Be more selective with your matches and you'll get some. And of course, don't forget the two rules.
this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2026
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I wonder how it’s changed? I was lucky to meet my partner there 9 years ago.
And I met my partner there about 5 years ago. Might depend a bit on your age range and expectations. We were both in our late 40s at the time.
I never got to try any of these dating apps. I have been so curious about them. But I've been married longer than androids have been around so I'll never know what it's like.
I was married for 20 years and then separated. While the divorce was going through, I got on the apps. It's kind of addictive to swipe through the people, read the bios and decide on whom to approach. Then when you get a match, it's a buzz (someone finds me interesting!) and you get chatting, which can be fun, flirty, or just ordinarily pleasant. When you get to meet someone, it can be anything from instantly clicking with them through to finding them deathly boring. For women, this spectrum goes deeper into "is this safe?" territory.
For me, there was a period where a long-distance relationship that started from Tinder was opened up (mutually) and I thought that polyamory was an option for me. I had a lot of matches that I had to ask whether they'd read my profile carefully, and then decided that wasn't for them, but I had more new sexual experiences than ever before in my life, and that was exciting - I learned a lot about myself, including that I really want domesticity.
Then I found myself drifting into a new committed relationship and got off the apps, and life returned to normal, which for me was a relief - I really don't miss the excitement, because dating is a major time and energy suck, and I'd rather put that energy into one person. And the new relationship (almost 5 years now) is the best I've ever had. Low conflict, high trust, lots and lots of love.
None of these apps seem to work without google play services. I'm on de-googled lineage os with micro g, but I found Tinder can be used in the browser, so I gave it a try for a few months. Got about 1 match a week, and the majority of those were >1000 miles away.
My hobbies get me out enough. Might meet someone eventually.
I can recall one of the last times I used tinder and caved to their “pay me” prompts, those likes I got but couldn’t match on, completely disappeared once payment went through. They were plain, outright lies by the app to convince me to pay to see them.
it's a lot different if you're attractive.
i get regular matches on most every dating app. and i have never paid for it. last time I turned off my Hinge I had over 100+ matches over about 9 months.\
that said, i only went on about 6 in person dates, because the vast majority of women who are interested in me are not compatible with me and i'm not looking for casual relationships.
it's a lot different if you're attractive.
I had over 100+ matches
Found the best looking person on Lemmy.
I'm surprised nobody has made a non-shitty version just for the love of the game. It can't be that difficult. It would be objectively better if there were no algorithm whatsoever, so you don't have to even do that part.
Easy to make an app, hard to get the network effect.
That's what Alovoa is supposed to be I think. It's completely free. Never tried it, but I assume it suffers from lack of users like all similar software.
FOSS and encrypted too, nice. I'll recommend it to people if they ask. Luckily I'm married now though.
alovoa is dead afaict, and duolicious has a nazi problem.
Haha I knew it. Sucks that we live in a world where the big predatory apps have loads of users but the actual good ones have none.
Never heard of duolicious but I'll be sure to steer clear.
Honestly dating apps are dead. I found more success through hookup apps ironically. Apps that let you message before you match are ideal. Instagram is somehow not bad for this for mutuals
All of the dating apps have been bought out by Match Group and all enshittified in the exact same ways. It's essentially just one app with different wrappers, and they all cost $40/month for the "premium" mode that maybe makes them usable. (I say maybe because I've never ponied up the money.)
It's not all, but the most known and general ones. I've had a great experience with dating apps for specific lifestyles and interest. I highly recommend that, try to find something that's as specific as you can find and it'll be a good time.
All of the dating apps have been bought out by Match Group and all enshittified in the exact same ways.
I do wonder if that'd open the door to competition, if they become sufficiently undesirable. Unless they've got some way of getting an edge over any competitors.
considers
So, dating match systems are going to be subject to network effect. Their value is something like the square of the size of their userbase. That'll create a barrier to entry for any challengers. But...I don't know if the effect is as strong as with many other systems.
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I'd assume that many users are going to be looking principally for matches in their geographical area. That's going to be a smaller pool than with, say, a global system like Facebook. The value isn't O(n²) for the entire userbase of the system, but the value to any given user is something like the squares of their particular dating market.
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It sounds like the userbase is not massive, not compared to most forms of social media.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match_Group
In August 2020, amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, Match Group reported growing profit and revenue and surpassed 10 million subscribers across its portfolio.[48]
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Unlike, something like say, eBay, the "product" can be offered for sale on multiple systems. If I want to auction something, I can't offer it to two different pools of bidders, since two people could both win the single item. With a dating system, a user isn't forced to exclusively use a single system to bill themselves; they could use multiple concurrently, which means that they could use both an incumbent system and a challenger system. Again, makes it easier for a challenger system to get someone to use it.
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If you assume that most people are only looking for matches in their age cohort, that'd also divide up the userbase. In the past, social media systems have occasionally seen younger generations shift to newer systems.
Given all that, a newcomer dating app would probably do pretty well to have advertising campaigns targeting a specific age group in a specific city.
