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the overwhelming majority of cis men
Most cis guys don't agonize over it or give it much thought, and sure if they were really at home with themselves theyd probably be okay with being a girl for a few hours or a day but then wanna go back to being a guy.
We have plenty of trans mascs here who have made clear they do not want to be girls. If you wanna know if everyone would choose to he a girl if they could - nope! Trans men exist!
You can try this website and see how you feel: turn-me-into-a-girl.com/
It sounds like you might be a woman. Thoughts on this?
Well it's definitely something you can actully be, if you want. Probably worth giving that some more consideration.
Most men, for what it's worth, have no particular interest in being a woman.
Theres a lot of gender stuff out there. Theres agender, nonbinary, gender fluid, trans femme but not strictly a woman, trans woman, etc.
Yes, its true! Not everyone wants to be a girl even some of the time (almost all cis and trans guys do not want that, a lot of trans men go through a lot of pain and oppression in the effort to be a man).
Did you try the website?
I did try the website and I liked it a lot. It was sweet. It's really hard to embrace and conceptualize. If I was a woman all the traits I hate about myself as a man would be positives. I could be as soft, weak, and cute as I wanted. I could feel pretty and wear pretty clothes. I could walk different and talk different and act different.
I can't understand how everyone doesn't see masculinity as horrible. I try to be as masculine as I can to fit my roll as a man and I hate it. I hate how men are. I can't imagine wanting to be like any of them. I hate being included in their group.
Why don't you try wearing pretty clothes now? It's Halloween! You could go out in a dress and makeup and no one will care.
When I still boymoded (when I was presenting as a man publicly but I had already figured out I was trans) I used to wear a bralette and panties under my clothes and painted my toe nails. You can try different sets of pronouns on this site, which ones make your heart sing? You said you liked being called a good girl.
This was me for a long time. I was a man because thats what people told me i was. I didnt feel like a man, i kept chasing social markers in the hopes that "oh if i have this social marker (e.g. a beard) then ill feel like a man". But thats not how it works. As far as i can tell, men feel like men because they are men. I wasnt a man so i didnt feel like a man. I felt like a weird not-man-but-cant-say-woman-for-some-reason thing. My gender has expanded beyond strict binary-ness, but i do enjoy womanhood and spend a lot of time being a woman.
I cant tell you youre a woman, or even that youre not a man, thats for you to decide for yourself. But i can say that the men ive talked to about this never questioned their gender, they never had sleepless nights thinking about being a girl or a woman, they didnt fantasize about being an old lady. They wanted to be men. They didnt question it because it fit for them and they enjoyed their man-ness.
As far as whether you can be a girl or not, you absolutely can. Its not something crossed off and forbidden to you, its something you can be. Society sucks and all that, but despite its protestations you can absolutely be a woman. You can be many things. You can be agender, you can be nonbinary in some flavor, you can be bigender, but above all, you can be yourself. Youre allowed to be yourself. If theres something that brings you joy and doesnt harm others then you should pursue it. If being not-a-man brings you joy, or if it alleviates pain, then you should pursue it.
It takes a shit ton of effort to focus on making other people happy, so much that it can obscure what actually makes US happy
You are mirroring my exact thought process for about 10-15 years. It’s only in the last week I’ve felt like I’m finding a goal, a future, where before I spent basically my whole life searching for people and things to distract me from the empty void. I coped by being self sacrificing and saying I was doing everything for others, but it never went away. Feel free to dm if you want to talk more
Oh hey it's my thoughts from years ago
I always assumed all boys wanted to be girls a s were just lying about it. Turns out nope, it's just us.
I've come to the conclusion that most if not all of us deal with imposter syndrome. Everything you've said in this thread is very normal thoughts for a trans person whose egg is cracking. None of them are normal cis thoughts.
Oof I feel this so much. It's gotten way better for me as I've learned to be myself more and more. Self discovery is such a beautiful albeit messy process that a lot of us never really the chance to do when most of our cis peers did. But it's never too late. And it has brought me so much joy and clarity already. I'm starting to feel like a person sometimes rather than just a walking mask!
Yup that's exactly how I used to feel. I did daydream a lot when I was younger and I allowed myself to live a second life as a girl in those daydreams. If you did something similar, it might be a good way to examine what your younger self may have wanted to experience or express. If not, actually either way, experimenting is a great idea others have brought up. Getting your nails done sounds like a fun thing to try! I understand the fear, all I can say is that each of the few times I was at a nail salon, it was just no big deal. Which I've heard so many other people say. And if you have any IRL friends or family that you feel comfortable telling that you're questioning gender stuff, maybe they'll go with you like a few did with me when I was questioning and in my early days after hatching.
In my experience, you’ll learn more from a month of experimentation than you will from years of ruminating about it. Try on clothing made for women. Try out some makeup. If your hair is short, maybe try on a wig. Even just change your pronouns on here to see how it feels. Whatever you can safely access, you should give it a try.
Follow up each session of experimentation with some reflection and self care. You’re learning to love and be patient with yourself just as much as you’re experimenting with gender.
