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[Not the Onion] You can't have a functioning democracy when... (hexbear.net)

submitted 4 months ago by InevitableSwing@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

24 comments fedilink hide all child comments

https://xcancel.com/RobertKennedyJr/status/1811205012766245036

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[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 52 points 4 months ago

No one is gunning for you my guy.

[-] Justice@lemmygrad.ml 25 points 4 months ago

Lmfao

Talk about instilling some daddy issues in a guy

"Wh-wh-why was my daddy and uncle worthy of assassination b-b-but not m-" breaks down sobbing

The secret service or someone should definitely [parody] consider doing him [parody done] so that he can die happy and go to Kennedy Valhalla. Entrance requirement is being assassinated. Ted is unfortunately in the land of mindless souls for his honorless death. RFK Jr wants to avoid such a fate

[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 9 points 4 months ago

RFK Jr laying on the ground wheezing with a 5.56 exit wound in his back:

brainworms "F-finally... worthy... I-I'll carry on... our family legacy..." dies

[-] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 20 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Walk without rhythm so you won't attract the worm.

---

Damn it. That's not actually the joke I wanted to make. My joke - stupid as it is - it would be fedposting. And in these insane times - I could have law enforcement literally knocking on my door tomorrow.

[-] Balefirex@hexbear.net 9 points 4 months ago

illegal-to-say

[-] Justice@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 4 months ago

I have my house packed with stuffed dogs with proximity activated sound devices that emit a very real sounding dog bark.

At least I can die laughing my ass off at the firing squad mass murder of stuffed animals in my living room immediately before I also get domed

[parody, etc]

[-] happybadger@hexbear.net 10 points 4 months ago

kitty-birthday-sad

[-] CyberSyndicalist@hexbear.net 10 points 4 months ago

I dunno if you're gonna be an assassin it kinda makes sense. Do an easy assassination on an also-ran as a warmup up so you don't messup the big one like crooks. Besides what self respecting assassin doesn't have at least one Kennedy assassination under their belt?

[-] edge@hexbear.net 39 points 4 months ago

tbf he is a Kennedy

[-] barrbaric@hexbear.net 33 points 4 months ago

He's constantly at risk of his head just doing that.

[-] WeedReference420@hexbear.net 34 points 4 months ago

Lot of faith in the Secret Service's competence for a Kennedy

[-] Yor@hexbear.net 25 points 4 months ago

bro who do you think you are

[-] HexbearGPT@hexbear.net 23 points 4 months ago

secret service going to shoot him in the head to kill the brainworm

[-] trumpetnoises@hexbear.net 22 points 4 months ago

how is this guy polling at 10%? Our country is so strange.

[-] Tachanka@hexbear.net 17 points 4 months ago

dynastic name recognition. the burger soul secretly yearns for england

[-] DamarcusArt@lemmygrad.ml 14 points 4 months ago

DEFEND THE WORM. KEEP IT SECRET, KEEP IT SAFE.

[-] Coaty_Ann@hexbear.net 14 points 4 months ago

Sign my petition to have congress fund an Iron Dome™ for brain parasites

[-] SpicyLizards@reddthat.com 10 points 4 months ago

I thought the worms were cured?

[-] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 9 points 4 months ago

Also, as threats to our democracy lurk in every corner, please sign the petition to urge the White House to provide me with personal chefs and a chauffeur.