Ask Lemmy

A big set of financial legal guarantees that protect both parties.

And also an agreement to make it harder to leave during conflict. Which is something both parties agree to when not in a very emotional state.

Making it harder to leave is controversial, since it in practice goes against consent and the wishes of either party during conflict. Since sex can't be forced in marriage anymore (luckily), marriage is an acceptable practice, in my opinion.

Force through the use of financial pressure from one party to stay together is in no way acceptable though. Both parties should be willingly in the relationship long term. Financials will however always be a factor, since it is cheaper and more beneficial to be two.

Love my wife to bits but I only see marriage as a legal contract. Insurance is easier, travel is easier, everything is so much easier. It's what turned me to equal marriage opportunity activist - there's no reason why this privilege should remain only for 2 different gendered people, that's just incredibly cruel. Ideally this privilege shouldn't exist at all.

Prerequisite for divorce.

As a guy currently going through a divorce, I see it very differently to how I did before she left. Previously I saw it as a public commitment and celebration of love, and making vows to each other. Now I see it as a bullshit waste of time and money. I was cynical before (not religious, didnt see muxh point) but went through with it because it was something she wanted.

Marriage is a state-sanctioned merger of assets and rights. It provides a legal authorization for decision making related to your spouse, shared property ownership rights, rights regarding power of attorney in an emergency, and tax benefits.

Everything else is religious/social ceremony and can be achieved without the need for marriage certification.

I know several people who didn't "believe in marriage" until their SO was in the hospital and they weren't allowed to visit or make decisions for them. Pretty horrible watching the estranged parent or second cousin making decisions about the health of your 10+ year partner, against your wishes, with no recourse.

I'm really enjoying mine. My wife and I are a team. We divide the labor of the home according to our abilities and temperament. 10 years in and the sex has only gotten better as we've learned each other's wants and needs. We're having a house built.

This is my second marriage. The first was a goddamn nightmare and I'm glad it ended quickly.

Its a commitment. Pure and simple. You and another are going to live together and figure things out together come what may.

I've always joked that marriage is a lot like sharing your house with someone... so you should choose that person wisely.

But in a lot of ways it can be that simple. It's making an effort to understand the commitments and courtesies that your partner needs to share a life with you that separates a marriage from a love affair. It's an intentional commingling of your lives with the intent of mutual benefit, sharing affection, and having the grace to allow one another small mistakes in the process.

If the people in question have an understanding, then I don't think that legal status, civil or religious ceremonies, permanent cohabitation, or even monogamy are essential, as you'll find relationships that remain stable despite lacking one or more of these things from time to time. But, entering into and honoring that commitment to each other is.

Marriage is something for the wealthy. If you live on welfare in my country and you get married or share a household, you get less money. Also, if you want to marry a foreigner, you need to earn a minimum amount of money, which is unobtainable for a lot of people. This is on purpose to make sure we get less "poor foreigners" here. So marriage is not and never will be for me.

What it means to me is different from what it did for me.

I didn't marry my ex, we had kids so were a family regardless and I didn't want to be a wife just a mom. I am glad we never married.

My now husband REALLY wanted to get married, like a wedding and the whole thing, he had already kids too, from an ex-wife (both their bio kids and his stepkids, court gave him custody of all of them and he adopted the ones he could). I caved and told him ask in 2 years, he did.

What it did was like some old timey upper class marriage shit, combined families & created a dynasty. I liked it because "stepmom/stepdad" can do things like school pickup that "mom's boyfriend" can't. And my kids & his kids got this amazing network of siblings, they all like each other. And I got a great MIL & FIL, and together my husband & I make kind of a lot of money when before we were each supporting a family alone, and struggling.

So basically because we already had families, getting married made us one big family. Which now makes me think of it like that, when before all I saw was the man-owns-woman shit and wanted no part of that.

I had intended to not.

Then, after a turn at living together with my partner in an Islamic country — where we were not allowed to officially cohabit — we realized that our rights to watch each other's backs were made way simpler by being married.

So we got married.

Had we always lived in a country that recognized cohabitation or common-law relationships, we might have not. Had our next sojourn not been in a predominantly Catholic country, we might have not. Had we more role models who didn't, we might have not. Had we moved home earlier, we might have not.

But we did. It was 12 years ago.

Bottom line, we don't find it burdensome; or that we are locked in a prison together. We care for one another. We drive one another crazy. We have the same fights over and over. We support each other and keep track of each other's families, friends, medical conditions, and car keys. It's nice. It's mundane. It's comfortable. It's practical.

Getting out would be a giant pain in the everything. And expensive.

