Nomad

So sorry to hear you are going through it. In the age of "AI" I have started feeding every detail, syptom and rest result into that and it has helped narrow my search and calm some of my worries.

I'm 39 soon and I have suddenly lost all energy in my muscles. Stiff neck and speech problems. Every small effort results in sore muscles like you wouldn't believe. Im massively tired all the time, 9h sleep at night are not enough. I need about two naps per day just to keep working.

So far the doctors are not even taking me seriously. They think its all just in my head.

I think its something akin to chronic fatigue syndrome and something in my neck. Chatgpt was able to give me some exercises that help relieve some of the symptoms for now.

Just listened to the song. First comment is that it caused a divorce 5 years ago. You are apparently not alone xD

Thanks for your insightful comment from the other side. I good to hear you have found love again :) so will I one day :)

They are not as long as I am here.

Thanks for sharing. It helps to hear I'm not the only one in a situation like this. Try living your life anyways. Take your kids on trips and spend as much time with them as you can. :)

Sending you much love.

There are obvious signs she even misses the connection but fears giving in to that which incidentally matches the image of her issue.

I have considered and would to a certain extend be fine with asexuality or homosexuality or even some kink she fears disclosing. But im pretty sure that's not it.

Love your answer. Thanks!

My eyes are open, my statements are more about right now. You are correct, at the moment suffering is worth it because of a lack of alternatives. Life will offer opportunities that change the calculus and hopefully my kids will be a few years older and able to understand better. Right now its still more on the psychiatric problems stage and I feel I need to give her time. But that time will sooner or later run out.

You too? Details?

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Your argumentation is correct, no doubt about it.

If its about making kids she is all over sex. Avoiding sex is about avoiding emotionally bonding to be to avoid being hurt.

She is most of the time an exceptionally loving mother and the kids love her as much as I do. Our kids need both parents in their life and making that decision would hurt my kids and the woman I love. I have always said, that the day our kids lives are more impacted by my staying than leaving (because of ongoing conflict) I would leave.

Pressuring her won't solve this conflict sadly. People only chance through their own volition which makes this tricky as she has no real incentive to change.

Im also the sole breadwinner and although I earn good money, the local cost of living is too high to keep my kids lives strable if I need to finance separate accommodations. They would need to move and change schools and friends and I'm not willing to go there just for my well being.

Trying to "take the kids" is also a gamble. Even a progressive country like Germany seldomly awards full custody to a man. And again I'm not willing to hurt her or the kids by separating them from their mother.

Its mostly a stable and safe life for my kids. Her refusal might change, or might not. But considering all the things as they are, separation would hurt all the people I love including myself.

I have recently tried looking for therapy for myself to help with coping with all this and I'm waiting for what life throws at me next.

In a fight for my relationship. We stumbled into a relationship after a mishap that got her pregnant. I only noticed when she got a belly showing at 5 months as she had not told me and assumed I would leave her the second I knew. She had already decided to have it with or without me.

Proceeded to have another two kids while she slowly but surely withdrew from any partnership activity. Learned after ten years of wondering what's holding her back that she is the anxious avoidant relationship type and due to her forcing herself to have very infrequent sex with me anyways, she picked up a sexual aversion up along the way.

Apologized for my role in that, I obviously noticed her lack of enthusiasm but didn't think much of it as she offered infrequent but of her own volition. I asked her to go to therapy either alone or as a couple but she refuses. We live together while being officially separated.

I love her and am not interested in anybody else while she claims I should just find somebody else while getting very aggressive when the opportunity presents itself. (I obviously don't partake)

Shit gets dark and lonely regularly, she can't even hold me in her arms. The kids love obviously helps but it's not the same.

As people of that relationship type do, she drifts from flirty and nice to being angry and hurting me with the intention of keeping me at a distance within weeks, sometimes days.

I bought a book that opened my eyes, which pretty much reads like our diary. Put it in the living room and told her about it. She won't even touch it nor acknowledge that she has a problem. Obviously its a problem for me not for her that she decided to never have a relationship or sex ever in her life again.

I mourn the years I lose while waiting for her to find back to the woman I though I had met. I regret that my children have a steady home but no good example how a healthy relationship looks and I fear that this might last until my kids are all moved out and I'm about 60 and decide to give love up myself for good.

For various reasons leaving is not an option I'm willing to choose. Mainly because I have a responsibility to my children and my wife not to abandon them even if she has psychological trauma she needs to process. (Both parents not being available emotionally at all and growing up with an alcoholic step father and lots of violence in her home.) There is also a small chance that my wife might hurt the kids if I'm not there to intervene, has happened before in small ways which she denies obviously.

As long as I fight for this home daily and keep everything stable everybody is happy but me. Its hard and has already taken a toll on my health, but I keep fighting the good fight and hope one day life will be bright again.

Never had it but that looks amazing.

Maybe there is a Buddhist temple where you could access some mental health resources? people that understand the world you live in?