this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 57 points 5 days ago (3 children)

New business idea: fortune cookie text but on tampon wrappers.

[–] neuracnu@lemmy.blahaj.zone 54 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Your lucky numbers are #ff0000

[–] CapOnBackwards@fedinsfw.app 21 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I was not red-y for that this morning

[–] ByteJunk@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago

We've all been there. Do you need me to go grab something for you?

[–] backalleycoyote@lemmy.today 2 points 5 days ago

You red-y for lucky number 69? Those to earn your wings.

YES THIS 🤣🤣

[–] faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 17 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Swear to god, if I unwrap a tampon that says "help, I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory"...

[–] phx@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago

Huh, they spelled cookie wrong and used a "ch" instead of a "k"

[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Or tampon roulette: individually wrapped and bagged in sets of 6 but one has a capsaicin-saturated core. Maybe get a few friends with synced cycles so everybody draws one and waits to see who [won / lost].

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 15 points 5 days ago

but one has a capsaicin-saturated core.

do you want a pack of angry women to beat you half to death and leave that thing in your ass? because holy shit man, they're already on their periods, shit like this is war

[–] Zier@fedia.io 27 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Can we print these phrases on condoms?

[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 33 points 5 days ago (2 children)
[–] Routhinator@startrek.website 9 points 5 days ago

Wait, is this message for the woman, or her period?

[–] phx@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

"these tampons didn't do anything and my undergarments are now ruined!"

'well duh, didn't you read the side of the packaging?'

[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 28 points 5 days ago

Such words of wisdom from the most humble of packaging.

[–] Vinylraupe@lemmy.zip 23 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I read "be unemployed" on the last one 🤣🤣

[–] Tikiporch@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago

Be unemployable.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 24 points 5 days ago (1 children)

go fuck yourself

I'll have to for the next week...

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago (2 children)

......you're a guy??? I've been picturing you as a 23 year old lesbian with purple hair, and 327 charm bracelets, but not worn on your wrists.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 14 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I can be whatever you want me to be if the price is good.

but as they say. no money, no honey.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Gay for pays lesser known cousin, fem for pay

Lass for Cash.

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago

sad suck for a buck.

😭

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I just hope my beard doesn't give me away.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

razors have been around for a minute, get chopping girliepop

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[–] colourlessidea@sopuli.xyz 4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

To be fair, nearly anyone can fuck themself regardless of gender

Edit: clarity

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[–] MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Wait until she hears about man flu. Phew. That sucks.

/sAll jokes aside. I'm growing my hair out. Last hair cut 2 years ago. Learning hair maintainemce, from my sister, who is a mother. Hard work dealing with kids, periods, hair, make up, work, shaving, AND with men being a possible threat every night out. (I'm sure that's the wrong order of importance, but cough cough, I think man flu is coming up again...)

I always joke with the line from Ron Weasly. "No one can feel all that. They will explode"

[–] W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com 44 points 5 days ago (3 children)
[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago (2 children)
[–] W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 3 days ago

We all are at some point

[–] 87Six@lemmy.zip 2 points 5 days ago

Thought we'd get one last picture before you died

[–] 87Six@lemmy.zip 1 points 5 days ago

That's me right now and my blocked nostril just switched jobs with my runny nostril, is this a good sign?

[–] merde@sh.itjust.works 8 points 4 days ago

at least he himself is trying to "live fearlessly" by sending that joke to a woman who is probably already cramping her way through a bloody day

[–] sem@piefed.blahaj.zone 12 points 5 days ago (2 children)

"Work like a champion" fuck you!

[–] Overwrite7445@lemmy.ca 15 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] lemmock@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago

My 50 year old knees: "Fuck you!"

[–] bridgeburner@lemmy.world 10 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] sem@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 5 days ago

😅😂😎

[–] Wren@lemmy.today 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Tampons should look like lightsabers and make a Shwung sound when you open them. Also, dye the cotton lightsaber colours. I don't give a shit about toxic whatever the fuck, I want to desecrate something beautiful with my womanly body.

[–] CaptPretentious@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I mean, it would increase sales. But that's because light saber. When I was a kid I would have pissed off so many women, because dumb kid + 'lightsaber' = pissed off adults

[–] Wren@lemmy.today 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I had an 18 year old boyfriend steal one because he thought it was candy, so no change there.

[–] CaptPretentious@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I could understand an 8 year old. But 18!

[–] Wren@lemmy.today 1 points 4 days ago

The crinkling set him off. In his defence I did hide my candy from him.

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 7 points 5 days ago

So is this the tampon version of the sayings on Dove chocolate wrappers?

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 points 5 days ago

Like the captions under those generic photos you see in corporate conference rooms. Which ones? Who knows, they all look the same.

[–] Janx@piefed.social 4 points 5 days ago

It sounds like she is living fearlessly! So brave...

[–] UndergroundParking@lemmy.cafe 2 points 5 days ago

Thanks, we're both crying out loud now! :D

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