its entirety you only have two options. Accept it as flawed human writings, or double down into esoterica and live inside the contradiction. You can't really be a normie Christian at that point, since modern whitewashed christianity is so alien to the bible itself.

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[-] dgbbad@lemmy.zip 38 points 6 days ago

They must have amnesia. They forgot that I'm HIM.

[-] Yokozuna@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

Flipped a whole brick into an empire, stop playing with me.

[-] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 days ago

I was flippin' bricks for Mansa Musa back before y'all were even a type 1 civilization

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[-] Old_Yharnam@lemmy.world 29 points 6 days ago

And even if Jesus didn’t, who gives a flying fuck?

[-] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 days ago

I'm steadily approaching gender and pronoun accelerationist abolishinism. Just keep making more and more genders and pronouns until they collapse in on their own weight; all of them were fake to begin with anyway, including masculine and feminine.

At least stop putting them on standard government forms for ID and shit. The government doesn't need to know anything about my genitals or how I talk or dress (let alone any ways in which they are or are not related) for me to drive a car.

[-] HK65@sopuli.xyz 5 points 5 days ago

Yeah, I dream of having this whole debate behind us, and it will look as weird to people as having religion in our ID like they had it in the 30s looks to us now.

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[-] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 23 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

"I am He"
- Jesus
--John 18:5
---Brandon

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 9 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

"I am He"

- Jesus

--John 18:5

---Brandon

----rivalarrival@lemmy.today

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[-] over_clox@lemmy.world 21 points 6 days ago

Every time I see a bumper sticker that says "What Would Jesus Do?" or the shorter "WWJD?"...

I'm like "Well he wouldn't have drove a car for one, they didn't even exist."

[-] Rocketpoweredgorilla@lemmy.ca 56 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

He had a Honda, but didn't like to talk about it.

“For I did not speak of my own Accord” - John 12:49

My guess is it was probably slightly dinged with a coffee can muffler with a "co-exist" bumper sticker, and missing a hubcap.

[-] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 15 points 6 days ago

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[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago

So, do they not understand what pronouns are, or do they not know the Bible?

[-] hansolo@lemm.ee 6 points 5 days ago

Yes.

[-] vga@sopuli.xyz 10 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

[-] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 days ago

Not only did Jesus use pronouns, but tradition dictates that we go so far as to capitalize His pronouns.

[-] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago

That actually makes a lot of sense. Scientists believe the Big Bang created the vast majority of the universe’s helium.

[-] L0rdMathias@sh.itjust.works 7 points 6 days ago

I love a good double whoosh lmao.

Facepalm