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submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by cheese_greater@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

If you swallow appleseed(s)

Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria

—Mac

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[-] Maddie@sh.itjust.works 69 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

"Respect your elders"

Nah they're the ones who destroyed the economy giving free rein to corporations, set the planet on fire, and let cops run loose murdering and stealing as they please, fuck them

[-] FMT99@lemmy.world 41 points 6 months ago

Not saying you're necessarily wrong but "Fuck em" seems to be the new mantra of our society on all levels. Doesn't bode well for the future.

[-] snooggums@kbin.social 22 points 6 months ago

That is because society on all levels deserves it. We need to stop with the expectation that people in certain jobs or positions deserve respect just because of their job or position. They only deserve respect if they earn it.

If they don't earn respect, fuck em.

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[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago

It actually DOES bode well for the future.

The Boomers lived by "Fuck the future, I got mine now."

We're trying to change it to "Fuck the past, we ain't got shit."

[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

I feel like this is going to have [excellent] synergy with my boundary posts :)

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[-] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.dbzer0.com 60 points 6 months ago

"You've got to love him -- he's your brother, after all."

Yeah, he's my brother who would get angry and destroy all my things when we were young, my brother who sexually abused my youngest sibling, my brother who launched into a homophobic rant against my mom during a time when she had cancer, a brother who cheated on and verbally and physically abused his first wife, a brother who probably drove my nephew to suicide.

No, fuck him. I don't love him, and I never will.

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[-] gregorum@lemm.ee 52 points 6 months ago

“Walk it off”

— coach

No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!

[-] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago

Take a salt tablet.

[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago

Puttin' it on ice, bitches

[-] hellothere@sh.itjust.works 38 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

"If you were just more positive you'd not be complaining about being depressed all the time".

And/or

"Have you tried just being happy for once?"

[-] frogfruit@sh.itjust.works 12 points 6 months ago

Aka fake it til you make it

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[-] Steve@startrek.website 37 points 6 months ago

Anything regarding loyalty to an employer or insurance company

[-] just_change_it@lemmy.world 35 points 5 months ago

Hard work always pays off.

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[-] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 30 points 6 months ago
[-] ilmagico@lemmy.world 16 points 6 months ago

One thing that's sure to make things worse is to tell an angry person to "calm down"...

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[-] paddirn@lemmy.world 30 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

"Undercover Cops have to tell you if they're a cop," or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.

Somehow though, organized crime hasn't figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.

Also: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."

[-] Caboose12000@lemmy.world 9 points 6 months ago

that second one seems way outta left field to me, what kinda contexts is that used in?

[-] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 27 points 6 months ago
[-] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 13 points 6 months ago

A one word answer that covers so many questions.

[-] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 8 points 6 months ago
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[-] MIDItheKID@lemmy.world 25 points 5 months ago

YOLO

It's like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like... I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.

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[-] neidu2@feddit.nl 24 points 6 months ago

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet"

  • Benjamin Franklin
[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago

I thought Wayne Gretsky said that...🤔

[-] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 10 points 6 months ago

"Nope, it was Franklin" -Abraham Lincoln

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[-] HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works 23 points 5 months ago

If something bad happens, just try to forget it. You'll feel better!

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 22 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Burn your garbage. Burning garbage makes smoke that goes up into the sky and becomes stars.

[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 13 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

I wanna say its wrong but I don't know enough about star formation to dispute it?!

[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 11 points 6 months ago

Really, EVERYTHING originated from star dust, so you're just returning it to the source!

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[-] Fluffy_Ruffs@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

Smoking cigarettes will suffocate the toxins in the apple skins sitting in your stomach.

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[-] PrimarilyPrimate@lemmy.world 21 points 6 months ago

If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.

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[-] nikosey@lemmy.world 19 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one

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[-] eran_morad@lemmy.world 19 points 6 months ago
[-] Iamdanno@lemmynsfw.com 7 points 5 months ago

Do what you love for a job and you'll turn what you want to do into what you have to do.

[-] Mrkawfee@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

It's so simple. Why didn't I think of that before!

/S

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[-] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 16 points 5 months ago

"Snitches get stitches."

How do you expect conflict resolution to work?

[-] Fiivemacs@lemmy.ca 13 points 5 months ago

With stitches..

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[-] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 12 points 5 months ago

"Count your blessings."

Useless fucking platitude that's synonymous with "You aren't the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate."

See also "At least you have your health."

[-] WashedOver@lemmy.ca 11 points 6 months ago

Don't try to bullshit me, I'm a bullshit artist.

[-] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 9 points 5 months ago

If I ever told my dad, "are you shitting me?", he'd reply with, "I'd never shit you, you're my favorite turd."

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[-] TechyDad@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.

Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. I'm not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.

So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I'm 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I'm nearing 50. I likely won't have enough to retire. Maybe when I'm 80.)

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[-] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 5 months ago

I think a lot of people here misread 'favorite' as 'least favorite'

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this post was submitted on 10 Jan 2024
137 points (94.2% liked)

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