this post was submitted on 28 Dec 2024
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Anything that makes you apply your hand to your face.

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[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 128 points 2 months ago (7 children)

"I am hee hee" - Michael Jackson

[–] Aarrodri@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

[–] Magnolia_@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)
[–] Ste41th@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 months ago

Fuck you and take my upvote

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[–] HawlSera@lemm.ee 67 points 2 months ago (10 children)

In the near-future the Bible will be banned for spreading "Socialist Values" and being "Too Woke"

[–] midnight_puker@sh.itjust.works 20 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Eh, I'm fine with it. The death of Christianity will be a net good for humanity, so I'll take whatever gets us closer to that.

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago

All three Abrahamic religions need to die.

[–] HawlSera@lemm.ee 8 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Have you seen the kinds of cultish grifts New Agers AND New Atheists alike have been on? Nature abhors a vaccuum.

Just saying I don't want the Spirit Science guy calling the shots on major holidays

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I think a school in Texas already did that to troll all of the "Christian parents caring about traditional values".

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[–] Walican132@lemmy.today 65 points 2 months ago (10 children)

It’s so sad that no one has read the fucking Bible.

[–] 1stQ@feddit.org 44 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Would an appropriate response to these people be RTFM?

[–] zloubida@lemmy.world 28 points 2 months ago (3 children)

As a progressive Christian, that's something I want to say almost everytime I read somethung written by an Evangelical.

[–] Hylactor@sopuli.xyz 16 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

I am not religious, but I have devoted a good chunk of time to reading the bible. If I can do it, someone who essentially stands to gain nothing by reading it can do it, so can and should all these greasy-ass politicians who use it as a political prop. The only thing more irksome than inflexibly, overly literal religious people, are phony religious people who don't even know what they're talking about. And then the next level of annoying beyond that is yhe voting public who allows the charade. They should be the ones pressing these politicians. "Two Corinthians" Donald? What the fuck are you talking about?

[–] Voroxpete@sh.itjust.works 20 points 2 months ago (3 children)

No, see, you can do it because you have nothing to lose. If they actually read and understand the Bible, then they have to start living according to it, and that would suck. "For I say to you it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven?" No thank you sir, that would ruin my prosperity gospel!

[–] IndiBrony@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

To be fair to the camel, God hadn't heard of the Byford Dolphin incident yet.

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[–] Shiggles@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 months ago (5 children)

The bible’s a neat old book of parables and early concepts of morals. Like most things, the fanbase is probably the worst part.

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[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 42 points 2 months ago (2 children)

It’s easier to thump a bible when it’s closed.

[–] Walican132@lemmy.today 8 points 2 months ago

I’ve never heard this before and I love it thanks for sharing that.

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[–] JimVanDeventer@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Not even the Bible. Have these people seriously not heard the words him and her prior to three years ago? Do they really think they are new words?

[–] Signtist@lemm.ee 34 points 2 months ago

It's not that they haven't heard the words "him" and "her," it's that they haven't heard the word "pronoun." They don't know what it means, and think that it's something the trans community made up.

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[–] Balefirex@hexbear.net 7 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Nah, fewer people should read it

[–] CatoPosting@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I mean, most Christians haven't and they still exist. The only people I know who've read the whole thing are now 1) Not religious, or 2) Actively working in a church.

[–] Z_Poster365@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

yep once you really understand the incoherent contradictory mess in its entirety you only have two options. Accept it as flawed human writings, or double down into esoterica and live inside the contradiction. You can't really be a normie Christian at that point, since modern whitewashed christianity is so alien to the bible itself.

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[–] alcibiades@lemm.ee 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Dude it’s probably the most important and influential text of the western world. Everyone should read just to understand how it informs our current context. Not believing the bible and urging people to not read it is a similar level of ignorance to someone who believes in it and has never read it.

[–] Balefirex@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (8 children)

This is a ridiculous claim. Reading stories about how god and the devil trick a dude into committing incest or how humans used to be 10 ft tall and live a thousand years before a divine flood wiped out all the non-believers isn't at all necessary.

It's entirely possible to have a cogent understanding of western politics without delving into the depths of the mythology. You'd be far better off spending your time reading legitimate political literature or doing irl stuff.

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[–] Fiivemacs@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Because it's a terrible fiction story book

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[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 5 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Many self proclaimed Christians have not read the Bible , and are appallingly ignorant of the bulk of it.

And when they do know the stories like the good Samaritan, they don't live it.

Wealthy Christians should not exist.

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[–] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago

I've never read it and I'm doing fine

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[–] dgbbad@lemmy.zip 38 points 2 months ago (1 children)

They must have amnesia. They forgot that I'm HIM.

[–] Yokozuna@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Flipped a whole brick into an empire, stop playing with me.

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago

I was flippin' bricks for Mansa Musa back before y'all were even a type 1 civilization

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[–] Old_Yharnam@lemmy.world 29 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And even if Jesus didn’t, who gives a flying fuck?

[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 23 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

"I am He"
- Jesus
--John 18:5
---Brandon

[–] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

"I am He"

- Jesus

--John 18:5

---Brandon

----rivalarrival@lemmy.today

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Michael Scott

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[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Every time I see a bumper sticker that says "What Would Jesus Do?" or the shorter "WWJD?"...

I'm like "Well he wouldn't have drove a car for one, they didn't even exist."

[–] Rocketpoweredgorilla@lemmy.ca 56 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

He had a Honda, but didn't like to talk about it.

β€œFor I did not speak of my own Accord” - John 12:49

My guess is it was probably slightly dinged with a coffee can muffler with a "co-exist" bumper sticker, and missing a hubcap.

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

All these people saying Jesus is my copilot or asking him to take the wheel neglect the fact that he would be a terrible driver and had like no sense of direction. Dude couldn't even stay dead right.

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[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

That actually makes a lot of sense. Scientists believe the Big Bang created the vast majority of the universe’s helium.

[–] vga@sopuli.xyz 10 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)
[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

So, do they not understand what pronouns are, or do they not know the Bible?

[–] hansolo@lemm.ee 6 points 2 months ago
[–] L0rdMathias@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 months ago

I love a good double whoosh lmao.

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 6 points 2 months ago

Jesus, John!

[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago

Not only did Jesus use pronouns, but tradition dictates that we go so far as to capitalize His pronouns.

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