Ask Lemmy

I'm polyamorous. Working out calendars 2-3 weeks in advance gets very tiring.

A lot of straight cis men seek out gay trans men, as if we are just tomboys. Getting called “she”/“her,” dealing with their insecurities about being attracted to a man, a general denial of who I am…

The smells

All the goddamn lying.

every year I get a little older, a little more damaged, and a little less desirable; and the age bracket of people I'd be interested in get more baggage of their own and have more expectations of a potential partner. I'm in my late 20s living with family, and nobody really wants to date me already; I can't fathom that will improve any in the future being a 30-something living with family (as I will likely still be too poor to leave).

Probably gonna die alone. Can't wait, this place sucks anyhow.

Being around people feels like I'm holding my breath. Anyone. Even the person I've been dating for over a decade. But I need so desperately to be alone so I can breathe.

When people mistreat their significant others it triggers something in me. I overcompensate, doting on my SO. I make dinner, bake treats, clean, take care of doggo, and work full time. I get from Friday night to noon on Saturday for myself, and those are the only hours of the week where I feel like I can relax.

I care about my partners. I only want the best for them, but I'm so tired.

The way it requires socially navigating talking to another person.

I never liked "dating" at all, my two long relationships grew from sexual hookups. Going out with someone with an intent to grow it just bothers me, how in the world can you know? Just have fun and something will stick.

Worst part is breakup or even worse, death. The end is the worst part, even if it's gotten so bad you need it to end.

My least favorite thing about love is losing the people I love, no matter how they were lost

The „what are we to each other“ phase. Granted, that’s probably more of an issue for me than most others because I‘m poly / non-monogamous, so the expectation that intense flirting leads to more often isn’t there.

I‘ve been in so many situations where both sides were unsure how far the other side wants to go. Do I just kiss them? Do I ask for a kiss? Do I call them my partner? Would openly asking scare them away? Do I fuck up by not doing any of that? Sometimes it feels like two teenagers in a romance story who are very much into each other but too scared to do anything about it.

In one case it has been going for years. We flirt a lot, we hug and cuddle and for a while we kissed every time we met. Then I said „I love you“ and they got scared that those words come with expectations. We talked about it but no more kisses so far.

The actual dating part. Aside from 2 relationships I had in my high school days, everyone I dated I met through dating apps and it just feels forced. Like, we didn't meet naturally and know literally nothing about each other, so it just feels like work to accomplish a goal and not having fun with a friend. So much effort is spent getting to know the other person and it kinda feels like a job. I wish I could skip that part and just be in the "best friends that have sex" phase forever.

I hate when a person goes from being your best friend to someone who's just around after they've got what they wanted out of the relationship.

The fact that not every hot person wants to fuck me. It is truly the great tragedy of my life.

Not having them but having to hear other people talk about them constantly.

Right now, I've gotten attached enough to get sad when he leaves. And like, we live apart, so he has to leave every time.

The expectation on me to be the instigator/aggressor in all interactions. In either connotation of that statement

The "getting to know you" phase. All the same questions and answers, where are you from, what are your hobbies, how many brothers and sisters do you have, giving the same answers as always but pretending not be bored by it.

Things are much better once you either get past that stage or mutually decide it doesn't matter and just get to what you came for

They’re like, a whole different person with different wants and needs than me, so like, I have to listen to them and communicate and sometimes I even have to do things I don’t want to just because they do? It’s all very annoying and it would be much easier if they just thought and did everything just the way I wanted all the time.

the fact many folks complete lose all moral compass, common sense, and reason when it comes to romantic relationships. and thus end up in destructive patterns to themselves and others.

blows my mind how like, many of my exes were upstanding folks to the outside world, but when it came to me and our relationship, lying, cheating, stealing, and all that was 100% justified, because feelings.

Apps.

Let you know when I'm in one.

The fact I've not had anything like that in as long as I've lived, and I'm no teen anymore

At this point, most all of it.

Not my case cause I'm happily taken but I hate seeing my colleagues and friends just mindlessly "dating". No objectives, no direction, just going out for the sake of intoxication and fornication, and sometimes they get into situationships, sometimes they don't, their longest relationship is a 6 month fling. How hedonistic, immature and overall depressing.

The tea is that ever since they made reliable, non-disgusting or super invasive contraception, nothing has been the same. Sure, an intelligent person can still make their way in the world but most people are basically cattle so, if they're not lucky enough to be rightly guided, they'll just act in the expected ways. Imagine how different things would be if the possibility of pregnancy was truly always there. Abortions are really uhh uncomfortable at the very least on different levels, and most ladies aren't planning on getting one, so that's no solution either. Both men and women would keep it in their pants, date for the purpose of finding a partner with whom you could build a life and a family with and avoid fornication (for "practical" reasons and not just ethical ones). And then people would more easily get paired up, and there would be fewer confusions regarding romantic relationships. Hook-up culture is the expected result of reliable contraception and a lack of ideology/moral teachings regarding sex and relationships. What else could happen in the vacuum of guidance besides hedonism and confusion ? But the cat is out of the bag now so y'all will have to make these decisions yourselves, without the motivating risk of unwanted children.