Technology

Sounds like a great way to fake your death. The only problem is that everyone will think you died driving a Tesla.

He says the trucks are “apocalypse-proof” and claims they can withstand bullets and have “armor glass” windows.

They also withstand emergency responders and the occupant's attempts to escape.

Don't Teslas have the highest crash fatality stats on the road or something? Terrible company.

Tech Bytes: Tesla takes dubious crown with worst crash fatality rate by brand, according to new analysis

I can’t fathom having my husband burn to death so badly that he’s just .. evaporated. But then again I can’t imagine my husband ever wanting a cybercuck so there’s also that.

Fires that entrap passengers are a well-documented and recurring problem with every model in Tesla’s lineup of vehicles, but Cybertrucks appear to have a disproportionate number of known deaths. Safety experts have told the Guardian that the truck’s unique design amplifies the deadly issue. The vehicles come with high-density laminated windows that are harder to break than regular car windows, making escape and rescue difficult when doors won’t unlock. And the trucks are built with materials not commonly used in the industry, like stainless steel, which can complicate the work of emergency responders. The Cybertruck is also the first Tesla model to entirely eliminate door handles on the outside of the vehicle.

First, "unique" design? It's an ugly callback to the wedge-shaped cars of the 80s. It looks like a DeLorean model that refused to render properly, and the dev just went with it.

Second, the decision to exclude door handles is fucking mental. It's a mundane feature that cars have had since the Model T. If they wanted to make a pickup, its handles should resemble those found on a typical pickup. If it's "aesthetics" they're after (which shouldn't matter when it comes to a pickup), some of the best looking cars have had no problem including door handles into its design.

Free cremation — it’s a service!

ouch oof my bones

When we finally start eating the rich, we will have readily available fires to cook them over.

The Ford Pinto wishes it was this deadly...

Cremation is a new feature. It'll be an extra $2500 and comes with a decision engine on whether you should live or die (door unlocking). Tesla knows, trust Elon.

self-cleaning/pyrolytic oven on wheels

That's what futuristic hidden door handles get you. Nice and crispy.

FFS, design standards exist for a reason. Quit trying to reinvent the wheel, or car doors as it is here.

The cybertruck actually burns so hot it destroys your soul. No afterlife for you!

Cant wait til they start taking volunteers for the Mars rocket

cybertruck is a built in crematorium and Coffin at the same time,elon makes nazi impressed.

I’ve taken a couple uber rides in a Tesla and I wish they’d give you the option to select NOT THAT. I just stared at the stupid door button the whole time

These horrific deaths and injuries are tragic. I see too many schadenfreude comments here approving of people dying just because they chose to drive a vehicle most people don't like. If there is blame, it is not on the victims, but on Tesla and the regulators we trust to ensure minimum and obvious safety features.

No body no crime

Elon

At this point if you’re still driving a swasticar, you deserve it.

Reminder to keep one of those window breaker hammers in your car.

Also don’t buy cars from megalomaniacal nazis.

Well, see, that's what you get for being a poor.

Solution is simple, you must buy the optional $700 Cyberhammer to bash out the glass (not a joke, there really is a cyber hammer for $700).

Elon's got it all figured out, 8D chess losers