CI Armand Gamache. Louise Penny books' main character. TV show Three Pines.
this post was submitted on 13 May 2026
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Barney Miller, but I don't think he's a detective.
Maxwell Smart.
His cars weren’t “classic” when the show was airing.
Being a dumbass isn’t neurospicy.
Are we counting early Columbo's cigarettes as his addiction? Cuz otherwise I think he fits the bill
I was gonna say Columbo but it clearly says neurotypical.l and does not drive a classic car.
The only one I can think of that has all 6 is Dr. Mark Sloan and that's only if you count him as a detective in the first place (he solves murders, but is a doctor).
Classic McSteamy.
I think he's more or less neurotypical. His quirks seem largely to be an intentional act to throw off his suspects and make them underestimate him.
Both Barnabys in "Midsomer Murders".
Yes.
Columbo. Neurotypical is debatable, a lot of his behavior is an act to make the suspect less guarded. But he drives a shitty car, is happily married, and isn’t “too old for this shit.”
Well ... that 1959 Peugeot 403 was 30+ year old by the 90s (and 40+ in 2003) ... so idk, but it def felt like a statement.
(Chars often have shitty old cars in the same sense as some have fancy "classic" old cars.)
And about his wife Captain Janeway who was 12 at the time she was mentioned as his wife:
Peter Falk expressed his disapproval of the spin-off, calling it a "bad idea" and "disgraceful". Richard Levinson later joked that if they made another episode of Columbo they would have Columbo say "There's a woman running around pretending to be my wife. She's changing things. She's a young girl. I wish my wife was like that. She's an impostor."
JANEWAY WAS MRS COLOMBO?? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS??
Its ironic that she ended up in a federal prison.
But the show started in the 60s, and it’s the same car. You could argue his trenchcoat and hat (de rigeur when the show started) were more affectation in later years, or accept that at some point those simply occupy the role of signifiers that “yes this is Columbo.”
Yeah, I can see that too (but the car did strike me as a deliberate non-typical choice from the beginning, like part of a character, like the trench coat, even when just under a decade old - but that does indeed not make it a classic car).
I definitely think it was a deliberate choice, but more in the vein of “look at this bumbling moron driving this piece of shit French car” as a way of further masking his actual abilities.
Brooklyn 99. Terry Crews is happily married, drives a minivan, is neurotypical.
Terry in the show probably has some body dysmorphia/eating disorders. He's been shown to have difficulty controlling his food intake with the nibs, the weird dieting with Gina and Amy and he's also used the gym to avoid his problems. Plus he had some PTSD in the early seasons (I think from shooting an innocent person? I don't remember exactly why) which is why he wasn't in the field for the first few seasons. Also I think technically his rank is lieutenant so I'm not sure he's technically a detective
He shot a mannequin because he kept getting nervous about getting killed in the line of duty after the twins were born.
And then he shot another mannequin.
Right, that's what it was. So possibly an anxiety disorder instead of PTSD. Which is probably more in line with the body dysmorphia or eating disorder than PTSD would be
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Depends if "classic car" is era-dependent or not
Eg Peter Wimsey probably fits all of these, and drives a 1920s car, but in stories set in the 1920s so not classic at the time
Having recently read more Dot Sayers than should legally be allowed (one day I shall recover), let me assure Lord Monocle is "not* neuro typical
Lacey from 'Cagney and Lacey.'
Cagney was the unmarried alcoholic who drove a vintage 'Vette.
I could see her doing a wee bump of ching in the ladies room while the cameras were off
Jessica Fletcher could count if the you can be happily married when your spouse is already dead.
She never dates again so it seems like she is still very much in love with her late husband.
Funny thing I figured out over the years: widows do not date after their spouse dies for 2 reasons: 1) they were, and still are, madly in love with their spouse, or 2) their spouse/marriage absolutely sucked and they will never ever do that again. The latter is more common.
I suddenly want to watch a cop show where the main character is a genuinely bad cop. ie: the bad guys keep getting away and not a single case is solved.
I believe that’s called the News.
Watch Neon Joe Werewolf Hunter instead. He is detecting werewolves in the show.
Inspector Gadget would fit if not for his overly capable niece and her anthropomorphic dog.
The shield is arguably the greatest drama series of all time
Just watched Detective Hole, would highly recommend. Very bad cop but good detective.
ACAB
Does Cædfel count if one can include “married to the church”?
Oh I'd forgotten about him. What a truely bizzare show.
Columbo
I think it depends on the definitions of “classic car” and “addiction”, since he smokes cigars and drives a 1959 Peugeot.
He quits smoking and it becomes a minor character arc for him as he needs to find something to do with his hands. He ends up asking for pencils a lot.
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In retrospect I'm not sure he's neurotypical.
And it was the 70's they didn't talk about his problematic meth addiction.
uh-huh
Either Barnaby from Midsomer Murders would pass this test.
And I'd like to second the nomination for Jessica Fletcher. She was happily married, but widowed by the time the show starts.
No real-life detective has more than four.
They all fail at number 4
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