This all matches my experience. As a man over 40 in a small European country, I have a vastly different experience on Hinge (another of the Match Group products) than other people report.
Also, I noticed that I am getting always more attention when I keep conversations going with at least 2 other users. My guess is that factors that maximize time_on_app are being favored by the algo and the match with me being one means that I am proposed in the highlights etc.
Dog parks work well for meeting people if you have a dog.
I met many friends at the dog park. I also met my partner of nearly 10 years at the dog park.
It doesn't work well if you don't have time or money for a dog but if you do it shows how well you can take care of another being and have love in your life.
speak for yourself. i have a dog for 5 years. i only ever meet married people and people over 60+ at the dog park.
there are no young single people at my dog park, besides myself.
hell just walking around, in a major city, only people who are 50+ will ever stop and say hi to my dog. nobody under 40 (my own age) will interact with my dog or me, if anything often they move to the other side of the street to avoid us. but if hte person has grey/white hair they are more than happy to smile and ask to pet my dog.
Y’all have dog parks? /s
Tap for spoiler
There actually is one in my town now, i think.
Yeah, old people had to socialize before the internet long enough to cement social skills so they’re the only people capable of human interaction, as a demographic, whereas younger people act like deer in the headlights if you try to have a friendly conversation with them and they don’t already know you.
Kash Patel? Is that you?
No, he is a dog fucker, not a fucker of dog owners.
why just if you have a dog. Im unabashedly will approach anyone with a dog and look to pet their dog. I mean I have a dog but she is over the top playful so when walking alone I have to take advantage and pet the doggies.
I never used those things and wow I did not realize it did things like that.
It is probably like you say, but for all it's worth, when I went to a business trip to South Korea 5 years ago I installed the app because I thought my work colleague will probably constantly hook up with girls and I will be the third wheel. I thought I could try out tinder because it also was the only international dating app I knew, and for some reason I even decided to pay, because the trip was only for 3 months and that would be a limited trail for me and I would stop it when I'd be back.
Turns out I very quickly matched with a local woman and the other guy ended up being the third wheel. Today we're married and have two children.
I'm not trying to make advertisement for this specific company, just for sometimes doing something out of your character to shake things up if what you've been doing for a long time doesn't seem to work.
Me too: Wife and two children, meet wife on Tinder 11 years ago.
It was a lot different 11 years ago btw
I hear that from people. I think it worked as I expected back then. Went on dates that often went a little further than normal dates, and if you were looking for a relationship, you might get lucky.
Give Grindr a try.
This is what my husband has, don’t worry tho he promises he’s not cheating on me
Grindr is over, it’s all about UberMeats
Tinder and match apps prey on the lonely and desperate. They have no interest in matching you or getting you off the platform. This is not a dig at you, just the modus operandi of such apps. I was in for a while too, but left because of the constant rejection and zero communication. You're much bettr off in meat space. As a divorced dad of two and a cancer diagnosis, ain't no hope of me competing with those Ryan Gosling types for ladies attention.
Thankfully I'm not lonely or desperate, I just wanted to see what it's all about and if it was actually useful. Don't worry, no offence taken.
Being a man on dating apps certainly makes it feel like the population of men is vastly higher than the population of women lol! I swiped right on a lot of gorgeous girls but I'm probably just one in the huge pile of other dudes who have done the same.
I wish you all the best for your health my friend.
Okc is 75% men, and women swipe right on about 5% of profiles. It's not forgiving at all.
Tbf the social media handle thing was to stop the girls just using it to get follows on their Instagram without engaging, it was a valid change imo.
You can still share it in the chats.
They are commodified attraction though for sure, but im sleeping next to someone I met on there a few years ago so they're not all bad.
There are still so many profiles that are just Instagram bait. It’s gotten to the point where i see “📸” or “@[words]” and just swipe left.
Been out of the game for a minute but there used to be some decent dating apps. Tinder has always been trash. Only good for making you feel bad for yourself, specifically from guy’s perspective.
Absolutely. I actually deleted Instagram years ago for that very reason. There's something about seeing thousands of pictures of beautiful women that makes you feel awful about yourself, especially if you're not in a good place mentally, which I wasn't at the time.
I heard most of them have all been bought out by one company. Idk though, I have a knack for finding someone when I'm absolutely not looking lol
I tried 2 hippy dating sites and there were Zero hippy women in either. One even said if you fish, don't bother contacting her.
The optimal strategy is to swipe right on every single person, and then filter it when you get matches, thus defeating the purpose. Any leftward swiping is just a waste of time.
That being said, irl dating is much better. Depending on where you are, bars, librarys, and sometimes the cities have mixers to meet people. They can be fun even if you dont find anyone.
I thought I heard they adjusted things so people who do that won't get shown for others to swipe on. I have no first-hand experience with it though.
I experienced something similar myself. I got sick of dating apps after several years of no matches/dates so I used a chrome extension to swipe right on everyone on Bumble. I think it messed up my algorithm though since after that I was only shown heavyset women.
Feeld is the exact same way, and it’s not owned by Match but they use the same formula.
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