And for reference, I didn’t fully accept I was trans until I was 2 weeks on estrogen. In a lot of ways, the doubt is built into the process.
I don't think it's something that you can really tell without quite some introspection. Seems like you're already doing that and are on the right track. Of course, no one other than you can look inside what's going on in your head.
I mean this in a good way. You are not special. Why couldn't you become a girl?
If you're trans, then transitioning will make it easier to be good at humaning.
Don't be silly, without perverts, how would people be born?
But on a serious note, being trans is hard, and doing it for a fetish is a terrible tradeoff.
Cis guys often get terrified of even appearing "girly" and mock each other for it.
There was a significant period of my life where I was trying out girly shit (ex - nail polish, lipstick, women's underwear, sex toys aimed for women, etc) and I didn't even conceive of myself as trans.
When that idea first appeared in my head, I felt shocked, even though I really shouldn't have been. I had the same thoughts as you. I thought I was simply a failure at being male so I wanted to change sides. I also feel highly dissociative and fragmented. I've felt that I've had multiple personalities, or broken pieces inside me for a long time now.
My point is, if you are trans, everything you are going through right now is expected.
My personal suggestion is to try out some stereotypically girly things. It can be anything. It could even be as simple as using she/her pronouns. Experiment a little and it might help you clear up things.
I don’t know if this makes it better or worse, but your worries are essentially word for word what I went through in my head over the last five years. When Covid started I used exercise to regiment my day and I hoped the ensuing physical changes would alleviate some of the stress just being in my body. It didn’t, I got “hotter” by cis man standards, but still felt disconnected and developed more harmful coping mechanisms. I’ve been scared and worried about how I’m perceived since I gained independent consciousness. Transition doesn’t instantly make you beautiful, but for many it brings comfort and confidence that is impossible to construct when living a lie. I’m not even on hormones yet, have just started experimenting with presentation and pronouns, and it already feels more natural than the suit and tie cis masculinity I was performing before.
Most people don’t have these questions and are comfortable in their AGAB. They don’t agonize over it because being a man or a woman comes naturally to them. The people in this thread have had an experience much closer to yours. Can you identify your primary fear at the moment?
This is extremely real. I started using she/her pronouns on here years ago but didn’t work up the nerve to actively take steps in my real life until a month ago, mostly out of fear of how hard it is. Even now I’ve accepted it will be months and years before I see any major changes and that the dangers are way greater for me and my partner. Being a big man is a shield. Being a big woman can be a target if people want to be assholes.
I felt so bad staying in that mode that I was drinking heavily to cope with what I now know was dysphoria. After I got sober, it became overwhelming. It hasn’t been easy telling people close to me. It’s been really hard to seek out medical treatment re hormones. But the relief I feel from picking a side in the schism is palpable, even though the only steps I’ve taken so far are mental.
Nobody here will tell you exactly how to feel. There are so many variations within the trans experience that nobody’s dysphoria will present identically. I coped with the bodily discomfort through apathy and disassociation, telling myself I didn’t particularly care about my body or clothes to avoid having to face how I really felt. ~~But~~ And also saying the phrase “I wish I had been born a girl but wasn’t” can be a pretty solid indicator that you may have a non-cis identity. Did you check out that website another user had posted?
https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/
I've gone to the site a few times now. I like how it makes me feel. It's terrifying and difficult to accept too. I've cried a lot today. It's like my whole world has been turned upside down.
Yeah it can be a little earth shattering. Luckily you’ve got at least one supportive community here. The site is just a test, like the button test, it’s not definitive, it’s more about your personal reaction to the words you’re reading, so I’m glad it resonated. It’s scary, it’s draining, it’s terrifying. Every day I bounce between excited and freaked out at what I’m doing, but I managed to book my HRT appointment today! I hope the process can bring you some comfort amid the other scary emotions
I know my comment here is 4 days late, but since you haven't had a single comment from a transmasc person (that I've seen), I figured maybe you'd like to hear from one of us.
All of your feelings about being a guy (why would anyone want that? Do most men really not want to be women? Maybe if I just double down on acting like a man I'll feel like one), all of those feelings I've had in reverse. It never made sense to me that women were happy as women, I really thought they were lying about it. I thought if only I could "perform girl" better maybe I'd actually feel like one, surely the women who are super femme are doing it just to feel more like women, right? And if I could just do the same, maybe I'd have their poise and confidence in my feminity.
Well, no. Of course not. I'm trans. I'm not a woman, and pretending to be one sucked so fucking bad. I crave a (slightly) more masculine presentation than I ever allowed myself when I thought I was a woman. And I feel so much more comfortable with myself now! I feel like I can actually be a human, actually be myself, now that I'm no longer working so very hard to pretend to be a woman.
I can't tell you you're a woman, you have to decide that for yourself, but I can tell you that there are people who would never in a million years choose to be women. There are lots of humans on earth who would be (and, for some of us, have been) deeply, deeply unhappy living as women.