We don't wield our rings against one another. We don't demand "rights" from one another because we're married. We don't have extraordinary unspoken expectations of one another. We accept, value, and console one another. We're a unit in this fucked up place.

People are crazy. I'm crazy. She's the crazy I'm used to and can interact with.

I'm too old for new crazy.

Granted, she's certainly gaining more by being married to me than I am being married to her. But, we don't keep score either.

TL;DR — comments in bold.

A relationship that is serious enough that you can be bothered to do paperwork for it.

A social/government formality that i did only because my wife wanted a wedding. When my wife and i first said we loved each other, that was when we had each others back and were tied to each other 100%. Years later after getting married, it was just a bit of paper (we kept our own names, got wills to protect what we earnt ourselves etc), but our love never changed - but DAM they are expensive!

Marriage means I've made it. Not like "my life is now complete," but more like a sign that I've accomplished the impossible. That I really can make my dreams come true, as cliché as that sounds.

I'm in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (well, fiancee now 😝). Several years passed before we finally got to meet in person. Having been stuck for so long, unable to do anything or make any decisions for myself, it felt unreal. Ever since we met in person, I realised that this is the person I want to spend my life with... The problem is, she lives in a different country. How were we supposed to take the next step when we're thousands of miles away from each other?

Well, the quickest way to a visa is through marriage. Considering the current political climate and that:

• It's a queer relationship
• I'm transgender
• We're young
• She's not white
• She lives in a country most people haven't even heard of

... I was pretty much expecting this to be near impossible. But somehow, despite literally everything being against us, my petition for the visa got approved on the first submission???

Point is, for me, marriage is a means to achieving something I genuinely thought would never happen.

To me, it's my promise that I love the other person, plan on doing so forever, and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. I wouldn't have gotten married unless wanted to support them in all of their goals, help them through all of their troubles, and enjoy all the moments in between.

The legal stuff is all secondary in my view.

Before I read other comments:

Marriage is a life event. In order to live a full life you must find someone and negotiate a double coincidence of wants. Then you invest and reinvest in each other. To fall in love is a misnomer. To choose to love is how it rolls out. It is easier when pretty and feeling healthy but I have promised to choose to love regardless. It feels like a pretty emotional high at the beginning.

It is difficult to describe the amount of stability and instability I have experienced with this choice. My spouse has the power to build me up and tear me down. She generally chooses to build me up. I generally choose to build her up.

I have lived in communities where I could only rely on her. I have lived in communities where I didnt have to rely on her. I choose her daily.

I think there are some strong societal wealth consequences to getting and staying married. Wealth lends more stability and options over time.

I have no interest in involving the government in my personal relationships. I don't see the point.

Different taxes.

a contract for property

Lifelong romantic partnership with another person. I don't believe in it personally and I don't like that there's legal/church involvement with it.

Not interested myself as I don't think people should be as reliant on each other as much as married people tend to be. Always seems to be one side or the other gets really fucked over when it splits up for whatever reason.

Marriage is about fairness in a long term relationship with kids. Not being married allows me to abandon my shitty partner at any moment and leave them with meager child support and three kids. After 12 years they would only have the money we agreed on for buying groceries.

I won't because I love my kids and partner, even though they live out their pathology on my back and refuse to get help. She is doing the work of raising our kids and as far as I'm concerned that entitles her to half the money thats left after all the expenses. She won't marry which makes giving her those things complicated and not guaranteed, which would be through marriage.

This is from someone who got married in January this year.

The main part of marriage is the commitment to always choose to love your partner. To clarify, I'm using the word 'love' here as meaning "want what they want, and always do what's best for them regardless of the cost to yourself". You're promising to always be the first person they can count on, no matter what happens. It's not a promise to always like them, although that definitely helps and it's difficult not to when there's mutual love.

And for those that believe in this, marriage is an example of the love between God and his people.

Sure, the legal part exists, and I'd say it can sometimes be a good thing, but I don't see that as core to a marriage. Really, if you both agree to be committed to loving each other forever, I'd say you're married in the way that really matters.

I never placed any special value on marriage, but my husband and I are from different countries. We can stick together as a married couple and have the right to help each other with bureaucracy in our respective native languages.

After having gotten married, I value it a lot more for sentimental reasons, but it’s mostly nice to be recognized socially and officially as legally bound to each other.

Marriage is how I tell the state, and everyone, who my chosen family is.

Marriage is a promise for to people to people to keep dating as long as they both feel like it.

Marriage... Marriage is what brings us together today. Marriage, that blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream. And love, true love, will follow you forever and ever…

It's a piece of paper. If you ask me what a loving relationship is, I have a different answer.